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Friday Yuk

By Oz_Media ·
Well HAPPY FRIDAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!! EVERYONE!!
(Don't know wht I'm so damn excited about it's not like I actually DO anything afterall) :)

So without further adieu;

The Top 5 Rejected Barnum & Bailey Circus Acts

5. Ten Drunk Clowns and One Mighty Frightened Monkey!
4. Mrs. Irma Morgan and Doll-Baby, Her Amazing Trained Pekingese
3. The Royal Lipizzaner Cattle
2. Jim Bob and the All-Nude Barnyard Revue

And the number one Rejected Barnum & Bailey Circus Act....
1. Tom, the Man Who Burns to Death (today only)



Now go get have a drink, damn you all! MUWAHAHAHAHA ]:)

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Backup trauma. Nasty little video for IT managers.

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Friday Yuk
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Of course I did

by BHunsinger In reply to Backup trauma. Nasty litt ...

push the button

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Well with John Cleese

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Of course I did

What else could you do? :)

Like all of his training films that is another great example of just how funny he actually is. Now if only someone would get him to do a MS Office video on how not to use the various Applications in office we would have far fewer problems. A place like LearnKey would be brilliant for him. I can just see him now telling you what not to do with a pivot table or a mail merge.

Col ]:)

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ALRIGHT DAWG!!!!

by Oz_Media In reply to Backup trauma. Nasty litt ...

Now THAT was a good Friday Yuk! John Cleese in the morning, now THAT was fun! I especially liked the Clockwork Orange ending, and YES I pressed the Third Button!

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Glad you enjoyed it.

by sleepin'dawg In reply to ALRIGHT DAWG!!!!

The miniature BSOD was the frosting on the cake.

Dawg ]:)

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ROTFL

by BFilmFan In reply to Backup trauma. Nasty litt ...

That should be the required first step for anyone asking a question on how to recover hard disks in the technical foums!

TFF!

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One Smart Dog

by Jaqui In reply to Friday Yuk

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are.

The first man was an engineer, the second was an accountant, the third a chemist, and the fourth was a government worker.

To show off, the engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to the desk, took out some paper and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.

But the chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop! Everyone agreed that was good.

Then the three men turned to the government worker, and said, "What can your dog do?"

The government worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, "do your stuff." Coffee Break slowly got on his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for workers' compensation, and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave

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Arrogance in action!!

by Jaqui In reply to Friday Yuk

This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995

**** Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations****

10-10-95.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

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WARNING! PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY! THIS IS SERIOUS!

by Jaqui In reply to Friday Yuk

If you get an envelope from a company called the Internal Revenue Service," DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money, which they will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the United States government. This is untrue! The money the IRS collects is used to fund various other corporations which depend on subsidies to stay in business.

This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the Social Security Administration, who claim to take money from your regular paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA uses the money to pay for the same misguided corporate welfare the IRS helps mastermind.

These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working Americans out of billions of dollars. Don't be among them!

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VIRUSES

by Jaqui In reply to Friday Yuk

Ellen Degeneres virus Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.
Monica Lewinsky virus Sucks all the memory out of your computer.
Titanic virus Makes your whole computer go down.
Disney virus Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
Mike Tyson virus Quits after one byte.
Prozac virus Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
Sharon Stone virus Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there.
Lorena Bobbit virus Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.
Tim Allen virus Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.
Woody Allen virus Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.
Saddam Hussein virus Won't let you into any of your programs.
Tonya Harding virus Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.
George Michaels virus Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup.
Joey Buttafuoco virus Only attacks minor files
X-files virus All your Icons start shapeshifting.
Spice Girl virus Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.
Ronald Reagan virus Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.
Sony Bono virus Just when you get surfing the web, a firewall appears out of nowhere.
Martha Stewart virus Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop.
Oprah Winfrey virus Your 200GB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80GB, and then slowly expands to 300GB.
AT&T virus Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI virus Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're >paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
Viagra virus Expands your hard drive while putting too much pressure on your zip drive.

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