A visit from St. Geek

IT consultant Chip Camden offers a techy take on the classic holiday poem 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.

'Twas the night before Christmas (or "holiday break")

But I was still working -- I kicked off a rake.

Secure shells were placed on my desktop with care,

So no one could sniff what I typed away there.

My clients' hot issues were all put to bed,

But what those had preempted still caused me to dread.

So I in my bathrobe ('twas cold in that room)

Had just settled down for a long game of Doom.

When out on the WAN there arose such a mess

I thought that it must be a DDoS!

Away to the firewall I flew like Jet Li

Denied all incoming, even SMTP.

But as I more closely inspected each packet,

I realized with awe what was causing the racket:

A download! What format? I couldn't have known it

But I found it included a textual component:

"Now JavaScript! Perl! Now Python and Ruby!

On Haskell! on Clojure! on Scala and Groovy!

To the Web-facing site, to the edge firewall,

Now bash away, bash away, bash away all!"

The download completed, though I tried to abort,

And a little man popped out a USB port!

His glasses -- how thick! His gut -- a real softy!

And his beard was all stained with cold pizza and coffee.

He was nerdy and plump, a right jolly old geek,

Though he smelled like he hadn't had a bath in a week.

He spoke not a word, but went right ahead

He wiped off all Windows, installed *nix instead

The software I'd need, he downloaded it all

(Still using less space than a fresh Win install).

In the USB port he inserted his thumb

And vanished right into it the way he had come

But I heard him exclaim, ere I even had missed 'im

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good system!

With sincere apologies to Clement C. Moore, or whomever wrote the original version.

And a hat tip to Jeff Dray for the inspiration.

Note: This post was originally published on December 17, 2008.