IT Employment

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friday yuk

By NZ_Justice ·
Is there some order or something to who creates these things?

Well I thought I would share these with the TR.

1. Men are like ........Laxatives ...... They irritate the **** out of you.

2. Men are like ........ Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ........ Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them..

4. Men are like ........ Blenders ..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like ....... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ....... Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like ........ Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like ........ Government Bonds ..... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ....... Mascara ...... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ....... Popcorn . ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like .......Snowstorms ............. You never know when they're coming,
how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like ........ Lava Lamps ..... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like ........ Parking Spots....... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Men strike back! ! ! ! ! !

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

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by TonytheTiger In reply to Network Administration se ...

A man sees a woman walking her dog in the park and says "My God! Where did you get that ugle thing?"

woman: "Don't talk about my dog like that!"

man: Shut up lady. I was talking TO the dog!"


Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear down to the bone.

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fogot a couple

by TonytheTiger In reply to friday yuk

Why do brides wear white?

So they'll match the other appliances.

What did God say after Eve went swimming for the first time?

"I don't know how I'm going to get that smell out of the fish."

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$100 *****

by Oz_Media In reply to friday yuk

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda says "Where in the **** have you been?" Larry replies, " I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?"she frowned, "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my *****," he said proudly.
"What the **** were you thinking?" she said shaking her head indisdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get an hundred dollar bill tattooed on his *****?"

"Well, one I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and **** a hundred bucks anytime you want."

Larry is recovering nicely at the hospital...


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Iraqi Television Shows

by maecuff In reply to friday yuk

I wonder if I'll get any death threats from this?? :)

"Mad About Everything"
"U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
"Suddenly Sanctions"
"Allah McBeal"
"Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest"
"Matima Loves Chachi"
"The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
"Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs"
"Wheel of Fortune and Terror"
"Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
"Achmed's Creek"
"The Price is Right If Saddam Says It's Right"
"Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses"
"Two Guys, a Girl, and a Mosque"
"When Kurds Attack"
"Just Shoot Me"
"My Two Baghdads"
"Captured Iranian Soldiers Say the Darndest Things"
"Totally Clothed Baywatch"

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by Old Guy In reply to Iraqi Television Shows

That is too funny. I can't stop laughing on this one. Uh-oh, maybe I better retract that. I wouldn't want to be on the death threat too. B-)

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No retractions!!!

by maecuff In reply to Mae

Besides..I don't want to die alone.

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That's right

by Old Guy In reply to No retractions!!!

We'll stand together! No backing down. Have a great weekend,Mae.

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Old Guy

by M_a_r_k In reply to That's right

Wasn't I already gunning for you in some other thread today? I can't remember which thread. They're all starting to sound alike lately.

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by Old Guy In reply to Old Guy

But I camouflage well. That's how Tennesseans do things. Remember Davy Crockett, oops, I mean Daniel Boone.? :)

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Davy Crockett

by M_a_r_k In reply to Yep.

I know about Davy Crockett. He and John Wayne got killed in the Alamo fighting for Texas independence from Mexico. Ol' Davy was a great Texan. Thank you, Tennessee.

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