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Friday Yuk

By sleepin'dawg ·
Tags: Off Topic
Crazy Mike walks into the pharmacy and says to the pharmacist,
"Look, I've got three girls coming over tonight. I've never had
three girls at once, so what have you got to keep me horny and
potent all night?"

The pharmacist reaches down, unlocks a bottom drawer and brings
up a box labeled 'Viagra Extra Strength' containing single
wrapped packets. He says, "Take one of these and you'll go crazy
for 12 hours."

Crazy Mike replies, "****, gimme three"

The next day Mike returns to the same pharmacist, who smiles and
asks,

"Well, how'd it go?"

In answer, Mike pulls down his pants, to display his ***** that's
black and blue and blistered, one of the sorriest sights the
pharmacist had ever seen.

Crazy Mike says, "Gimme a tube of Ben Gay."

The pharmacist replies in horror. "You're not going to put Ben
Gay on that are you?"

Mike replies, "****, no, it's for my arm. The girls didn't show
up."

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Geez James!!! Rain on the parade; why don't you?? :^0 <NT>

by sleepin'dawg In reply to I love how they word them ...
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Ice cream

by TonytheTiger In reply to Friday Yuk

A woman walks into an ice cream parlor and the man behind the counter asks if he can help her.

"Yes, I'd like a gallon of chocolate, a gallon of vanilla and a gallon of strawberry."

"Maam, we're all out of chocolate, but I have all the vanilla and strawberry you need."

"Okay, then, I'd like a half gallon of chocolate, a half gallon of vanilla and a half gallon of strawberry."

The clerk replies, "Maam, did you not hear me clearly? I am out of chocolate, but I have plenty of vanilla and plenty of strawberry."

"Okay, then, I'd like a quart of chocolate, a quart of vanilla and a quart of strawberry."

The man is growing frustrated. "Am I not speaking loud enough? We are all out of chocolate. I have lots of vanilla and lots of strawberry to sell to you."

"Okay, then, I'd like a pint of chocolate, a pint of vanilla and a pint of strawberry."

The man, exasperated, then asks, "Would you do me a favor, maam? Spell the VAN in vanilla."

"V-A-N."

"Good! Now spell the STRAW in strawberry."

"S-T-R-A-W."

"Great! Now spell the F**K in chocolate."

"Why, there IS no f**k in chocolate."

"Thank you. I'm glad you finally understand me."

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Billy/Billie

by HimDownStairs In reply to Friday Yuk

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, Trailed by 15 kids.

"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "are they all yours?''

"Yep they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that
question a thousand times before.

She says, "Sit down Billy." All the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's' names."

"Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named Billy and the girls are all named Billie."

In disbelief, the case worker. "Are you serious? They're ALL named Billy?"

Their momma replied, 'Well, yes...it makes it easier. When it's time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Billy!' And when it's time for
dinner, I just yell 'Billy!' and they all comes a runnin. An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell Billy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Billy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the
whole bunch?"

"Then I call them by their last names."

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Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

by CaptBilly1Eye In reply to Friday Yuk

[In case you haven't caught this, yet]

Very Funny and Well Done!

Aspiring super-villain Dr. Horrible (Neil Patrick Harris) wants to join the Evil League of Evil and win the girl of his dreams, but his nemesis, Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion),...

http://www.hulu.com/watch/28343/dr-horribles-sing-along-blog

but be warned... it's over 42 minutes long and you won't want to interrupt the story.
:)

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Applying for a job

by mojodelirium In reply to Friday Yuk

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications & said, "We have an opening for people like you."
"Oh, great," the man said, "What is it?"
"It's called the door!".

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Hahaha <nt>

by Jellimonsta In reply to Applying for a job
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:^0 Thanks -- I havent seen that one before

by w2ktechman In reply to Applying for a job

short and good, all I like in a joke :^0

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engineers vs. managers

by mojodelirium In reply to Friday Yuk

A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess.

An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.

After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer, we're looking for the height and he gives us the length."

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whoopsie daisy

by mojodelirium In reply to Friday Yuk

A guy goes to a psychiatrist because he?s having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asks him a lot of questions, but can?t get a clear read on the problems. Finally he asks, ?Do you ever watch your girlfriend?s face while you?re having sex??

?Well, yes, I did once.?

?Well, how did she look??

?Oh, boy, she looked very angry!?

At this point, the psychiatrist feels he?s really getting somewhere. ?Well that?s very interesting. We must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend?s face once during sex. That seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw her face that one time??

?She was watching us through the window.?

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Whoopsie daisy, part 2

by mojodelirium In reply to Friday Yuk

There was a couple who were married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a dildont.

She gets completely upset, and screams, ?You impotent *sshat,? she screamed at him, ?how could you be lying to me all of these years. You better explain yourself!?

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly, ?I?ll explain the dildont if you can explain our three kids.?

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