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Friday Yuk

By Shellbot ·
Tags: Off Topic
Right..whens the last time we had a Yuk?? Get with it people

The Italian Firefighters.................

One dark night in the small town of Garfield , NJ, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them.

Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Lodi , NJ volunteer fire department composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65.

To everyone 's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed the fire engines parked outside the plant and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the Lodi old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.

The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.

A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Italian fire chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Wella," said Chief Pasquale De Luccinellavanti, the 70-year-old fire chief, "de fursta tinga we gonnna do isza fixa de brakes on dat fockinna truck!

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What if ...

by dwdino In reply to ah man..

... you turn on the shower?

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Resort to the hand towel

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to So...

it'll be 20 years before you laid again, if you're lucky.

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Oh I've done that...

by Slayer_ In reply to only a -2??

Often actually.

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by jck In reply to only a -2??


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Ever wonder.....

by heml0ck In reply to Friday Yuk


Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara
with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline
'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what
they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with
artificial flavor, and dish washing
liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all
your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the
slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored
cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle
for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black
box that is used on airplanes? Why
don't they make the whole plane out
of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments
when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is
Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call
the airport the terminal?

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by Shellbot In reply to Ever wonder.....

I always wonder why there isn't mouse flavoured cat food!???

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by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Ever wonder.....
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by TonytheTiger In reply to Ever wonder.....

is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

do we drive on parkways and park in driveways?

are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

does someone believe you when you say there are thirty billion stars in the galaxy, but when you say a park bench has wet paint, they touch it to be sure?

isn't 'phonetically' spelled that way?

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I have a riddle!

by jck In reply to Friday Yuk

What's slow at dawn
And fast at dusk
That's parts will never
Age with rust
That chases birds
But never shoots
And never plays
With drums or flutes.

ME! Cause I'm leavin work quick, never rush to get here, I don't rust, I chase birds (fine UK people got that one...hehe), and I play brass, stringed, and keyboard instruments.

Happy Friday. I'm gettin up outta this BEOOOOOOTCCCCHHHHHH!!!

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Stuttering Cat Story

by critch In reply to Friday Yuk

Stuttering Cat Story

.Definitely a Dog Lovers story???..

Teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.

?Human beings are the only animals that stutter,? she says.

A little girl raises her hand. ?I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.?

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'

'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.

'It sure was,' said the little girl.

'My kitty raised her back, went "Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF," but before she could say 'Frock Off!,' the Rottweiler ate her!

The teacher had to leave the room.

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