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Friday Yuk

By Oz_Media ·
Well HAPPY FRIDAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!! EVERYONE!!
(Don't know wht I'm so damn excited about it's not like I actually DO anything afterall) :)

So without further adieu;

The Top 5 Rejected Barnum & Bailey Circus Acts

5. Ten Drunk Clowns and One Mighty Frightened Monkey!
4. Mrs. Irma Morgan and Doll-Baby, Her Amazing Trained Pekingese
3. The Royal Lipizzaner Cattle
2. Jim Bob and the All-Nude Barnyard Revue

And the number one Rejected Barnum & Bailey Circus Act....
1. Tom, the Man Who Burns to Death (today only)



Now go get have a drink, damn you all! MUWAHAHAHAHA ]:)

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Or how about this one it involves Jesus, God and Satan

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to OK OZ try this one on for ...

Satan went to God complaining of the way he was treated by everyone. He said I?m as good as Jesus and I can do as much as him but everyone keeps putting me down and spits on me and my name whenever it?s mentioned. I do not think this is fair and I think we should have a competition to see who the better of the two of us is!

God thinks for a moment and agrees so God arranges the competition.

When Satan & Jesus enter the examination area they are faced with two brand new computers and told to do the books and all the rest to promote heaven to be used as a promotional show to get more followers. Then told you have one hour to finish and the winner will be declared as my son for the next 2 Million Years.

The both start typing furiously and Satan has all the programs open at once and is constantly switching between applications when the computer needs to process different things. Instead of doing like Jesus who is doing one thing at a time.

Well everything goes quite well and Satan is miles in front when 2 minutes before the end of the competition a dark cloud passes overhead, there is a loud clap of thunder and the power goes out. 30 seconds latter the power comes back on and both reboot their computers Satan to his horror finds that he has lost all of his work but Jesus just continues from where he left off.

Satan jumps up and down complaining that the test has been rigged and the whole thing was unfair.

God?s response to Satan is ?Jesus Saves!?

Col ]:)

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OOOOh migawd(s). Here I was thinking I was the only surviving druid

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Or how about this one it ...

ROTFLMAO Both are hilarious. I can't wait for the next JW or Seventh Day Adventist to show up so I can try that one out. I'd heard the begining before but your refinement to the ending just blows me away. Absolutely effing hilarious!!!!

Dawg ]:) :^O

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hissss

by Jaqui In reply to Or how about this one it ...

turning the yuck into a good work habits posting.
shame on you.

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I'm sorry Jaqui

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Or how about this one it ...

I'll go say my 200,000 Hail Marys and no wait a minute I'll try to drink 200,000 Bloody Marys instead and just forget what you've said.

Col ]:)

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Normally, I would apologize.....

by cp7212 In reply to I didn't like it

....but I've heard so much crap about the evils of America, that I actually feel good about posting the joke. Thanks for the reinforcement, Hal.

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Apologize?

by Oz_Media In reply to Normally, I would apologi ...

NEVER EVER apologize for having a sense of humour!

It's just really too bad so many other people don't have a good sense of humour, or even worse still, a SELECTIVE sense of humour as to what is funny and what isn't. Some people will laugh at one minority whil edefending another, will crack one religious joke while taking offense to another, selective humour isn't humour. Finding a way to take everything as a joke worth a giggle IS having a sense of humour.

You realize I expect a good turnout from you on this Friday's Yuk now.

I've already picked my Friday Yuk for this week, I didn't want to double post last week.

EDIT: Now that I read the title of my post, I can't get Kevin Bloody Wilson out of my head, perhaps Colin will appreciate it, being an Aussie and all.

"Apologize, apologize....APOLOGIZE to WHO?

Just call us up and ask for operator 42."

From the " Stick that f'in phone up your f'n a** " song

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What's a "Kevin Bloody Wilson?"

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Apologize?

Never heard of such a thing must be something to do with some off the wall American Humor.

Not Bloody Likely he's good isn't he?

Col ]:)

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KBW

by Oz_Media In reply to Apologize?

Absolutely side splitting humour. Man can that guy get me laughing HARD! I have had friends who pick up on a bit every now and then and just start howling, but unless they listen to him much they miss most of it because of the Aussie slang and the Yobbo accent.

Myself, I bow to him. TO top it all off, he's got a really good band too, not just a joke, those guys REALLY play a lot of different styles!

Another fav from him is of course Hey Santa Claus, I love the Last Lager Waltz, Stick that Phone and I've learned to Breath Through My Ears. (forget the actual title of that one) "I've got a tongue that's 10" long, and I've learned to breath through my ears"

Then there's DO You F*** On First Dates, which is a rib tickler too, actually I like pretty much all of his stuff now that I think of it.

Ahhh, good old Yobbo strikes again!

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ROTFL

by BFilmFan In reply to Friday Yuk

Too damned funny! I actually have a friend that graduated clown school at Barnum and Bailey's.

And just as an additional thought, have you ever heard Royal Crown Revue's "The Rise And Fall Of The Great Mondello?"

It features the memorable lyrics, set to gangster swing bop:

"This cat was flying through with
The greatest of ease
All of a sudden he missed the trapeze
Down and down, down and down
Kersplatty on the ground"

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Yuk

by Guru Of D0S In reply to Friday Yuk

As usual Oz old buddy, it sounds like you made the most of St. Patrick's Day!!

A guy is visiting the circus, and needs to answer the call of nature. He finds his way to the gents, and the only available 'standing room' is in between two dwarves.

Taking aim, he proceeds to relieve himself, and notices that the dwarf to his left looks like he's having a fit.

"Are you ok?" he asks.

"Oh yes....it's just that I'm the Human Cannonball and several years of being fired out of a cannon twice a night has left me with a nasty muscle spasm in my neck."

"Oh wow! Thats a bit nasty, isn't it?"

"Ah, you get used to it", replied the dwarf.

The guy turns his attention back to the job in hand, and notices that the dwarf to his right is also shaking his head.

"Don't tell me!", he asks the dwarf, "You're a human cannonball too?"

"Nope!", the dwarf replies. "It's just that every time you talk to Fred, you're p***ing in my ear!"

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