Finally, a quantum physics joke that even the New Age tree-hugger pseudoscience types in your office will get behind: "I find dark energy repulsive." Yes, dark energy is the theoretical mechanism behind the accelerating expansion of the universe, but it's also those "negative vibes" the dreamcatchers-and-unicorns crowd accuses you of spreading during mandatory software upgrades. Now, when they criticize your demands that they stop loading their Trojan-stuffed "Inspirational Quote of the Day" screensaver onto the office PCs, you can just point to the shirt and tell them to keep it positive and to begin moving away from you at a infinitely increasing velocity. Awesome.
Jay Garmon has a vast and terrifying knowledge of all things obscure, obtuse, and irrelevant. One day, he hopes to write science fiction, but for now he'll settle for something stranger — amusing and abusing IT pros. Read his full profile. You can also follow him on his personal blog.