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Friday Yuk

By HAL 9000 Moderator ·
Well as there doesn't appear to be one posted yet or it's got lost in the New Site Layout I thought I would add this. Hopefully I'm even logged in as Hal.

Best-ever resignation letter (allegedly) sent by a fed up US employee.

Mr Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an
intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the
commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to
explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to
stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of
precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were
apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who
watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for
the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as
binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why
people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I
am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is.

Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around
the building all day, shiftless looking for fault in others. You have a
sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your
interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on
overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring
ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae
that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of
the Dilbert principle.

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full
frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I
have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give
me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to
comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of
years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on
your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every
password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I
am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when
you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like
"Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of
yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and
kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct
your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my
desk by 8:00am tomorrow.

One word of this to anybody and all of your little twisted repugnant
obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*ck with your systems
administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.

Sincerely,
Graeme Hurd.

Col ]:)

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All Comments

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Love those, thanks. <nt>

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to More Odd Things to Ponder
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Why don't

by TonytheTiger In reply to More Odd Things to Ponder

"laughter" and "daughter" rhyme?

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Does terrific mean to make terrible?

by ozi Eagle In reply to More Odd Things to Ponder

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make
terrible?

Not a funny, but it actually does. eg aterrific explosion literally means a terrifying explosion.

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I suppose that depends on how much

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Does terrific mean to mak ...

A person likes Big Explosions doesn't it?

Speaking as a mad exploder of things when I was younger I can honestly say the bigger the Bang the better the results. :^0

I've even met someone who is crazier that I am they used a entire box of Jerry to remove a tree. The last I saw of that tree it was heading straight up then I had to duck to not get a face full of dirt and other rubbish, when I dug myself out there was no sign of the remains of that tree. :0

Col

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Sounds like

by SJMcD In reply to I suppose that depends on ...

the "Mythbusters" could learn a thing or two off you and your friend Hal.

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Viagra as a pain killer

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Friday Yuk

A man goes to an oral surgeon to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.
"No way! No needles! I hate needles!" the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects. "I can't do the gas thing - the thought
of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!"
The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection", the patient says, "I am fine with pills".
The dentist left for a moment and when he returned, says "Here is a Viagra tablet."
The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"
"It doesn't," said the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull out your tooth."

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Warm milk and viagra

by TonytheTiger In reply to Viagra as a pain killer

are often used on male patients at nursing homes... the warm milk helps them fall asleep, and the viagra keeps them from rolling out of bed!

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Those are all :^0

by seanferd In reply to Friday Yuk

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your
two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

- Tax. (Frequently, the questioner is taxing you, and many tax themselves thinking of an answer.)

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That's in the class of "Why does sour cream have an expiry date?" <NT>

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Those are all :^0

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