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Friday Yuk

By Oz_Media ·
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!"

"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"

"I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"

]:)

Have a good weekend all!

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Can you believe I am not ALLOWED to mow the lawn?

by jdclyde In reply to Are you SERIOUS?

Very similar to your experiences, it seems I mow the lawn "wrong". Lord only knows if it is cut to an even length of desire, how it can be wrong but who am I to complain?

My wife isn't allowed in MY kitchen because I like food that tastes GOOD. (also, if you are the cook you know it is done when you want and how you want.)

Like the saying goes.

If you **** the wife off she will ***** at you.
If you REALLY **** her off she will give you the silent treatment.
Isn't it worth that little extra effort?

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Ouch...that hurt...

by TomSal In reply to Top Ten Things Men Unders ...



(I wish it wasn't true...lol)

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Good One..

by maecuff In reply to Friday Yuk

Although, my name isn't Joanna, and my dearly departed husband's name wasn't John...


A Horoscope For The Workplace

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy, and what you watch on TV. Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out...
MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing, which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree," you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with "customers" so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying, but who the **** can tell?! It is written that the geeks shall inherit the Earth.
ENGINEERING: One of only two signs that actually studied in school, it is said that ninety percent of all personal ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself: your office is typically full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel"...
ACCOUNTING: The only other sign that studied in school, you are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.
HUMAN RESOURCES: Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch, and mail a letter!
MIDDLE MANAGEMENT/DEPARTMENT MANAGEMENT/"TEAM LEADS": Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers," as everyone in your social circle is a "Middle Manager."
SENIOR MANAGEMENT: Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Senior Managers," as everyone in your social circle is a "Senior Manager."
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As a child very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your boss.

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Hilarious!

by Salamander In reply to Good One..

I am laughing myself silly. It's true! All of it!

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So what are you saying?

by Oz_Media In reply to Hilarious!

You got promoted from customer service?

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Well

by Salamander In reply to So what are you saying?

I do keep sporks in my desk for when I finally do decide to snap. With enough sporks, you can kill just about anything.

I typically get promoted by bumping off people higher up the food chain. Shows initiative and a "can-do" attitude.

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So what you are saying is

by jdclyde In reply to Well
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I do use

by Salamander In reply to So what you are saying is

That phrase occasionally, along with "Get sporked."

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Fear of God

by Oz_Media In reply to I do use

I always found instilling the fear of God upon people will usually get them to comply and step aside.

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That can work

by Salamander In reply to I do use

As a management technique.
But I prefer my sporks.

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