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friday yuk

By j.lupo ·
I thought I might beat OZ with this one. I found it amusing. It at least put a smile on my face and thought I would share at the end of a long week. :)
________________________________
Subject: Try saying . . .

I just received this memo from management. Please do your best to
comply.

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course

of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily
offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do,
however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately
express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have
been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can
continue in an effective manner.


1) TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

2) TRY SAYING:
She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF:
She's a ball-busting b__ch.

3) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No f______ way.

5) TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You've got to be sh__ing me!

6) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my f______ problem.

TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This sh__ won't work.

10) TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the h_! __ didn't you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He's got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
F___ it, I'm on salary.

15) TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the h___ died and made you boss?

18 ) TRY SAYING:
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He's a pr_ck.

Thank You,
Human Resources

This conversation is currently closed to new comments.

85 total posts (Page 4 of 9)   Prev   02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06   Next
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Who's gift would that have been?

by jdclyde In reply to what's up with you???

his or yours?

At least he didn't give you a bowling ball named "homer".

And no, I never learn. Never said I was bright...

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funny you should say that..

by maecuff In reply to Who's gift would that hav ...

My bowling ball DOES say Homer. But I got that for myself. And yes, the gift was for him. Yet another reason why he's my ex. Within two months of our divorce, he married a blonde woman with big boobs. I hope the four of them are very happy together..

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There is not a guy here who can understand either.

by sleepin'dawg In reply to what's up with you???
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Well..

by maecuff In reply to There is not a guy here w ...

I'm glad my husband finds me incredibly hot just as I am. At least that's the story he tells me.

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Yeah we are a bunch of lying SOBs. Don't you just love us for that.

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Well..
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You can't say SOB!

by jdclyde In reply to Yeah we are a bunch of ly ...

on the weekend of Mothers Day!

Where is your respect?

Give it another try with something that is nicer to my mom!

Bad dawg! Bad dawg!
(newspaper across the nose for that one!)

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how about you...

by anykey??? In reply to Yeah we are a bunch of ly ...

TRY SAYING
We are dirty rotten scoundrels.
INSTEAD OF
We are all a bunch of lying SOBs.

out of respect for dear old mom

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What did you say when your Mom called you a dirty little ba$tard as a kid??

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Yeah we are a bunch of ly ...

After all who would know better??? :^O My Mom would always blush when I told her that and say, "Well you know what I mean." To which I would usually reply, "No. What do you mean???" This usually set her to blushing and laughing and got me out of more trouble than I care to admit to. If my Dad was around and my 'trouble had really angered her, he'd help me out by saying something like, "I'd be interested in hearing that answer too." I lost my Mom last year at age 93 and there still isn't a day when I don't think of either my Mom or my Dad. Mother's Day and Father's Day are the two days I'm sure to be visiting the cemetary. I was lucky. I was blessed with two of the greatest people a kid could have had for parents. The first time I ever used SOB when I was a kid I didn't know what it meant and when my Dad drew me aside and explained, I burst into tears and ran and told my Mom I was sorry. She had no idea what I was talking about but forgave me anyway. Afterwards when my Dad told her she laughed and somehow it became a sort of running gag in our family; both the SOB and ba$tard gags. Sorry if I offended anyone but maybe you'll all understand a bit better now and no, I won't retract it. I was an only child but I was never ever condescended to as a child but treated as an equal, though junior, partner. My Dad had an expression which he'd use when he thought my Mom wasn't around, "Son, f@#% 'em all if they can't take a joke." and though she would never have put it that way, was pretty much my Mom's attitude as well. It's ingrained in me and I'm not about to change for anyone. Doing so would dishonour myself and my memories of my parents. So I'm sorry if you were offended but there was no offense intended; just a tiny memory of a childhood surrounded by love and filled with lots of laughter and now only the memories of two of the best friends a guy could possibly have had.

Dawg :)

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No offense taken

by jdclyde In reply to Yeah we are a bunch of ly ...

Was just holding your feet to the flames, that is all.

All in good fun.

Sorry about the parents, they really can make a big impact on your life can't they? Cancer got dad 20 years ago so got a bit of feel for what it is like.

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Mae that would just have proved a theory

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to what's up with you???

That Blonds brains shrink and move to their boobs.

Now why didn't you want to play along? :)

Was it that you thought you would have far too many brains to be a blond?

Or could it have been that you where worried that if you fell forward you wouldn't hit your face on the ground? :)

I know you didn't want to have to buy all new cloths again did you? No that couldn't be the reason a woman not wanting to go shopping is an impossibility.

Col ]:)

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