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Anti-Telemarketing Counterscript for when they phone you ...

By OldER Mycroft ·
Boxy seems to think I'm having some fun tonight, so I thought I'd spread the mirth a bit with this Anti-Telemarketing Counterscript to turn the tables on those annoying hordes that phone when you least want it (if ever!).


It works something like this:

Sales Drone (SD): Blah blah, in your area, free estimate, blah blah blah.

You (reading from the chart): To whom am I speaking?

S Fred Bloggs.

You: Could you spell your name for me?

The scripted conversation will continue for some time, as you plough further and further into your script to discover such gems as "how long have you been in the telemarketing business?", "How much do you earn?" and "Do you get time off for going to the Dentist?"

The script even contains measures for when the caller fails to co-operate. For example, if they continue to ask questions, you'd respond: "I can't provide this information because I need unprejudiced answers." If they want to know what happens to the answers, you say: "I can appreciate your hesitation, but this is an important piece of information used for verification purposes and I will handle it with strict confidentiality."

Finally, if (when) they get upset, you say: "Do you have a problem answering questions to a stranger on the phone about which you don't know the purposes?"

Obviously you need the time and inclination to do this, but by all accounts it can lead to memorable periods of great fun.


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