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Friday Yuk

By Shellbot ·
Tags: Off Topic
What the heck guys..there was a time when the friday yuk was posted on thursday by some upstart Aussie trying to beat everyone to it....and now, its lunch in Ireland..and I've no yuk to read.

Tis a sad day indeed...

I'll post a couple in a few minutes....

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Sacrifice

by GSG In reply to Best of luck to you, too.

I have some rabbits in the back yard that I need to get rid of. Maybe if I perform a sacrifice, burn some incense, sprinkle some holy water, and do the hokey pokey blindfolded while swigging from a bottle of Black Jack and listening to "Stairway to Heaven", the laptop will miraculously heal itself.

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You are on the right path now

by The Scummy One In reply to Sacrifice

but have missed the 'cure'.
You need to sacrifice the rabbits ON the notebook. The blood must flow into the CPU itself, along with the incense smoke.

The holy water needs to be splashed on the screen AFTER the gremlins have left, to keep them from coming back.
The J D should be used both internally and on the notebook to help confuse the evil e-gremlins to go back into the dark, and so that after enough, you will be a witness to it...

Please never actually try this fix!

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Burial

by GSG In reply to You are on the right path ...

Actualy, I'm going to perform a burial this weekend. I found laptop with a 2ghz processor, 2gb of Ram, 160gb HD, etc.... that with my discount and no sales tax is an awesome deal. They'll even have it at my house sometime tomorrow.

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The Evil HAL9000 sent them your way

by The Scummy One In reply to Laptop Hell

he was trying to open the air-lock to your neighbor, but opened the portal to the evil e-gremlins instead!

of course, if you say Help Me Scum God, I may just put those things away!!! :^0 :^0

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Speaking of Laptop problems....FORKLIFT !!!!

by tryten In reply to Laptop Hell

I am currently trying to salvage what I can from a Dell Lattitude 620 that was "Hit" by a forklift. The processor and RAM do not seem to have any visual damage.

The LCD is spider webbed pretty badly and the chassis is warped all to ****. There were some issues in trying to remove the hard drive. Turns out that its now slightly U shaped. Oh and it now sounds like a baby rattle because the platters have shattered.

Apparently the ATG 20 foot drop test pales in comparison to a forklift strike.

What is scary is that this thing was mounted on an articulating arm, attached to a custom made 3/4" steel post. The post was struck once before by the "Lunatic" drivers and was ripped out of the concrete, even though it was within 2 feet of a structural steel I beam. We moved the pole to within inches of the building structure...apparently not only are they poor drivers they are blind cause this time the laptop was in place and the post has to be remounted again into the concrete because its loose.

I really wish I could post pictures of it but its cameras are not allowing in the plant. Including cell phones.

PS. The battery was found the next day underneath some pallets.

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Oh yes, lift equipment and operators,

by seanferd In reply to Speaking of Laptop proble ...

the companies that build them, and the guys who maintain them (if they do maintain them).

As far as a similar incident goes, I had the pleasure to see what happens to one of those UPS (as in shipping) handheld devices looks like when it gets creamed by a towmotor, along with the UPS guy's glasses. He balanced them on a yellow steel and concrete post, knocked them off when he turned around, and I looked on helplessly as my co-worker ran them over. It all happened too fast to stop it.

Also saw a keyboard on a swing-arm smacked across the production area when hit by the cage on a forklift.

Other incidents involving electronics were due to poor design and electronic failure on the trucks themselves. (Never buy the first couple models of anything incorporating new technology without extensive testing first.)
Cracked a thousand dollar mobo on a lift truck when someone tipped a pallet over right in front of me. The cowling on the front of the machine, it turns out, was made of eighth-inch thick vacu-form plastic, the board was right in front and otherwise unprotected. Many other incidents involved sudden system failure on trucks in motion: suddenly no steering or brakes. Wham! Other times, the brakes would come on of a sudden at failure, and on a stand-up truck, you'd smack your face right into the windshield, inertia providing.

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HAHA

by tryten In reply to Oh yes, lift equipment an ...

Yes our forklift drivers are world class.
We had one individual drive one off the edge of the loading bay. Apparently he didn't realize that sunlight meant that there was no truck parked there.

Another incident happened to our new safety inspector on his first day. 1 foot from being splattered by a forklift driver trying to take a shortcut in the warehouse. That driver no longer works with us.

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Yeah

by seanferd In reply to HAHA

I decided to not even mention anything that didn't involve a PCB, or I would probably still be writing the post.

One of my favorites involved a rather old piece of equipment. (Did I mention our lack-of-maintenance dept.?) It was seriously bogging down, and becoming increasingly warm. Our supervisor, with no real choice open to him, told my co-worker to keep using it until it failed entirely. Within five minutes the thing was on fire. I love the smell of burning wire insulation in the morning! (01:00) We had us a bit of overtime cleaning up the dry chemical and crispy wiring.

We also had some interesting wall deco for a week. Two forks from a towmotor which had become lodged in the cinderblock (wasn't on my shift, so unfortunately I missed the action). I can only assume that they would have stayed there forever, but I needed them, so I removed them manually. Turns out no one ever tried since the couldn't be removed by reversing the forklift to which they had formerly been attached.

I had better quit now, or I'll be writing a novel in TR-space.

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some to be going on with.....

by gadgetgirl In reply to Friday Yuk

Q: What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile?
A: Get in the Batmobile Robin!
- - - - - - - - - - -
Making Cakes
5-year old Jennie and her mother are walking in the zoo. They walk past the monkey cage, in which two monkeys are having sex. Jennie asks her mother, "What are the monkeys doing?" and her mother, thinking quickly, answers, "Um, they're making cakes, dear."

They keep on strolling through the zoo, and they walk past the lion cage, in which the lion is bonking the **** out of the lioness. "What are they doing?" Jennie once again asks. The mother replies, "They're making cakes too, pumpkin."

Soon they find themselves in front of the elephants, where the elephants are screwing like there is no tomorrow. "What are they doing?" Jennie asks, and her mother replies, "They are making cakes, darling."

The next morning, Jennie's mother is cooking in the kitchen, when Jennie comes in. "Mommy," she starts.
"Yes, sugar-plum?" her mother prompts her.
"Did you and daddy make cakes on the couch last night?"

Well, naturally, the mother is rather nonplussed, but she keeps her cool, and asks, "Why, did you see daddy and me making cakes on the couch last night?"

"No, but I licked the icing off the upholstery."
- - - - - - - - - - -
3-year old old Joey and Lisa are playing in the living room.
Joey: Lisa, do you want to give me a blowjob in the patio?
Lisa: What's a patio?


GG

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Priest's Missionary Work

by DMambo In reply to Friday Yuk

A priest was about to finish his tour of duty and was leaving his mission in the jungle where he had spent years teaching the natives, when he realized that the one thing he had never taught them was how to speak English.

So he took the chief for a walk in the forest. He pointed to a tree and said to the chief, "This is a tree."

The chief looked at the tree and grunted, "Tree." The priest was pleased with the response. They walked a little farther and he pointed to a rock and said, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looked and grunted, "Rock."

The priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he heard a rustling in the bushes. As they peeked over the top, they saw a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The priest was really flustered and quickly explained, "Man riding a bike."

The chief looked at the couple briefly, pulled out his blowpipe and killed them. The priest went ballistic and yelled at the chief that he had spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied: "My bike."

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