General discussion


Don't shake my hand

By maxwell edison ·
(Due warning for the faint-hearted. Graphic descriptions might follow.)

Contrary to what others might think, I'm a very cordial and sociable kinda' guy. However, I'm beginning to think that I should stop the practice of shaking one's hand when extended in greeting.

I was standing in the restroom the other day ("standing" should be a hint), and some other guy came out of the stall ("standing" versus "the stall" should be descriptive enough). Did he go to the sink to wash his hands? Nooooooo -- right for the door and out he went. This wasn't a one-time occurrence, of course, as it's been suggested that up to twenty percent of people do not wash their hands after using the restroom. (I wonder if there's been a "stall" versus "standing" comparison?) Men are worse offenders than women, by the way. (Don't ask me how I know!) However, I wonder how accurate that twenty percent number really is? After all, who would actually admit to not washing their hands after using the restroom? And how many people might do it only when there's someone else in there to see, and not do it when they're alone? I would bet that it's higher than twenty percent.

A few minutes later I was walking down the hallway, and I see this other guy with his finger so far up his nose that you'd think he was digging for gold. According to some publication that I may or may not have read (and which may or may not be reliable, depending on your desired end conclusion), upwards of 65 percent of people pick their nose regularly throughout the day. I've yet to see a study on how many of those people wash THEIR hands afterwards. I'd also bet that more men than women pick their noses. After all, those fingernails could really do some damage! (By the way, do you know which bacteria is most prevalent on the utensils used in buffet lines?)

It's cold and flu season, you know, and I can't tell you how many people I've seen sneeze and cough into their bare hands. I've never seen one of them, however, wash their hands afterwards. And how many people **** their nose into a tissue, only to **** a huge hole right through it? My God, they may as well **** their nose right into their hands!

At the end of a day observing such behavior, I went into the break room for a cup of coffee. "Fresh coffee coming up", someone told me as he was fumbling through the filters to pick one out. On second thought, perhaps I shouldn't have a cup of coffee so late in the day -- especially since I wasn't sure that he wasn't the same guy I saw digging for gold earlier!

And just think about all those keyboards and mice you fondle each and every day!

For some reason, I've been wondering about something. What would be a good way to politely refrain from shaking one's hand? And some people, you know, are so danged pushy about it!

This conversation is currently closed to new comments.

Thread display: Collapse - | Expand +

All Comments

Collapse -

I was dumb to post that

by DMambo In reply to Areyou trying to

Now you're racist against the dumb like Neil. I'm starting to feel like a second-class citizen around here.

Collapse -

I wanted to post a reply

by maecuff In reply to Areyou trying to

to Mambo's post, but he didn't provide the 'reply to post' button. What a dumba$$.

Anyway..Mambo, there are probably groups you can join. You know, be with your own kind. You can still lead a productive life. You can make macaroni pictures and you can use glue and glitter and scissors (but only the kind with rounded edges). Just don't hurt yourself by worrying about this too much. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.

Collapse -

But I don't WANT to move to Ireland!!!

by DMambo In reply to Areyou trying to
Collapse -


by maecuff In reply to Areyou trying to

Very good response for someone with limited abilities. :)

Ditto on the 'no offense to Shell'

Collapse -


by langballse In reply to Areyou trying to

Please dont move to ireland.We have enough foreigners here all ready.You comming to find your roots , just like all you tossers

Collapse -

Haven't you heard

by TonytheTiger In reply to Don't shake my hand

that exposure to small amounts of bacteria is actually good for your immune system? :)

Collapse -

Yes, I have heard that

by maxwell edison In reply to Haven't you heard

But regardless, something else I don't do is frolic in any of the local waste water facilities, oftentimes known as water parks!

Collapse -

I have two word for you

by langballse In reply to Don't shake my hand
Collapse -

Langballse@ you might find this informative.

by sleepin'dawg In reply to I have two word for you

This is the general consensus around here of your intellect.

Dawg ]:)

Related Discussions

Related Forums