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Don't shake my hand

By maxwell edison ·
(Due warning for the faint-hearted. Graphic descriptions might follow.)

Contrary to what others might think, I'm a very cordial and sociable kinda' guy. However, I'm beginning to think that I should stop the practice of shaking one's hand when extended in greeting.

I was standing in the restroom the other day ("standing" should be a hint), and some other guy came out of the stall ("standing" versus "the stall" should be descriptive enough). Did he go to the sink to wash his hands? Nooooooo -- right for the door and out he went. This wasn't a one-time occurrence, of course, as it's been suggested that up to twenty percent of people do not wash their hands after using the restroom. (I wonder if there's been a "stall" versus "standing" comparison?) Men are worse offenders than women, by the way. (Don't ask me how I know!) However, I wonder how accurate that twenty percent number really is? After all, who would actually admit to not washing their hands after using the restroom? And how many people might do it only when there's someone else in there to see, and not do it when they're alone? I would bet that it's higher than twenty percent.

A few minutes later I was walking down the hallway, and I see this other guy with his finger so far up his nose that you'd think he was digging for gold. According to some publication that I may or may not have read (and which may or may not be reliable, depending on your desired end conclusion), upwards of 65 percent of people pick their nose regularly throughout the day. I've yet to see a study on how many of those people wash THEIR hands afterwards. I'd also bet that more men than women pick their noses. After all, those fingernails could really do some damage! (By the way, do you know which bacteria is most prevalent on the utensils used in buffet lines?)

It's cold and flu season, you know, and I can't tell you how many people I've seen sneeze and cough into their bare hands. I've never seen one of them, however, wash their hands afterwards. And how many people **** their nose into a tissue, only to **** a huge hole right through it? My God, they may as well **** their nose right into their hands!

At the end of a day observing such behavior, I went into the break room for a cup of coffee. "Fresh coffee coming up", someone told me as he was fumbling through the filters to pick one out. On second thought, perhaps I shouldn't have a cup of coffee so late in the day -- especially since I wasn't sure that he wasn't the same guy I saw digging for gold earlier!

And just think about all those keyboards and mice you fondle each and every day!

For some reason, I've been wondering about something. What would be a good way to politely refrain from shaking one's hand? And some people, you know, are so danged pushy about it!

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In the meetings

by jdclyde In reply to That is true

he tells you to sit on papa Eddies lap? :0

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I'd rather

by maecuff In reply to In the meetings

lick a doorknob..

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Does he play the

by w2ktechman In reply to That is true

Dirty Old Man well?

I know a few who can if you want to meet them!

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So ... who's up for Karaoke?

by drowningnotwaving In reply to Don't shake my hand

F'ck me, if you guys are freaked out about the door knobs, you do NOT want to know what goes down a microphone !!

It gets all the yummies from the fingers, PLUS the mouth (usually including lips) as well as a healthy dose of sweat.

"Mi grubby germ e tu grubby germ".

We've survived this long.

I'm guessing the ones that are really worried about this never had too many one night stands back in college?

What are you telling your kids? Take disinfectant wipes to the next dance?

eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

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As w2ktehcman pointed out,

by mjwx In reply to Don't shake my hand

Hand sanitizers, polly's use it all the time when they go to public gatherings.

I don't know if you take this as seriously in the states but to an Australian shaking someone's hand at the very least polite, its an indication of how sincere you are. If you're doing business with an Aussie extends their hand refusing to shake it is amongst the rudest things you could do. Like I said I don't know how seriously you take shaking hands in the states.

If you want to be fastidious I recommend the sanitizer as opposed to refusing to shake someone's hand. I don't really worry, I don't east the free nuts and wash my hands before I eat.

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Purell Hand Sanitiser

by Tig2 In reply to Don't shake my hand

In my suit coat pocket. I use it constantly.

I believe that 20% is an understatement. I would opt for somewhere between 30 and 40%.

The killer is that you exit the stall and turn the water on with the soiled hand that you wish to cleanse. You wash carefully. Then you reach for the same knob that turned the water on (with its payload of germs that you wish to be rid of!) and turn the water off. Unless you are me.

Having been a nurse, I actually went to school to learn how to wash my hands the right way and, let me tell you- the lessons stuck.

Wash your hands in plenty of soapy water. Next reach for a towel and dry them. Using the towel you have dried your hands on, turn off the water.

I also keep a supply of antibacterial wipes handy. I use them to clean my keyboard weekly and my phone daily. I always keep a loaner pen handy and will not loan a pen I really like. My fiance found himself in that spot once. The person requesting the loan of his pen put it in his mouth over the course of the conversation. Needless to say, my fiance let the pen go.

A couple of other treasures I have seen- washing one's face in the drinking fountain and blowing one's nose in the sink. EEEWWWWW!


Edit- spelling

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You speculate about women picking their noses...

by Absolutely In reply to Don't shake my hand

but you declare with certainty that they wash their hands more often after using the toilet. I think a confession is in order. I'm waiting.

This wasn't a one-time occurrence, of course, as it's been suggested that up to twenty percent of people do not wash their hands after using the restroom. (I wonder if there's been a "stall" versus "standing" comparison?) Men are worse offenders than women, by the way. (Don't ask me how I know!) ...I'd also bet that more men than women pick their noses.

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I will NEVER tell

by maxwell edison In reply to You [i]speculate[/i] abou ...

No confession. I will never tell how I know. You can wait until **** freezes over or the earth boils away from global warming. I don't care. I will never divulge my "source".

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Its true.

by jevan205 In reply to You [i]speculate[/i] abou ...

But its true. What girl goes to the toilet and doesnt wash their hands?? I think you are the only person who will say something against it.

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think again

by Shellbot In reply to Its true.

What girl goes to the toilet and doesnt wash their hands??

Plenty of them..and the things i see..ewwee..
coming out of the stall, going to the mirror digging in the handbag to get the lip gloss, and using thier fingers to put in on with

how sick is that..some people are so gross..i'm with Mae..don't touch me ..

however, i'm not obsessed by it, and i just try and put it out my mind. we've lived alongside bacteria for a long time now, our bodies are pretty good at dealing with it..

but yes..people, you know who you are , wash your frikkin hands after using the toilet.

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