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friday yuk

By NZ_Justice ·
Is there some order or something to who creates these things?

Well I thought I would share these with the TR.

1. Men are like ........Laxatives ...... They irritate the **** out of you.

2. Men are like ........ Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ........ Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them..

4. Men are like ........ Blenders ..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like ....... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ....... Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like ........ Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like ........ Government Bonds ..... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ....... Mascara ...... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ....... Popcorn . ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like .......Snowstorms ............. You never know when they're coming,
how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like ........ Lava Lamps ..... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like ........ Parking Spots....... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.


Men strike back! ! ! ! ! !

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Awwww .... Try an apple tree ...

by stargazerr In reply to Pertaining to an original ...

No inside jokes mark, I am just heeding advice ... someone once told me ... Never decide between 2 people you know ... you might end up making an enemy ....

]:)

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starrr

by M_a_r_k In reply to Pertaining to an original ...
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17 Bumper Stickers You...

by jzsdii In reply to friday yuk

Would Like To See

Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ***.

Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings,"

The proctologist called...they found your head.

Everyone has a photographic memory
...some just don't have any film.

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.

WANTE Meaningful overnight relationship.

Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.

Some people just don't know how to drive...
I call these people "Everybody But Me,"

Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends.

Don't like my driving?
Then quit watching me.

If you can read this..I can slam on my brakes and sue you.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

Hang up and drive!!

Welcome to America
...now speak English

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In answer to the question in the first line

by Deadly Ernest In reply to friday yuk

Yes - God she has a huge sense of humour.

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ernest

by jdclyde In reply to In answer to the question ...

is a sell out! Sting him up guys! We have a spy in our group here! Bet he only watched the super bowl for the food and wine! What? figure skating? GET HIM!!!

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Superbowl - what superbowl - how big is it

by Deadly Ernest In reply to ernest

and where do you get it - Coles, Woolworths, Grace Bros, Myers, Clints. How much popcorn does it hold? Is it plastic or glass?

I could do with a real superbowl. The biggest bowl I can buy requires me to make two trips to refill with popcorn while watching the footy final, or the Australian Women's National Basketball League Games - they are almost as good to watch as to referee them.

Oh well back to the football, I believe their is a very good game being broadcast tonight Manchester United against Queens Park Rangers. May even watch yesterday's Aussie Rules match of the day later on the replay.

And what is this figure skating, how do you do figures while skating, the wheels don't lend themselves to sharp turns and the cement path is hard.

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Generous Husband

by jdclyde In reply to friday yuk

Generous Husband

The wife comes home early & finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful young woman..."You unfaithful, disrespectful pig! How dare you do this to me - the faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you, I want a divorce!"

The husband, replies "Wait, Wait a minute! Before you leave, at least listen to what happened"

"Fine, but it'll be the last words you say to me you unfaithful pig!"

The husband begins to tell his story . . . "While driving home this young lady asks for a ride. I saw her so defenceless that I went ahead and allowed her in my car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She mentioned that she had not eaten for 3 days. With great compassion and hurt, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas that I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll gain weight; the poor thing, practically devours them. Since she was very dirty I asked her to take a shower.

While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw her clothes away. Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans that you have had for a few years, that you can no longer wear because they are too tight on you, I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you don't wear because I don't have good taste. I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you will not wear just to bother my sister and I also gave her the boots that you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw your co-worker wearing the same pair." The husband continues his story . . . . .

"The young woman was very grateful to me and I walked her to the door. When we got to the door she turned around and with tears coming out of her eyes, she asks me: "Sir, do you have anything else that your wife does not use?""

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