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Advice on refusing unwanted job

By smatteson ·
I've been working as a network administrator in a good job for several years now. One of my in-laws gave my resume to his organization and they would like to interview me for a network support job dealing with a certain network software/email system that I have past experience with but do not want to spend further time supporting (I consider it to be outdated and archaic - I want to avoid a holy war so I will not specify the products in mind).

The job would also involve relocating to another state which I absolutely do not want to do. I'm happy in my current job and in my current house, both of which I've spent a lot of work on to get just the way I like it.

Because a family member set this up, I feel I have to go on this interview and while I plan to conduct the interview honestly and to the best of my ability (showing up drunk and telling female interviewers my x-ray specs can see everything might work on Three's Company, but is hardly realistic in real life), if I am offered the job I feel the game is over: I would have to take it, have to move, and have to change career paths down an unwanted direction.

I know the correct thing to do here is to explain to all involved why I do not want to relocate, but my wife feels that moving would be better for our kids, whereas I disagree with her on that for several reasons. The area we currently live in has better opportunities and a higher quality of life.

My plan therefore is to simply ask for too much so as to be refused the job; too much salary, too much time to leave my current job, too many perks like relocation assistance, etc. That is probably going to kill the deal and also lead the folks at this organization to tell my in-law that I'm a selfish person who blew the opportunity by making unreasonable demands, but short of knuckling under, quitting my current job and moving to someplace I don't care to live, I just don't see an alternative.

Anyone have any suggestions on how I can graciously get out of this situation so my life can continue as normal?

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by Eddie, GH In reply to Easy way to flunk an inte ...

smr19 should take a broad view of his position. He is happy in the job he is in, and the home situation he has created. Fine.

If he had the challenge to replicate this achievement - and even go further to improve on it - in another setting should he take it? I don't want to describe smr19 as conservative, perhaps he's come to the end of his career. Otherwise, I would advocate that smr19 examine all the possibilities of that move, and what benefits he can leverage based on his "superior" knowledge. He could become the "Bill Gates" of that Company. He should push for the Company to play his ball if they really want to recruit him. And he should lay all the cards on the table. If they cannot play his ball... then that's the answer to his in-law.

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Can he?

by Golfloon In reply to TAKE A BROAD VIEW

It is certainly what you or I would do but look at the facts. If smr19 can't even stand up to his inlaws is he going to have the life skills to be a Bill Gates or push the company to play his ball I very much doubt it.

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Bad move trying to flunk the interview

by Susan_H In reply to Easy way to flunk an inte ...

I hope Golfloon's suggestion was offered tongue in cheek.

The worst thing you could do is give the company a reason to go
back to the in-law and ask 'What the !*&(%%* were you thinking
when you suggested that dufus for the job? Aside from losing your
self-respect, you would also 'prove' to your in-laws that you are an
even bigger jerk than they thought and surely not worthy of their

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That depends

by Golfloon In reply to Bad move trying to flunk ...

If he goes in and answers all of the technical questions wrongly your right he will look a right jerk and upset the inlaws. If on the other hand he goes in their with no self confidence he just won't make the short list and the feedback that his inlaws will get is there were better applicants for the job. It's a subtle but quite important difference.

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The wild card in this

by jdclyde In reply to I think you are missing s ...

Does your wifes family live in the place you would be moving to? This may all be a way of her going back home.

You didn't state if you are originally from your current area, nor if your wife was either.

If this is her home town, then it is reasonable that she would want you to find an opportunity back there.

jobs come and go, but family is that life is all about.

Just another point to look at.

If this is the case, then DO demand enought to make it worth your sacrifice, by asking for extra vac days a year instead of going for the outragious wages. I would take an extra week of Vac over a raise anyday.

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Politely Decline the Interview

by Wayne M. In reply to Advice on refusing unwant ...

I see three separate issues that you need to deal with: getting out of the interview, talking to your in-law, and making decisions with your wife.

If you have completely decided that you will not accept the job offer, don't waste everyone's time and money, call up the company, tell them you are not interested, and cancel the interview. If you are open to be persuaded, though, write down a list of your top concerns and how they could be mitigated. Frankly, deciding based on the current e-mail system sounds a little shortsighted to me. With that list in hand, you have something concrete to negotiate and find the best alternative for you.

If you decline the interview, the only thing you need to tell your in-laws is "It just didn't work out. Thanks for your help." If you go to the interview and are not offered a position - same answer. No ethical company will tell your in-laws why you were rejected. If you get offered the position, but turn it down, you can still give the same answer, but if you want to go further, fall back on your mitigation list and point to your unsatisfied concerns. Last alternative is that you might discover that you want to accept the position. In that case, you only need to say "Thank you."

Lastly, you need to make this decision with your wife. From your post, it looks like there are too many underlying family issues to be fully addressed here. I would recommend that you develop the concern/mitigation list with your wife so that you both can come to an agreement on your current situation and what qualities describe a better situtation. Then you two can objectively decide together on your course of action.

I can't say what the better decision will be, but you must make it in conjunction with your wife, act decisively, and with no regrets. Don't try to play both sides of the fence and accept the interview and try to sabotage it. That will only lead to second guessing later in life.

Good luck!

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Yeah, what Wayne said...

by Mickster269 In reply to Politely Decline the Inte ...

better than I did

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Spot on!

by MikeL28 In reply to Politely Decline the Inte ...

Wayne, you could be a lawyer or a therapist. (I was honoured when someone said that to me!) Your reply and advice is a clear and well-argued, incisive analysis of the situation, based on solid, valid and worthwhile values. Thank you!

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Put the onus onto your wife..

by Jaqui In reply to Advice on refusing unwant ...

ask her how this company got your resume.
***** and moan about the idea of supporting that outdated piece of crap..that it's a step or five backwards in your career path.

basically let her know that this is a real bad offer, get her so irritated that she tells you to not go to the interview.

or, just be 5 minutes late to it, do not dress for the interview, make sure you work up a sweat before it.
so they don't make the job offer.

there are tons of ways to kill an interview, without lying to anyone. just don't put your "best foot forward"

naturally, this has negative impact if you ever wind up meeting the same person at another company.

best way, poke the wife into telling you not to go to the interview. then it's "She Who Must Be Obeyed" that killed the whole thing. ]:)

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what if

by Dr Dij In reply to Put the onus onto your wi ...

you took the job and were able to upgrade them to some product you like better to work with?

this would cure part of your problem with the job.

the only thing about not going to the interview, is that despite 'your mind being made up' already, perhaps something about this other company would hit you as being not such a bad place to work afterall.

I agree with above posters that being suckered into an interview you don't want to goto is a waste of time for both you and the company.

Yet it might open some personal networking. suppose your current company moves/ is bought out/ goes under, etc. in a few years, then you know someone who might be in a positon to hire you and you have already met.

also if there are more opportunities at current place, this often tends to mean cost of living is higher at current place.

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