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Advice on refusing unwanted job

By smatteson ·
I've been working as a network administrator in a good job for several years now. One of my in-laws gave my resume to his organization and they would like to interview me for a network support job dealing with a certain network software/email system that I have past experience with but do not want to spend further time supporting (I consider it to be outdated and archaic - I want to avoid a holy war so I will not specify the products in mind).

The job would also involve relocating to another state which I absolutely do not want to do. I'm happy in my current job and in my current house, both of which I've spent a lot of work on to get just the way I like it.

Because a family member set this up, I feel I have to go on this interview and while I plan to conduct the interview honestly and to the best of my ability (showing up drunk and telling female interviewers my x-ray specs can see everything might work on Three's Company, but is hardly realistic in real life), if I am offered the job I feel the game is over: I would have to take it, have to move, and have to change career paths down an unwanted direction.

I know the correct thing to do here is to explain to all involved why I do not want to relocate, but my wife feels that moving would be better for our kids, whereas I disagree with her on that for several reasons. The area we currently live in has better opportunities and a higher quality of life.

My plan therefore is to simply ask for too much so as to be refused the job; too much salary, too much time to leave my current job, too many perks like relocation assistance, etc. That is probably going to kill the deal and also lead the folks at this organization to tell my in-law that I'm a selfish person who blew the opportunity by making unreasonable demands, but short of knuckling under, quitting my current job and moving to someplace I don't care to live, I just don't see an alternative.

Anyone have any suggestions on how I can graciously get out of this situation so my life can continue as normal?

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Just Say NO

by WhiteKnight_ In reply to Advice on refusing unwant ...

and grow a spine

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Yea simple

by Altotus In reply to Just Say NO

Save everone the time and effort so simple.

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by ieengle In reply to Advice on refusing unwant ...

Sounds like you should say all the reasons you have already stated to them. All of these are good and truthful. I would also be polite and tell them that the system they have has many flaws that you do not want to deal with again. say it stressed you out really bad when you worked on it before and you do not want to go through it a second time. If that does not work say your doctor recommended you stay in this area for health reasons (stress related?), provided the other job area is different. Just a few thoughts.......... Hope it works whatever you do

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Declining a job offer

by a6t1 In reply to Advice on refusing unwant ...

Just do it. Simply thank them for offer and advise that you don't feel it's right for you at the moment. IF they persist or get annoying about it you'll know it was CERTAINLY not the right place anyway. There is NO PROBLEM in declining a job offer. There IS a problem to accept one, however, and simply not show up or worse, leave after a short period to take a better one.

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Just be honest...

by BlueKnight In reply to Advice on refusing unwant ...

Just be honest and tell the company that your in-law had good intentions, but that you truly are not interested because you're happy in your current position and you don't want to relocate. If you feel a bit gutsy, you could even mention that supporting the particular software system would be a step backward in your career and you're trying to stay *current* and even learn emerging technologies.

Tell them also, that an interview would be a waste of time for both them and you, and you don't want to waste their time (and money assuming they'd pay for the trip to interview). Close by thanking them for asking you. You could also, if you desire, apologize for your in-law's well intentioned attempt to find you a position there -- but they didn't check with you before submitting your resume.

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Show concern...

by Dalicoder In reply to Advice on refusing unwant ...

You seem to think the biggest issue is the disagreement between you and your wife as to the environment you're in being better or worse for the kids than the environment you would move to for the new job.

First, be honest with your wife about all the things you've said here (why you don't want the job).

Then, ask her what her concerns are about the environment you're in. Ask for specifics and tell her that you WANT to help make those issues better. If it's a lack of opportunities for your kids at their schools, seek out programs that provide those opportunities elsewhere, etc.

Good luck.


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EVERYONE'S missing the point here!

by carl In reply to Advice on refusing unwant ...

I'll be honest and first say that I haven't read all the posts yet (about 50%) so if someone has already mentioned this then I apologise.


reading your original post, you don't explain why this in-law is passing YOUR resume around like it's their property in the first place!?! If my VERY PERSONAL property was abused in this fashion I would be extremely upset for a number of reasons; not least because they have possibly jeopadised your current job if your employers were to discover that you're interviewing elsewhere.. My advice, explain to the in-law that they have not only offended you and violated your human & personal rights but also very likely broken several laws. Would you be reacting so calmly if a Recruitment company had put you in this position without your instruction or knowledge? I suspect not. Turn this around, someone should be worried about YOUR feelings and grovelling for forgiveness. The only toes stepped on here are yours....

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Up front works best...

by jeff.allen In reply to Advice on refusing unwant ...

Need I say more? 25 years ago, I would have accepted a job offer from an in-law, but I was a much happier man then. Times, people etc change over the years. If you took the offer (and it suceeded), you would never be happy because of the "what if" syndrome. Too many regrets.
I know it's difficult, but if you DID get the job, you would always "owe" your in-laws. What if your marriage fell apart?
You would always regret not exploring and enjoying what you have set up where you are, and what about your current job? You sound as if you are happy there (and with where you live etc) doesn't that deserve some allegance?

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Get a pair!

by KendyfortheState In reply to Advice on refusing unwant ...

C'mon, eat some spinach and grow a pair of you-know-whats! If you are not interested tell your in-laws thanks, but no thanks, that you are not interested and can manage your own life. Put the shoe on the other foot... if you did the same thing to them, what do you suppose the response would be?

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Lemons or Lemonade?

by misguidedkid In reply to Advice on refusing unwant ...

Don't just dismiss this opportunity right away. Think hard as to what it would take for you give up what you have and take this job. Salary, vacation, benefits, EVERYTHING. Make sure that while you're cussing Banyan, or whatever it is, that you can look around and say, "But this makes it alright!" Ask for it - and tell them why.

Tell them what you want to work with, and at what cost to them you'll administer it. You may find that they're receptive to the idea of chunking down $50 - 100k one time to get current, all the while getting someone with your skills and level of professionalism at a "bargain" price. Or they may agree to the obscene compensation you asked for. Either way, make sure you'll be able to sleep nights working for them.

If the answer is, "Nothing can make me happy enough to work with this", then tell them (and your meddling in-laws) that there's no future in the position and walk away. Use a typewriter repairman analogy - I love that one for dead technology discussions! Whatever you decide to do, remember you have to do what's best for YOU - the rest is just gravy.

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