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bad manager, what to do

By louis29 ·
I've been in my current position for very nearly 12 months. I work in a small IT department, me and my boss. Its my bosses first management position and i've got to be honest he's not very good at it. Things have been getting more and more strained between us because I get that he doesn't trust me, He never delegates, and can never take my word for something he always has to go back and check and do things his way. Recently he has started picking me up on even the smallest things even things that aren't my fault. Its got to the point now where it's starting to effect my life inside and outside of work. My confidence and motivation has gone and i come home from work and it just winds me up even more!!! What should i do? I'm currently looking for a new position but with no confidence its quite difficult to sell yourself in an interview. If i was to hand my resignation in, how do i explain it to future employers. Or what would people views of taking 6 months off then travelling be. Im 24 years of age with 2 years commercial experiance

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Ive been in exactly the same position

by robertcleiper2003 In reply to bad manager, what to do

Louis,

I found myself in almost exactly the same position as you 18 months after I graduated Uni. I had gone back to Uni after working as a builder for three years where conflicts are resolved on the site immediately and often violently. Always the conflict was forgotten after it was resolved, though.

The politics, the sniping and the continual critisism that went on in the office of my new job I found to be childish and more than a bit petty. Because I found it impossible to engage in the same playground antics it became apparent very soon that I was the new whipping boy.

Life was ****. Every comment stabbed deeper and deeper. The slightest mistake was blown up and dragged out for days. Good work was rewared grudgingly and always with a comment like so you finally managed to do something right. As you can guess confidence went out the window and my private life suffered accordingly.

I thought I had made a very big mistake ever thinking that an office job was for me. I was lucky though. Even with my confidence shattered I looked for and got another job.

What a difference. I couldnt believe there were better places to work. The work was the same but the people were positive, professional and motivated. I couldnt believe that made such a difference. The environment was such that you could actually mess up without fear of two weeks of harrassment, therefore people didnt mind owning up to messing up, therefore the work got done quicker.

There are better places to work, there are better people to work with. You have been doing this for 12 months - leave before that ******* grinds you down completely.

And to all those people who say I couldnt hack it in the first job? I say you dont have to: after 10 years my friend still works for that company under the same boss for 20% less money than me. This guy graduated ahead of me in my class too.

A bad boss can ruin your life and your future. Dont give em the steam off your highly qualified shite.

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by adam.chen In reply to bad manager, what to do

I had the same situation 3 years ago. My boss was such a " talking without listening " guy.I never thought he was a competent leader.
If you feel your confidence eroded. Try this way:
1. List all you advantage on current position or the one you are looking for.
2. List all your boss 's "bad".
3. Get comments on your boss from other colleagues and list them.
4. Compare above lists to see what's wrong.
5. Find the reason then change yourself or pickup your confidence.
In this way, I found all most all my colleagues in the department had the same feeling towards the boss. He even did not have a good reputation in other department. If this is the case for you,you will surely feel much better and know what to do.
Do not take a long off. Tell the truth to your future employer. Most of people have the same experience as you. You are not alone!

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Build up your resume and leave

by angry_white_male In reply to bad manager, what to do

My experience with bad bosses is that they'll always be bad bosses. Someone must like they guy (or he's related to or sleeping with the right person)... or the person that put him into that job was blinded by this guy's IT abilities and didn't give his management/leadership skills any thought in the hiring process. Most techies tend to be introverted and do not make good leaders. Finding the best of both worlds is difficult.

I'm in a similar situation (my boss, former network admin, zero management experience promoted as the Dir of IT for the company because our former CEO was impressed with his technical skills). His inexperience and lack of leadership skills clearly shows and it's frustrating for all of us (even people outside the IT organization know it). We have a new administration here and his bosses are aware of it - but have bigger issues to deal with coming into the next fiscal year. Lucky for me, I'm on the CEO's list of "up and coming" people here - so there's light at the end of the tunnel thankfully. At 34 with a wife and 2 kids - I need to settle down in one place (the benefits here are very good). Moving to a new company every 2-3 years isn't an option anymore.

In the meantime, build up your resume and start to develop an exit strategy for yourself... there are better bosses/companies/jobs out there - however because the IT job market is competitive, you need to bide your time somewhere and develop meaningful experience. It's obvious that you work for a small company and that your job is a stepping-stone, or they wouldn't have hired an inexperienced 23 yr old fresh out of college.

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beyond picky

by pete1978 In reply to bad manager, what to do

louis29 stated, "Recently he has started picking me up on even the smallest things even things that aren't my fault."

I can take that one step farther. I had a boss that sent me onsite to a customer to correct the mistake made by another tech in my company. Because I was suppose to be correcting the error the other tech made, my boss wanted me to run my solution past him before I suggested the solution to the customer.

The other tech had the customer order a tape drive that was not compatible with their Net OS. My solution was to exchange the tape drive for compatible equipment, but this would cost the customer about $500 more. When I called my boss with this solution, he threw out my solution and gave me one of his own.

My boss' solution involved installing used tape drive that my boss had in a closet for about three years. This solution avoided the customer spending more $$$ on new equipment.

It didn't work. The used tape drive failed immediately. The day it was installed, I told my boss that it was not working and that we needed to revisit the idea of exchanging equipment. I was berated for such a suggestion and told that we needed to make it work.

For two months, I had a personal tape drive setup on this customer's workstation backing up critical data files so that the customer had a working backup while my boss sent other techs to the customer's site to see if they could make it work. None of them could get it working. For two months, my boss refused to accept the idea that we needed to try a different plan.

Finally, using the original incompatible tape drive my coworker had the customer purchase, I setup the customer's workstation to backup the server over the network. Of course, many server OS files were not included in the backup using this solution but it was faster and better than the backup the customer was getting using my tiny old tape drive.

For the next year, in nearly every conversation with my boss regarding my job performance, he blamed me because his solution didn't work. Somehow, I was to blame not only because my co-worker had recommended the wrong equipment, but also because my boss?s idea didn't work. The real kicker is that I didn't even know there was a used tape drive in a closet at our company until my boss provided this "solution". But, the whole problem was my fault according to my boss.

So, how do you deal with a boss who blames you when his ideas are bad?

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The solution to it all

by khonkonen In reply to bad manager, what to do

Outwork him. This is the only real way to gain a place, a name for yourself, and control over how things are handled. I know how you feel. He can try to control you, but he cannot control the knowledge base. You are a network guy right? Get deeper into protocols, Active directory, Cisco routing, advanced security. Find a project that is a necessity to the company/organization and you will be free of his or her games.

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by maggie_t In reply to bad manager, what to do

I was in a similar position - my manager was a new hire, his manager was trying to get promoted to VP - and NO WAY was she going to admit that he was a total screw-up because it would have affected her plans for herself. When lay-off time came the two of us who were running the app were told goodbye - our extra hard work to try to compensate for his clear dislike of us had no bearing on the decision. The contractors who surfed the web all day, showed up late, took long lunches and left early while billing for overtime and faking test results stayed. His boss got her promotion to VP and then quit a couple of months before the layoffs, the manager got moved to the side and away from managing people. He's still there gold-plating every project he touches - he has a dr jekyll/mr hyde character and somehow his word hasn't been evaluated for what it's really worth yet. Your only chance in this situation is to flatter the guy and show him how great you think he is all the time, find another opportunity in the company or outside and go for it. If your boss's boss is too concerned about self-promotion, corporate politics or running other areas of the company you are not going to get any relief. HR is not going to do anything if they aren't getting some support from above your boss. Get what you can and go without making enemies - your co-workers who have integrity will still respect you and you will still respect yourself. My big flaws in this situation were not flattering the guy all the time, not being blond or male - which really have no bearing on the work I was doing at all.

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talk to your manager

by PG05 In reply to bad manager, what to do
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Healing with thoughts

by goldmoon In reply to bad manager, what to do

First of all: I completely understand your problem and sympathize with you. This is an extremely difficult situation (affecting almost all of us at a certain point in life) which sometimes takes all our wisdom and even heroism to handle.

The main dilemma in such a case is to decide if
the situation is reparable or not, because
sometimes people just don't click, no matter what we do, due to the a huge gap between their
personalities, work-related and general world-view. In most of the cases, however, (as I tend to believe now, having learnt from my own mistakes in the past) we are all thrown into a situation for a reason. When we are driven into suffering like this, we may want to try not to judge it, but to heal it. I have been in similar situation in the past and, in fact, contradictory to what sounds reasonable, when I tried to "heal" it by better performance, it was counterproductive, because I developed more negative vibrations around me. Even if I killed myself over work with the most selfless intentions, the too tense focus on work and perfection was perceived by the others as a sort of threat.

I think it is a good idea to consider (as it was
mentioned in some replies ) that your manager is
also very likely to suffer from the negativity that has been thickening between you guys. (He probably does not show it, though) The vicious cycle is like this: the more negative response he may receive and sense coming from you, the
more negative he will become, therefore the more
negative response you will receive and give again.
The hero is the one who tries to break this cycle.

What you may try to do in this case is to give him and yourself some time, and - knowing that we are all in the same boat after all - start thinking of him with the compassion and understanding as you would think of yourself or a friend. In fact, we all are "psychic" and respond to each others' inner thoughts first of all; all the other forms of communication are derived from the very truth of our thoughts.

The more loving and pure thoughts you will send him the more likely things will start to change towards mutual understanding and sense of humor, and, God knows, he may even become your friend one day.

PS: in any case, you have all the reasons to keep up your confidence and inner inspiration.

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First test for intentional vs. unintentional badness

by info In reply to bad manager, what to do

Hello Louis29,

You're in quite a difficult situation, and as you can see from the responses, this topic is a hot button for a lot of people. Take your time and prepare yourself to determine how best to deal with this situation.

First, determine whether your boss intends to cause you harm or is inadvertently causing you harm. If his behavior is unintentional due to his lack of skills, he may be open to working with you in a different way if you make him aware of the effect he's having on you. However, if his behavior is intentional, he's a bad boss who can't be managed or corrected no matter what you do. Bosses who want to behave badly can affect you psychologically and diminish your self-esteem and confidence no matter how strong your fortitude if you remain in the situation long enough. Check out www.bigbadboss.com to learn more about intentionally bad bosses. Thirteen different bad-boss types are profiled in the book "Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad Boss?" See if you boss is described in one of those profiles. If he is, follow the suggested strategies in the book for his type. If he's not, consider yourself lucky and follow the advice of those who posted to this thread suggesting that you meet with him?but don't do that unless you're sure he doesn't want to harm you.

Best of luck,

Marilyn Haight

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open your mind to your boss

by ashley_ludan In reply to bad manager, what to do

I think your problems is very popular for the working people. You should know most manager always looks like serious and unfriendly to his employees.compare your age and experiance, actually you look so young-which has not enough experiance during the society.In fact,you should tries to believe that your boss is not real untrust at all, he just wants to practice your abilities of your work. why I can say that? because if he doesnt trust you, he will not employ you. Try to open your mind to your boss, it's the best way to change the relative between your boss and you. I suggest you can talk with your boss about your family or your hobbies after go off work, I'm sure no boss would knit his brows after finishes his job.Talk more to him and makes him change his impression of you.You should know that your manager is not universal, he will give you opportunities when he meets some hard problems. so don't give up to show your advices to him; one day, when he notices and sures your skills, he would take your advices in the end. But you should pay attation that always make a plan before you want to take your word with him. Some superfluous words would caused him crazy! And fight to him if he blames you or do some things which made you unhappy.I think you should try to develop the skills to turn the situation because it's not only necessary to your work presently but also helps your to conquer other reverses in the future. Or if you won't try to conquer it, it would continue bind you if you get other new jobs! Allow me to offer my heartiest wishes-Good luck!

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