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Friday Yuk

By Oz_Media ·
Women are like Slinkies.

Women are like Slinkies
.
.
.
.
They're not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
What did one sperm say to the other?

- "Last one there gets a rotten egg!"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Hilarious Ways To Have Fun At Work

Social and Behavioral Studies

Start rumors,

Examples:

company relocating, new boss, random drug testing, phone bugging, compulsory personality testing, new compulsory exercise policy, etc.

See how far the rumors escalate.

Getting away without doing any work

Sneaky naps - for people with their own offices without windows. Spill paper clips, pencils or staples on the floor about 6 feet from the door to your office. Lie down and go to sleep with your feet against the closed door and your hand in the pile of paper clips. When someone pushed the door open, quickly get up on your knees, and you have the perfect excuse for being on the floor!


Prank

Find a small cardboard box and remove the bottom. Place it on your chosen victim's desk with the bottomless side down on the desk. Fill the box with hole-punch waste, seal the box lid and adress it to the victim. When the victim gets to their desk, they will automatically pick up the box and create their own little blizzard!

Social and Behavioral Studies

Go up to Frank, when he's talking with Dave, and a group of others, and say "Hey Frank, do your impression of Dave!" When Frank protests that he doesn't do an impression of Dave, you say "Don't be modest, you had the whole room in fits yesterday". The leave.

(That one I've done :) )

Prank

Put Deep Heat muscle rub on all toilet seats.

Have a great weekend, y'all! B-)

The prank reminds me of grade 6. A couple of us stayed in class during recess and swapped the entire classroom backwards, all desks, teachers desk etc. Then we took the goldfish and flipped his bowl upside down with a piece of glass on top, put it on his desk and slipped the glass out from under it.

Yeah, I ws nice ONCE, when I was really little.

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???

by jdclyde In reply to Grow your own

who grow what of their own?

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Male bash

by Oz_Media In reply to ???

Women complain men don't do anything. Well it's not MY fault they are a woman and feels compelled to constantly GET STUFF DONE, while we watch the game or have a beer (as if that's not getting stuff done!)

If you were born as a woman, hey...them's the brakes, either grow one of your own or get an operation, so YOU TOO will be completely happy to do f-all.

Don't complain to me that you were born the wrong sex and I got lucky, do something about it or go do the dishes, which ever floats your boat, just leave me out of it. :)

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Even when I do "nothing"

by jdclyde In reply to Male bash

because "nothing" is something, I am always doing something!

Hmmm, it amazes me that you don't have that one special person there to cater to your every wish. Who could anyone refuse when you lay on the sweet talk like that? What is that? A nice new clock on the stove? Oh, you shouldn't have!

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Had to be nice and give equal time

by jdclyde In reply to Wouldn't THAT be nice...

I can be really mean to everyone and not get accused of discrimination as long as I treat everyone equally as bad!

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Well as I'm not allowed in the Kitchen

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Wouldn't THAT be nice...

Or to use household appliances "She Who Must Be Obeyed" must be missing out badly. :)

When we where first married I dropped a few plates and broke them ever since I've never been allowed in the kitchen to do anything. Well there was a brief period of time for about 3 days when "She Who Must Be Obeyed" was away at work and the kids complained to her that I would only heat up some pies for them and then feed them chocolate so that very quickly came to an end as well I'm not even allowed to go shopping with her either. Life is so hard.

Col ]:)

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My heart bleeds for you

by jdclyde In reply to Well as I'm not allowed i ...

well, maybe not.

You pampered little puppy!

Does she bring you your pipe and slippers too? :)

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No but since the car collision

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to My heart bleeds for you

She's been known to throw my dinner in my lap.

She insists that I'm not allowed in the kitchen and then after 3 failed Carpel Tunnel operations she has been known to just drop things as she looses the control of the muscles in her hand so I've worn my fair share of meals. :)

But the best one happened last week she made herself a coffee and was walking out of the kitchen when the handle broke and there she was standing with half a handle in her hand and the remainder on the floor the mug didn't even break but the look on her face was priceless.

She does bring me my Ugg Boots though and insists that I wear the silly things as I have a spinal injury I can not feel my feet so I don't know if they are cold or not so instead of allowing me into the bed and then finding out that I have ice cold feet she has worked out that it is easier for her to make me wear the bloody things. But they do have one advantage when I'm wearing them I can kick things and not remove skin and start bleeding all over the place generally speaking unless it is a hard hit I just don't feel it and don't notice all the blood flowing. I do offer to clean the mess up when I'm told but she seems to think that I'll make more of a mess than what it is that I clean up so I'm not allowed to do that either. :)

I'm still in the process of training her to behave properly and do as I want. I've long since given up on telling her what to do and just live with what I'm given but I'm trying to be nice and considerate and when ever I act this way her first reaction is "What Have You Done Wrong Now!"

But she insists on making me fill her car with petrol and whatever else it needs and she steals my car whenever she feels like it particularly if she knows that I want to take one particular car to something you can practically guarantee that it will just not be there no matter how many cars she has to move to get it out. So when I eventually finish off the VW I think I'll say don't touch the Beetle will you dear I need to take it down to such and such to do something. She'll of course take it and hopefully move the 4 Mercedes Motors that are behind it for me. :)

Col ]:)

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funny.

by ITgirli In reply to Female Fantasy

At my grandmothers house for Easter, my aunt comes into the living room where we are all watching TV and asks if either my cousin Crystal or myself wants a cookbook. Crystal says "Oh! I'd love a cookbook!" then to me she says, "you don't mind if I have it do you?" I looked at the poor girl and said, "It's all yours. One day I hope to find a man who'll do all the cooking for me."
In my family women are supposed to do everythign for the men folk, so I'm looked at as a bit odd when I'm hanging out drinking with the men folk and they are all in the kitchen cooking or watching all the kids. HA HA! It pays to be different.

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Membership does have it's privilages!

by jdclyde In reply to funny.

Welcome to the independent thinkers club!

Wait a minute. I LIKE to do the cooking and have for years!

Nice to be able to survive without needing a can opener for every meal.

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what amazes me is...

by jck In reply to Membership does have it's ...

nowadays...the number of women who can't cook anything other than Mac and Cheese or microwave dinners.

I can cook better than most of the women I know...I just won't cook that way unless I have company...when it's just me alone, some soup or popcorn or beef jerky is adequate.

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