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Advice on refusing unwanted job

By smatteson ·
I've been working as a network administrator in a good job for several years now. One of my in-laws gave my resume to his organization and they would like to interview me for a network support job dealing with a certain network software/email system that I have past experience with but do not want to spend further time supporting (I consider it to be outdated and archaic - I want to avoid a holy war so I will not specify the products in mind).

The job would also involve relocating to another state which I absolutely do not want to do. I'm happy in my current job and in my current house, both of which I've spent a lot of work on to get just the way I like it.

Because a family member set this up, I feel I have to go on this interview and while I plan to conduct the interview honestly and to the best of my ability (showing up drunk and telling female interviewers my x-ray specs can see everything might work on Three's Company, but is hardly realistic in real life), if I am offered the job I feel the game is over: I would have to take it, have to move, and have to change career paths down an unwanted direction.

I know the correct thing to do here is to explain to all involved why I do not want to relocate, but my wife feels that moving would be better for our kids, whereas I disagree with her on that for several reasons. The area we currently live in has better opportunities and a higher quality of life.

My plan therefore is to simply ask for too much so as to be refused the job; too much salary, too much time to leave my current job, too many perks like relocation assistance, etc. That is probably going to kill the deal and also lead the folks at this organization to tell my in-law that I'm a selfish person who blew the opportunity by making unreasonable demands, but short of knuckling under, quitting my current job and moving to someplace I don't care to live, I just don't see an alternative.

Anyone have any suggestions on how I can graciously get out of this situation so my life can continue as normal?

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Thanks but no thanks, nip it in the bud

by GNX In reply to Advice on refusing unwant ...

If you don't want to relocate now is the time to make hat clear to the in-laws. Just say thanks for the opportunity but I don't want to relocate. However if your wife feels that you should relocate, have her get the higher paying job and you watch the kids. This worked with mine. You must make it clear that you don't want to relocate and that should be done up front. The more time you take to come up with excuses, the harder it will be to refuse the new job.

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hard call

by Shellbot In reply to Thanks but no thanks, nip ...

everyone has valid points here..talk it through with your wife, she is the other 1/2 of your life.

i want to question the legalities..

surely if the company divulges info about you to your inlaws, they are breaching some sort of confidence? is there no laws regarding this?

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How did your inlaws get your resume???

by bschaettle In reply to Advice on refusing unwant ...

It seems to me that you are the only person who could have given your resume to your inlaws. What on earth did you think they were going to do with it -- wallpaper the bathroom??? YOU started this process when you gave them your resume, and when you did you gave them a reasonable expectation that you wanted this to happen. Now you need to do the right thing and follow through with this interview and do your best to land the job.

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Re: How did your inlaws get your resume???

<quote>It seems to me that you are the only person who could have given your resume to your inlaws. What on earth did you think they were going to do with it -- wallpaper the bathroom??? YOU started this process when you gave them your resume, and when you did you gave them a reasonable expectation that you wanted this to happen. Now you need to do the right thing and follow through with this interview and do your best to land the job.</quote>

Not necessarily. If his resume was stored on his home computer maybe his wife gave her parents his resume.

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Resume

by vltiii In reply to How did your inlaws get y ...

I agree that he initiated the issue when he provided his inlaws with the resume. I still however; do not believe this obligates him to entertain every interview that they may set up on his behalf. What he needs to do is have them check with him to get his level of interest for every possibility that may come up.

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stand up for yourself

by lytri In reply to Advice on refusing unwant ...

Sometimes we have to have our own opinion and let people know what it is. Don't try to control outside influences so you can shift the focus to them when people ask you why you didn't take the job. Just tell everyone involved that you're perfectly happy where you are and you don't feel the other job would bring any new opportunity to your life.

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re: Advice on refusing unwanted job

<quoteI know the correct thing to do here is to explain to all involved why I do not want to relocate, but my wife feels that moving would be better for our kids, whereas I disagree with her on that for several reasons. The area we currently live in has better opportunities and a higher quality of life.</quote>

Sounds like your wife and in-laws are ambushing you.

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You have a far bigger problem than a job offer

by PlacidAir In reply to Advice on refusing unwant ...

you and your wife want 2 different things. She wants to move there, and has probably expressed that to her folks -- that's most likely why the resume got sent out in the first place. You're going to need to sit down with your wife and hash THAT issue out, once that's done the job offer issue will take care of itself.

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Amen to that!

by gardoglee In reply to You have a far bigger pro ...

You should not be going on any interviews, local or out of town, while this land mine is sitting at home. Having been on the other side (wanted to move for the outstanding oppportunity and huge raise, only to discover wife was unwilling to move), I can tell you that going either way without arriving at a decision on direction with your wife is certain to end badly, and more likely than you seem to realize in a divorce.

If she is set on moving, then this is only the first bullet you will need to dodge. Even if you figure out how to do that, do you really want to keep repeating this scenario?

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Duscuss with your spouse

by Don'tQuitYourDayJob In reply to Advice on refusing unwant ...

I know how I'd handle this but you really need to discuss this with your spouse!

Your spouse's mom or dad (brother or sister) should no longer be the issue here.

When you married you became "One" with your spouse not the rest of the family!

Don't waste someone elses time for a job you don't want and will not be happy doing!

You should graciously decline and make your feelings clear about the situation.

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