From Something Awful comes this little gem: The Inbox Of Nardo Pace, The Empire's Worst Engineer. It's glib, gleefully irreverent take on all the innately dumb tech found in the Star Wars universe (and no, X-wing wings don't show up on the list). Turns out its all the work of one particularly incompetent engineer who, for bureaucratic reasons never made quite clear, is the project leader for the Galactic Empire's most critical or high-profile technologies and devices. For example:
Subject This darn bottomless shaft in my room From Emperor Palpatine <firstname.lastname@example.org> Date A Long Time Ago 1:42 AM To Nardo Pace <email@example.com>
You are responsible for designing my Throne Room, yes? Do not doubt it. I can see the truth inside you. It burns with a twisted blackness that cannot be denied.
I ask you this: Why is there a chasm in my room? Was it really necessary? What purpose does it serve? Nothing useful has ever come of it. In fact, sometimes when I awake in the middle of the night and stumble in the darkness while making my way to the Imperial Restroom, I mistakenly wobble along the shaft's edge. I also bump my knee on the Imperial Coffee Table, but that is another matter.
I'm expecting very important company today, but I fully expect that you will draw up plans for a grate to cover this errant hole and have someone build it tomorrow. It is your destiny.
That's just one of a half-dozen e-mails idling in Nardo's inbox (the one from Vader gets a little profane, so be forewarned). Scan them all, as they hilariously expose the various ill conceived contraptions that riddle a galaxy far far away.
Jay Garmon has a vast and terrifying knowledge of all things obscure, obtuse, and irrelevant. One day, he hopes to write science fiction, but for now he'll settle for something stranger — amusing and abusing IT pros. Read his full profile. You can also follow him on his personal blog.