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Friday Yuk:

By lindamarie ·
Tags: Off Topic
I am starting the Friday Yuk off with a word from the US President about Earth Day.

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Keep Earth Clean

by Bizzo In reply to Friday Yuk:

Saw this on a festival wristband a couple of years ago:

"Keep Earth Clean, It's Not Uranus"

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Planet name change

by Dr Dij In reply to Keep Earth Clean

In the year 3000, on a Futurama episode where the professor is using his 'smelloscope' to scan the heavens, we find out that the planet Uranus had its name changed, to avoid that very joke.

It is now called "Urectum"

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on that note:

by Jaqui In reply to Friday Yuk:

Ban the Infernal Combustion Engine!
it is causing our children to have asthma and allergies from birth with the poisons it spews into the atmosphere.

forget the "climate change" issues, look at how the toxins have caused a huge increase in sick children, and clean up your act to save the children.

edit to add:

I know, not funny. some medical studies have made that claim though, more than most want to believe.

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Things to do during a dull meeting

by Bizzo In reply to Friday Yuk:

1 - Discreetly clasp hold of someone's hand and whisper: 'can you feel it?' from the corner of your mouth
2 - Draw enormous genitalia on your notepad and discreetly show it to the person next to you for their approval
3 - When refreshments are presented, immediately distribute half a biscuit to each of the attendees.
4 - Wear a hands free phone headset throughout. once in a while drift off into an unrelated conversation, such as: 'I don't care if there are no dwarfs, just get the show done!'
5 - Write the words 'he fancies you' on your pad and show it to the person next to you while indicating with your pen
6 - Respond to a serious question with: 'I don't know what to say, obviously I'm flattered, but it's all happened so fast'
7 - Use Nam style jargon such as 'what's the ETA?', 'who's on recon?' & 'Charlie don't surf'
8 - Reconstruct the meeting in front of you using action figures and when anyone moves re-arrange the figures accordingly
9 - Draw a chalk circle around one of the chairs then avoid sitting onit when the meeting starts. When someone does eventually sit in it, cover your mouth and gasp
10 - Turn your back on the meeting and sit facing the window with your legs stretched out. Announce that you 'love this dirty town'
11 - Walk directly up to a colleague and stand nose to nose with him for 1 minute
12 - Mount the desk and walk along its length before taking your seat
13 - Reflect sunlight into everyones eyes off your watch face
14 - Repeat every idea they express in a baby voice while moving your hand like a chattering mouth
15 - Hum 'We'll meet again' throughout
16 - Bend momentarily under the table then emerge wearing contact lenses that white out your eyes
17 - Drop meaningless & confusing management speak into conversations such
as:'what's the margin, marvin?'
'When's this turkey going to get basted?'
'If we don't get this brook babbling we're all going to end up looking like doe-eyed labradors'
18 - Use a large hunting knife to point at your visual aids
19 - Announce that you've run off some copies of the meeting agenda.
Then hand out pieces of paper that read: My secret agenda
.1. Trample the weak
.2. Triumph alone
.3. Invade Poland.
20 - Attempt to hypnotise the entire room using a pocket watch
21 - When referring to someone in the room always call them your 'homey'
22 - Leave long pauses in your speech at random moments. When someone is prompted to interject shout 'I AM NOT FINISHED'

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I had a trophy wife

by jdclyde In reply to Friday Yuk:

last place.

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well, in my case

by critch In reply to I had a trophy wife

I say that my first kid was born with a broken arm.... from trying to hang on until after the wedding...

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My ex inspired me to go far,

by Locrian_Lyric In reply to I had a trophy wife

and the more I thought about her, the farther I went.

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"I am so miserable right now

by jdclyde In reply to My ex inspired me to go f ...

it is as if you were here right now"

I used to tell the ex to watch it, because she was still under warranty. B-)

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"How can I miss you

by jdclyde In reply to "I am so miserable right ...

if you won't go away?"

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You were meant for me!

by Bubba69 In reply to "How can I miss you

(Perhaps as punishment)

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