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Friday Yuk

By Oz_Media ·
Well yet another week has come to an end, a quick one this time. Well, at least we can spend the weekends at home.

IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON... you get three meals a day.
AT WORK... you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON... you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK... you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON... the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK... you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON... you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK... you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON... you get your own toilet.
AT WORK... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON... all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
AT WORK... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON... you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK... you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON... you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK... they are called managers.

So why is it, again, that we work?

Have an excellent weekend everyone! :)

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I will never understand why anyone has kids

by maecuff In reply to Well they did offer me a ...

They're cute and all when they are little, but damn, after that, they go around making bad decisions, almost dying and everything in between. It's no wonder I spend so much money getting my hair dyed..

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Well we both keep saying

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to I will never understand w ...

If we knew then what we know now! There would never have been any kids and we would have a lot more play toys as well.

They are just too Expensive and Time Sapping to really be worth the effort. I really think that having kids is a sign of insanity and should be treated as such. :^O

Recently over here one comic came out with one of the Pollies being inundated with kids and said "Well you paid us to have them {In a Baby Bonus} and we don't like them so we are returning them to you for a refund!" The way it was portrayed was very funny particularly after the Polly in question had been boasting that he was responsible for so many children being born. He was claiming that he was responsible for something like 100,000 new babies. :)

Col ]:)

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Back to the gutter....

by gadgetgirl In reply to Friday Yuk

(yeah, it's me again!)

An elderly woman returns home to find her husband in bed with a young girls. Enraged, she flings him out of the window and watches him plummet to his death.

At her trial, she pleads not guilty to murder. "How can you plead not guilty?" asks the prosecuting lawyer.

The wife replies " I didn't know he was going to die. I reckoned if he could still commit adultery at the age of 98, there was a good chance he could fly, too"


Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time....


A man's ultimate embarrassment - walking into a wall with an erection and hurting his nose.......

Have a wonderful weekend, all!

GG

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What A Guy Doesn't want to hear:

by Dr Dij In reply to Back to the gutter....

We were at Fry's picking up a DIMM memory module. You order it like a drive thru on one aisle and they actually give it to you at the checkout when you've paid for it.

I put it on my card, rang up $70. My gal friend looks at it and says "Somehow I thought it would be bigger!" The cashier was cracking up, and I had to explain to her, "Sweetie, that is not something a guy wants to hear!"

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or the other alternative

by gadgetgirl In reply to What A Guy Doesn't want t ...

to what a guy really doesn't want to hear...

"...is it in yet?"



GG ]:)

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Proper response to that is...

by DMambo In reply to or the other alternative

"In, out and finished. And that's good enough for me. Any beer downstairs??"

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I read that about five minutes ago....

by gadgetgirl In reply to Proper response to that i ...

and have only just finished crying with laughter! Having a real giggly afternoon anyway, and you just made it infinitly worse!

Thank You!

GG

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Just for shock value

by jdclyde In reply to Proper response to that i ...

Back when I was a shop rat, this young pup was bragging that when he does it with his girlfriend they go for two or three hours.

I calmly looked at him and said "Yeah, before I learned how it used to take that long. Now it is five minutes tops, and if she isn't down there are batteries in the top drawer!"

Oh the look on his face was just priceless! :^O

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What a woman doesn't want to say

by jdclyde In reply to or the other alternative

Thats not IT!

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I have never seen

by jdclyde In reply to Back to the gutter....

a wall that has an erection. And if I EVER DO see one, let me tell you I have NO intention of walking into it.

Now if a WOMAN walks into it, she might get poked!

Think about that one!

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