Avast, ye scalawags, for Talk Like a Pirate Day draws nigh!

Image courtesy of WikipediaLook sharp, ye mangy BitTorrentin', Limewirin', BSA-confoundin' scum, for Talk Like a Pirate Day is fast upon us. Today, all who sail the (literal or virtual) seas with a lust for treasure and a care not for the shacklin' laws o' property are henceforth obliged on the 19th of ol' September to speak as I do here, in the fashion of ye ol' (fictional and stereotypical) pirates! Such is tradition stretchin' back to nights o' yore (1995), afore the dark days of ye Dot-Com Bubble.

Moreabouts, ye scurvy wretches, ye shan't dare be honorin' ye buccaneerin' forebears with mere speech. A true pirate is judged by his loot, so I proffer for ye unworthy benefit this bill of fare, according a grand list o' proper pirate swag:

  • Pirattitude!: So you Wanna Be a Pirate? Here's How! The official handbook o' piratin', from the founders of our fair holiday.
  • π-rate T-shirt This here garment be equatin' grand piracy with a certain infamous irrational number.
  • The Government Manual for New Pirates Even Jolly Ol' Gov'ment has use for privateers and pillagers now and again, so they've provided ye a guidebook fer such hallowed pursuits.
  • Pirates for Hire Baseball Cap Tis no grand badge o' rank, but tis a fare bonnet, an may yet land ye payin' work fer ye "honest" trade.
  • Arrgh T-shirt Speaks ye pirate call, even when ye yerself 'r silent. And it sports ye skull 'n cross-swords fer good measure.
  • Pirate Mug A nip o' rum goes down easier when ye tankard is affixed with the pirate yell and the emblem o' ye trade.

Also, for ye insatiable wretches...

By Jay Garmon

Jay Garmon has a vast and terrifying knowledge of all things obscure, obtuse, and irrelevant. One day, he hopes to write science fiction, but for now he'll settle for something stranger -- amusing and abusing IT pros. Read his full profile. You can a...