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Friday Yuk

By heml0ck ·
ok, i've been busy the last few weeks, time to make up for it!

A young naval student was being rigorously tested orally by an old sea
captain.

Captain: "What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on starboard?"
Student: "Throw out an anchor, sir."
Captain: "What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"
Student: "Throw out another anchor, sir."
Captain: "Suppose another horrendous storm sprang up forward, what
would you do?
Student: "Throw out another anchor, sir.
Captain: "Hold on. Where are you getting all those anchors from?
Student: "From the same place you are getting your storms, sir."

******

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing,
because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air
Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a
B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked,
"one of those dreaded seven-engine approaches!"

******

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement, turn right 45 Degrees." "Center, we are
at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever
heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

******

SR-71 Pilots
I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as
Walt (my backseater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13
miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other
aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really
control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a
Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed. "90 knots" Center replied.
Moments later, a Twin Beech requested the same. "120 knots," Center
answered. We weren't the only ones proud of our groundspeed that day as
almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52
requests groundspeed readout." There was a slight pause, then the
response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty." Another silent pause. As I
was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar
click of a radio transmission coming from my backseater. It was at that
precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were
both thinking in unison. "Center, Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed
readout for us?" There was a longer than normal pause.... "Aspen, I show
1,742 knots." No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.

******

In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a
request for clearance to FL 60 0 (60,000ft.) The incredulous controller,
with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to
60,000 feet? The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, " We don't
plan to go up to it, we plan to come down to it..." He was cleared...

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The Australian Army have found roos to be very useful

by Deadly Ernest In reply to I was out of line with th ...

Ive heard of a number of instances where live gunnery shoots were being carried out when roos had wandered on to the range and into the target area - this happens more often at ranges that are infrequently used. The officer incharge orders the guns to wait a moment, then when he feels tha roos are in the right spot opens fire and then has different guns try to track and deal with individual roos as they scatter. Kind of adds to the reality of target practice.

I'm not sure how true the stories are, or if their 'urban legends'. But I can well imagine plenty of Army people using roos as live targets if the opportunity arose.

As a general rule when farmers and the like go roo hunting they tend to go in groups using 12 guage shot guns hunting on foot; while professional roo hunters use .303 rifles and similar heavy caliber weapons to hunt them from the backs of vehicles like utes, 1 tonne trucks and open back land drovers etc.

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To clarify further

by OnTheRopes In reply to I was out of line with th ...

I?m on record here at TR as being a non-hunter but I don?t believe I ever said that I don?t find it necessary to kill occasionally. If it needs to be done I?m highly in favor of killing wild and domestic creatures as quickly and humanely as possible. I understand the need for elimination of pests and the occasional threatening predator and have had to take up my shotgun, rifle, hammer, knife and club to clean out a few. I learned a long time ago that some jobs require you to take no pleasure and feel no regret. It needed to be done so I did it and could do it again if needed. I just don?t like having to do it.

Apparently you have some of your own groups of people dedicated to misguided efforts at improving the environment. There appears to be a lot of money in that so good luck. Even if they disband they?ll just find another misinformed benefactor and sprout up someplace else.


I always thought Roo would be tasty. You can get Buffalo (Bison) meat here at a premium price because it's good and lean meat. I was wondering how accurate that websites statment was regarding the worst animal slaughter. I'll probably Google it and see how many Bison were killed just for their hides. Without looking, I'll bet that site is wrong.

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Taste.

by markc In reply to FYI - Most large Kangaroo ...

I know roo's look stupid but I hear they taste like chicken.

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No it's more subtle that chicken

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Taste.

While Roo is a red meat it doesn't have the distinctive heavy flavour of most red meats but a fuller flavour than the white meats that are currently available.

While it tastes a bit like Chicken I would say that it's more like Snake but again it all depends on how it was prepared and cooked.

Col

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When I was in Sydney...

by cubeslave In reply to FYI - Most large Kangaroo ...

I went to a restaurant that served roo. As I recall, at least when cooked the way I had it, they can be mighty tasty.

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Or just come to my house

by Tig2 In reply to Can't resist

But not without an invitation!

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Afraid, not there

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Stuff

Our Japanese Work Boots don't need steal toe caps because we are fast enough to get our feet out of the way before anything goes wrong.

So all I can say heres is You're BUSTED

Col ]:)

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It doesn't have the same ring to it

by OnTheRopes In reply to Afraid, not there

but I have sometimes thought I should change my alias to AlwaysBusted. I'm not going to do it but I think about it.

Flatbusted... maybe.

The name on that pic was how I found it BTW. For some reason you came to mind.

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If they married...

by Bubba69 In reply to Friday Yuk

If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.

If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.

If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.

If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.

If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.

If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.

If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.

If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.

If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.

How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.

If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to marry Kenny G., he'd be G. Ghali G.

Nog (Quark's brother on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") has no other name, so he uses it twice when getting a marriage license. If he married Howard Hughes, and then Pamela Dare, he'd be Nog Nog Hughes Dare.

If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan Hale, she'd be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale. (This one may take a little longer to get)

If Jack Handy (SNL writer) married Andy Capp, then married Jack Paar, then moved on to Stephen King, he'd be Jack Handy Capp Paar King.

If Javier Lopez married Keiko the whale, and Edith Piaf married Rose Tu the elephant, they would be Javier Keiko and Edith Tu.

If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.

If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck Hur.

If Dolly Parton married Tommy Smothers, then went even further back in show business and married Mr. Lucky, then divorced and married Martin Short, then divorced and married football kicker Ray Guy, we could all nod understandingly when we heard, "Dolly Parton Smothers Lucky Short Guy."

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those are so bad they're good!

by heml0ck In reply to If they married...

I was faced with a difficult decision recently and asked my friends what I should do. This is what I got...

Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

A silent man is a wise one. A man without words is a man without thoughts.

Look before you leap. He who hesitates is lost.

Many hands make light work. Too many cooks spoil the broth.

Actions speak louder than words. The pen is mightier than the sword.

Clothes make the man. Don't judge a book by its cover.

It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. The nail that sticks out gets hammered.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Better safe than sorry.

Now what do I do???

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