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Canadian Friday smile

By Bob in Calgary ·
An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. For his first chapter he decided to write about American churches. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would work his way across the country from South to North. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read $10,000.00 per call. The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to Heaven and that for $10,000.00 one could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and asked a nearby nun what its purpose was? She told him that it was a direct line to Heaven and that for $10,000.00 he could talk to God.

"O.K. , thanks" said the American.

He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston New-York., N. Dakota, and Montana In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same $10,000.00 per call sign under it. Upon leaving Montana, the American saw a sign for CANADA and decided to see if Canadians had the same golden telephone. He arrived in Calgary Alberta and again there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read 25 cents per call. The American was surprised and intrigued so he asked the priest about the sign, "Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in every state the price was $10,000.00 per call.
Why is it so cheap here.?"

The priest smiled and answered: "You're in Canada now son, it's a local call."

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by gbrownlee In reply to Canadian Friday smile


1. Big Rock between you and B.C.
2. Ottawa who?
3. Tax is 7 percent instead of approximately 200 percent for the rest of the country.
4. The Premier is a fat, alcoholic who is easy to make fun of.
5. Flames vs. Oilers.
6. Stamps vs. Eskies.
7. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
8. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be it's own country.
9. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.
10. You can attempt to murder your rich oil tycoon husband and get away with it.

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Funny part

by Oz_Media In reply to Bob

It's actually true and what people live by. We got a **** tank for a mayor, awesome.
There's also the Big Crack that 'divides us'but I have to give it to you, I have driven in through Fort Steele and back through Rogers Pass dozens of times, each and every time you get chills when you see the rockies, a truly stunning spectacle that leaves any living soul in awe.

I think the only thing I prefer in BC over Alberta is the coast. I grew up in England, Lived in Cape Breton, Nova Scotia and now Vancouver Island???? Island boy perhaps??

I HAVE to be at the ocean, even though I don't sail much anymore. Vancouver didn't cut it (though they do have good sailing), I needed the endless gaze of the Pacific, next stop Asia.

Although I don't see the Pacific from my home, Long Beach, Tofino and Uclulet are regular stops to me for camping and weekend advetures. That's it....the edge of the world.

I can understand exactly what the Europeans used to wonder as they looked out over the Atlantic, wonder if it all ended or came back full circle. Until you have experienced the edge of the world, you really cannot fathom the feeling you get.

Much like gazing to space when in the middle of nowhere, you can see stars upon stars upon stars upon stars endlessly.

I couldn't imagine possibly living in the MIDDLE of a country, like central US or something, where many people have never even SEEN an ocean. It certainly explains the self infatuated mindset of many who live in such isolation almost to the point where you wish you could help by letting them see the rest of the world.

But Alberta, ROCKS, gorgeous!! Cheap smokes (25's!) cheep liquor and GOOD service at private liquor stores, they are in teh process of removing many of the 'government dairies' here and opening up Beer Stores that sell liquor, finally!

My most favorable trips ever are visting long beach or Banff/Calgary/Jasper.

I don't think a lot of people realize what's there, maybe I should be quiet and keep it that way. Yes, that's it!

Everyone go to Hawaii and Mexico for your vacations, it's horrid up here!!! BLECH!!! YUCKY

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Its cold too !

by gbrownlee In reply to Funny part

That alone should keep the riff raff out of here. As we all know, as soon as you cross the 49th parrallel headed north, the land of ice and snow starts.

Top 10 reasons to live in B.C.

. 2010 Winter Olympics - champagne tastes on a beer belly budget.
2. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges.
3. The local Whistler hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder.
4. The local wine doesn't taste like malt vinegar.
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
6. A university with a nude beach.
7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
8. Great place for avalanche training.
9. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
10. A drunk driving premier - setting a good example for all British Columbians? a Ralph Klein wannabe.

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Border guards in igloos

by Oz_Media In reply to Its cold too !

It's true!!

You cross from Bellingham to Canada and the ice and snow starts. Border guards wearing Muklucks and driving dog sleds will give you the third degree and question the ingredients of good poutine.

Where did you get your Vancouver facts from though?

>Olympics, I'll give you that but it will bring lots of opportunities to make some really fast cash.
?Two bridges?
Lets see, there are four joining Vncouver to teh outskirts, two PLUS two main streets to get from Vancouver into downtown.
>Whistler, ahh Ross! A True Canadian!
>The Okanagan wine is pretty damn good!
>Nobody buys a home downtown, $3000.00 gets you a nice house in the suburbs but they have the skytrain, gets you anywhere from the Vancouver area to any suburb in less than 30 minutes.
>UBC, well Wreck Beach is a nude beach and public market (you name it, you can buy it) by day, a party hangout by night. But those damn steps!!! Haven't done that uphill struggle since I was a teenager!
>Three Starbucks? YOU don't know how to throw a rock, you should be able to hit 4 or 5. And what god awful crap do they serve!?!?!
>Haven't heard nor seen any local avalanches lately, but yes Red Mountain in Rossland does have a world famous avalanche training school.
>The deforestation projects are from our friends ot the south who build massive corporations here and buy literally a third of our unprotected forests so they can do as they please with them.
>The Premier, hey I'd buy him a drink. I know he hangs out at a bar I used to frequent when living in town.

Ahhh reality, I LOVE Canada.

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by Bob in Calgary In reply to Funny part

I've travelled all round europe and the med but for me alberta is one of the most beautiful areas I've seen, We live about an hour out of calgary on a 23 acre ranch on top of a hill we have an unobstructed view of the mountains to the west and the high river valley to the east. To see that view from my doorstep makes working in IT bearable ( don't even mind the 70Km commute). Winter can be challenging but thats what snow days are for. As a reality check we have 12 alpacas, 16 llamas, 2 minute donkeys, 39 chickens 4 dogs and not sure how many cats, the yots keep eating them. But after a tough day fighting politics and BDEU's (brain dead end users) there is nothing more relaxing than working with the animals even it it is just shovelling sh*t then sitting back with a cold beer watching the sun set over the mountains.

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2-minute donkeys?

by Oz_Media In reply to Alberta

Is that anything like a three minute egg?

I always found them quite chewy when undercooked.

I had a group play outdoors at a private party for a retiree that had just bought a small resort/grow op in Seton Portage (another stunning little village). The band was going full tilt at about 1 AM but the llamas across the road got stirred up and about a dozen got through/over the fence somehow. There was a good 40 of us, running up and down the street (and I mean THE street) pissed drunk and laughing hysterically as we rounded them all back up for the neighbours.

They are surprisingly hard to climb on and ride though when they are so upset, and BOY do they ever get PO'd. Maybe a new rodeo event, I don't think I stayed on 8 seconds! LOL oh the memories!

Actually, do you or your family make any wool proudcts from them?

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by Bob in Calgary In reply to 2-minute donkeys?

Damn spell checker, correction Miniture donkeys. Both my wife and I work full time in IT. We sell alpaca socks part time to friends but are actively investigating expanding the market for this type of stuff. We are looking at all aspects including Llama meat which not only tastes good but is near zero in fat content so It's healthy. Eventually we both want to kiss technology goodbye and retire to the Llama and Alpaca business.

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Cottage industry

by Oz_Media In reply to Fibre

The backbone of Canada, I love it and wish you both the best of luck!

THAT'S the issue with American and Canadian business differences. We believe in small cottage industry and small self made businesses. In America it seems that the quest to become a capitalist giant is more appealing.

Is it because we are more laid back due to our surroundings and just want to relax and enjoy it instead?

Kinda like looking at the playground through the windows when sitting in school. :)

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Two Albertans in one site

by gbrownlee In reply to Alberta

Hi Bob:

I too live in Alberta and could endlessly laud its vitues, but OZ does such a good job.

I was raised in Calgary and left the city right after the NEP was enacted.

I currently reside on a quarter section that is partially on top of a ridge, 45 minutes west of Red Deer. I too have a view, but not of the mountains. If I go a 1/4 mile, I can see them.

As for the Llamas,etc., don't be quittin' the day job too fast. Just think of the buffalo and elk ranchers that are losing lots of bucks on 'exotic' livestock. This year alone, there were two instances of ranchers releasing elk and bison locally. Couldn't afford to feed them. Got into alot of trouble with the law.

Its nice to 'see' a fellow redneck at TR.


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by Bob in Calgary In reply to Two Albertans in one site

Yes I know the problems, Folks put huge sums of money into these things because the value was seen in the animal sales not the products. I recently bought 6 Llamas for $50 each which were originally sold for 2-3,000 each. The way we figure it the value is in the products not the animals and that's what we are concentrating on. plus they are really cool critters to have around.

I'm thinking of training one of the Llamas to spit on command for when the JW's come round to "save" me.

I know the area you live in, my wifes uncle lives about 6Km north east of Rocky. Is your quarter trees or do you ranch/farm any of it?

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