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Friday Yuk

By Bob in Calgary ·
Where is every one, I come in expecting to read the friday Yuk. Oh well Here goes.

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. For his first chapter he decided to write about American churches. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would work his way across the country from South to North. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read $10,000.00 per call. The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to Heaven and that for $10,000.00 one could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and asked a nearby nun what its purpose was? She told him that it was a direct line to Heaven and that for $10,000.00 he could talk to God.

"O.K. , thanks" said the American.

He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston New-York., N. Dakota, and Montana In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same $10,000.00 per call sign under it. Upon leaving Montana, the American saw a sign for CANADA and decided to see if Canadians had the same golden telephone. He arrived in Calgary Alberta and again there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read 25 cents per call. The American was surprised and intrigued so he asked the priest about the sign, "Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in every state the price was $10,000.00 per call.
Why is it so cheap here.?"

The priest smiled and answered: "You're in Canada now son, it's a local call."

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by jdclyde In reply to Or My Favorite

ya cought me with my mouth open on that one....

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Have you ever had a week...

by maecuff In reply to Friday Yuk

where you could use ALL of these comments, at least once?

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill them.

This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.

Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

Criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.

Chaos, panic, and disorder... My work here is done.

I feel that there is an angel inside me whom I am constantly shocking.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

There are few problems that can?t be solved with high explosives.

I can be one of those bad things that happens to bad people.

If I'd shot you sooner, I'd be out of jail by now.

Some people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them.

When all you have is an axe, every problem seems like hours of fun.

Some people say 'if you can't beat them, join them'. I say 'If you can't beat them, beat them', because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

When life hands you lemons, squeeze them between your bitter fingers and throw them at the wall.

If you can read this, you are in range.

My goal in life is to hurt you, severely, come here.

No, I'm not feeling violent, I'm feeling creative with weapons.

I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

If at first you don't succeed....go back and reload the gun.

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by Jaqui In reply to Have you ever had a week. ...

every week.
these are my words to live by list.

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I really

by maecuff In reply to ~lol~

Like the one about the axe. I wish I had a axe. or even a small hatchet. Although, I'm pretty sure that would violate our weapons policy here at work..

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Not to mention the fact

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to I really

That you would need many changes of cloths or they would start running away as you approached as they would know what was coming. :^O

Blood Splatters are a mongrel to remove quickly.

Col ]:)

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Not a weapon

by jdclyde In reply to I really

An axe is a TOOL, not a weapon.

Now go use your tool and get to work......

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I had it all wrong..

by maecuff In reply to Not a weapon

I thought an axe was a weapon that you use on tools.

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Mae while it can be construed that way

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to I had it all wrong..

An Axe is really a Tool and in most buildings you can still find a "Fire Axe" that is quite useful when required.

You can use then to cut down doors to get out of burning buildings when the fire extinguishers have run out and use them on the end users when the CO2 Extinguishers have run out as well with a bit of luck the CO2 will have frozen them so that they shatter when hit with the Fire Axe.

Col ]:)

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one way of looking at it

by jdclyde In reply to I had it all wrong..

but even a tool can be used to "fix" another tool.

Modifications and alterations are often needed.

Now go forth and alter!

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Now that's what I'm talking about..

by maecuff In reply to one way of looking at it

Next time an email goes unanswered or a request gets pushed aside because I lack the, ummmm...proper equipment, I'm gonna even the playing field..

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