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Friday Yuk

By stargazerr ·
Universal Truths


When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough


When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,


When I do something without being told,
I am trying to
be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,


When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,


When I make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.


When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he's on business.


When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.


When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an
interview
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's
overworked


When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets ...


Happy Friday Everyone. My parents are arriving today and I have taken monday and tuesday off from the office. Its going to be a lovely Loooooong weekend for me.

]:)

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Chocaholics unanimous

by jardinier In reply to Friday Yuk

The Rules of Chocolate

- If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

- Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

- The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

- Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.

- If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

- If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

- Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.

- Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.

- Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

- A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy?

- If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

- If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?

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Jules the US Tries very hard

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Chocaholics unanimous

To stamp out the Chocolate Trade they have their very own Agiency to track down and catch both the low end sellers commonly known as Pushers and users.

This is the CIA Chocolate Ingestigation Agiency. Their aim to to stop the flow of foregin chocolate into the US and it's use in the US if it is the home grown stuff that is being Pushed onto the Unsuspecting Public there is no problems but they need to prevent the importation of the Foegin chocolate particuarly the Swiss variety which is so popular with the Chocolate Junkies!

This is a terrible adiction with no known cure so they are attempting to stop young children experimenting with it and becoming Hooked on it. The Chocolate Adiction has got so bad that you'll see bumper stickers that read I'll Kill for Chocoloate so Leave Mine Alone! The worst thing about these people is that they continually try to get others adicted as well by offering them free hits of chocolate and drag them into the Criminal Underground where the illegial trading in Chocolate occures out of control. :^0

Because so many people are affected by this adiction they now have to have shops open 24/7 just to feed the adiction because if the people run out at the wrong time the Withdrawl Symptions are terible and they don't want them clogging up the Hospital Wards just to get a Free Fix. :)

Col ]:)

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Tough Love vs. Spanking

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Friday Yuk

Most of America's populace think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of "those moments."

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk. They usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

http://tinyurl.com/fgzho

Cheers everyone

Col ]:)

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