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Friday Yuk

By HAL 9000 Moderator ·
Well as there doesn't appear to be one posted yet or it's got lost in the New Site Layout I thought I would add this. Hopefully I'm even logged in as Hal.

Best-ever resignation letter (allegedly) sent by a fed up US employee.

Mr Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an
intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the
commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to
explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to
stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of
precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were
apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who
watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for
the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as
binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why
people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I
am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is.

Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around
the building all day, shiftless looking for fault in others. You have a
sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your
interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on
overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring
ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae
that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of
the Dilbert principle.

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full
frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I
have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give
me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to
comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of
years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on
your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every
password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I
am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when
you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like
"Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of
yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and
kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct
your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my
desk by 8:00am tomorrow.

One word of this to anybody and all of your little twisted repugnant
obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*ck with your systems
administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.

Graeme Hurd.

Col ]:)

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by maecuff In reply to She also believes...

It's NOT weird to boil sausage before you grill it.

And any woman out there (who is in my age bracket) understands the necessity of the 'snow' setting.

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Uh, yeah. Definitely. Snow.

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to okay..

and Sahara at noon. Then back to Snow. Then Sahara at noon. Then back to Snow. Then Sahara at noon. Then back to Snow. Then Sahara at noon. Then back to Snow. Then Sahara at noon. Then back to Snow. Then Sahara at noon. Then back to Snow. Then Sahara at noon. Then back to Snow. Then Sahara at noon. Then back to Snow. Then Sahara at noon.

Um... where was I?

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And just what is wrong with those beliefs???

by w2ktechman In reply to She also believes...

I have done more than 110 in a car/truck. It didnt fly apart

Pork (ribs) should be boiled before cooked. Makes for a better meal.

Thermostat on SNOW. Hmmm, I dont think I have that setting... Maybe, I need a new one :^0

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If you are only boiling water :)

by Jacky Howe In reply to Oh..and I just want to ad ...

where the bloody **** is the smoke coming from to set it off.

Are the Elements clean, I mean no grease or oil around or on them. That is the only reason that I can think of that would set it off other than its placement. IE: The Detector is too close to the stove.

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Oh, no..

by maecuff In reply to If you are only boiling w ...

Absolutely not..

the elements had sh*t all over them. Hence the smoke.

At least there were no flames.

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Well the way that I cured my mother of this is

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Oh, no..

To remove the Smoke Alarm with batteries removed and fit a Mains Powered Smoke Alarm.

I did this after the fifth time of the Fire Brigade arriving breaking into the house to put out the fire of the meat that was left cooking after she went out for the day. The mess that they left by spraying water all around and the broken windows to only discover that the stove was left on and that eventually the now dry saucepan full of meat and no water would have eventually burnt itself out and gone straight through the bottom.

My Mothers solution to this was to have a gas stove fitted and she now cooks in the dark after tripping the safety switch to stop the Smoke Alarm going off.

Then after she has finished cremating whatever she wants to totally kill she walks out to the Fuse Box resets the safety switch so that her Electric Blanket will have the bed warm for her when she gets in. And what is worse is that SWMBO is now taking lessons from her on how to cremate food before serving it.

OH I almost forgot because the Kitchen window was constantly getting broken she also had Security Screens the type that roll down to cover the entire window fitted to that side of the house. So now instead of just breaking a bit of glass that is easily repaired they now have to demolish half the house to gain entry. :8}

I've now given the Local Fire Brigade a Key as it's far cheaper for me.

Col ]:)

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Try to think positive. SWMBO and your Mom must.......

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Well the way that I cured ...

think you are a God; hence all those burnt offerings.

Dawg ]:)

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Tell your Mother

by Jacky Howe In reply to Oh, no..

to burn the Sh!t off more often then. That way it won't build up and cause a fire.

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billowing smoke

by w2ktechman In reply to If you are only boiling w ...

can only come from an unclean stove, or items starting to burn that were too close...

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And Mae

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Oh..and I just want to ad ...

The Blond Shelia on the keyboard is playing that just like I type.

Col ]:)

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