Smartphone apps that we'll never see (if we're lucky)

Have you come across a smartphone app that makes you ask WHY? Toni Bowers shares some crazy ideas for apps that she hopes never happen.

Some of the smartphone app development going on has me completely baffled. Apparently, the ultimate goal is to either make the human brain obsolete or to remove human interaction altogether.

Here are a couple of (I swear, they're real) apps I saw that made me do a double take:

The Knot Guide (for the iPhone) - Shows you how to tie different knots. Really, how many knots does the average person need to know that can't be memorized? (BTW, the Android has an app just for tie knots.)

My Nature Animal Tracks (for the iPhone) - Lets you painstakingly identify the paw print of a large Grizzly Bear seconds before it mauls you to death.

This reckless abandon of smartphone development has inspired me to create my own list of apps that I believe are not out of the realm of reality:

The Personal Grooming app-This app will elicit a screeching tone if you inadvertently commit a personal grooming error such as putting your socks on over your shoes or forget to follow the ever-important shampooing order of wash, rinse, repeat. The Kid Tender-This app lets you track your toddler in a crowded mall after she wanders off because you're too busy messing with your iPhone to watch her. The Living App-Just enter the time and date of your last inhaled breath and this app will alert you to the approximate time window for exhalation. Heads Up!-An app for determining the exact weight, speed, and trajectory of a falling object and how much time you have to get the hell out of the way. Personal Lawyer-With this app you can outline the details of your dissolution of marriage, including division of property and child custody, and then email it to your unsuspecting spouse in just minutes. Also recommended: the Prenup Creator for your rebound marriage. Just Like You Were There-With one swipe, this app will record the actual conversations and life experiences happening around you, which you're missing because you're playing with your iPhone.

So, let's have some fun. What are some of the dumbest or least needed smartphone apps that you've seen?

By Toni Bowers

Toni Bowers is the former Managing Editor of TechRepublic and is the award-winning blogger of the Career Management blog. She has edited newsletters, books, and web sites pertaining to software, IT career, and IT management issues.