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Friday Yuk

By stargazerr ·
Universal Truths

When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough

When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,

When I do something without being told,
I am trying to
be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.

When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he's on business.

When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.

When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's

When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets ...

Happy Friday Everyone. My parents are arriving today and I have taken monday and tuesday off from the office. Its going to be a lovely Loooooong weekend for me.


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Thanks very much DM

by stargazerr In reply to Oh, and SStargazer...

I see that you are inching your way towards the gutter after all


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My son

by maecuff In reply to Joe and Wanda had a small ...

who is now 18 years old, told my husband and I (years ago) "I know what you guys are doing when you go in the bedroom and turn the stereo up.."

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Groovin' to Barry White

by DMambo In reply to My son


As long as BOTH of you were home when the music was playin'

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by maecuff In reply to Groovin' to Barry White

we were both there, and while Barry White is supremely cool, more likely, The Ramones, The Clash or maybe Rancid was playing.. Barry IS cool, but so many beats per minute has it's merits. :)

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Squeezing lemons

by jardinier In reply to Friday Yuk

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice "I'd like to try the bet."

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

The man replied "I work for the IRS."

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My contribution comes from my 8 year old son..

by maecuff In reply to Friday Yuk

Did you hear about the race between two silk worms?

It ended in a tie..

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Along the same lines

by xc7c6e3 In reply to My contribution comes fro ...

Did you hear about the guy who lost his entire left side in an accident?

O, yes... it was indeed terrible.

But he's all right now.

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A little fun at Apple's expense

by Peter Spande In reply to Friday Yuk
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Oh lordy...

by Cactus Pete In reply to A little fun at Apple's e ...

I have to calculate the points for this one!

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Biker and the Yuppie bar

by OnTheRopes In reply to Friday Yuk

The huge biker walked into the Yuppie bar in a foul mood. After demanding a beer he looked to his right and shouted, ?everyone on the right side of the room is a ******,? then he turned back to face the bar. Dead silence. After he?d had a few swallows of his beer the biker looked to his left and shouted, ?everybody on the left side of this room is an a$$hole,? then he turned back to face the bar. Dead silence until the biker heard quick quiet footsteps crossing the room behind him. The biker whirled and shouted, ?where in the **** do you think YOU?RE going!? The Yuppie lisped, ?Excuthe me thir! I was on the wrong thide of the room!?

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