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Friday Yuk

By Shellbot ·
Tags: Off Topic
What the heck guys..there was a time when the friday yuk was posted on thursday by some upstart Aussie trying to beat everyone to it....and now, its lunch in Ireland..and I've no yuk to read.

Tis a sad day indeed...

I'll post a couple in a few minutes....

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DM WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU?

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Priest's Missionary Work

Has the Impure Brigade paid you a visit and corrupted you to the Dark Side?

Heaven Help this Poor Sole he is very far gone and is rapidly catching up on GG and Shelly.

Col ]:)

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Complete misinterpretation

by DMambo In reply to DM WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO Y ...

Col, you should know that my contribution to the Yuk is a morality tale. The lesson to be learned is that there are consequences for infidelity. As always, I am working to maintain the high moral standards of TR.

PURITY FOREVER!!!!!

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yeahright, like we believe you <nt>

by gadgetgirl In reply to Complete misinterpretatio ...
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"high moral standards "

by The Scummy One In reply to Complete misinterpretatio ...

except around the holidays, or any other time it seems fit to stray off of the path!!!

not edited to add:
"PURITY FOREVER!!!!! " -- must really depend on the perception of the one calling themselves pure! The more whacked they are in the head, the more 'off' their purity really is!!! :^0 :^0

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I like to separate the two

by jdclyde In reply to "high moral standards "

Currently looking for a woman with high standards and low morals..... ]:)

B-)

Purity? Bah! That is for water!

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Well, I guess it is better than

by The Scummy One In reply to I like to separate the tw ...

currently looking for a woman with low standards and high morals :0

As for the Purity rating, I am sooo confused by it. Apparently whatever you think you are, regardless of anything else, that is where you stand...

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purity is confused

by jdclyde In reply to Well, I guess it is bette ...

with innocence.

I AM pure. pure evil that is.... ]:)

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awe man this is a good one

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

ONCE there was this guy, who had spent his whole life being totally OBSESSED with tractors.

He had tractor everything!

Wallpaper, bedcovers, tractor carpet, his curtains had tractors on them, tractor books...

He knew everything there was too know about tractors!

With his 27th birthday rolled around and he treated himself to his usual tractor birthday cake, but as he blew out his candles he stopped and realised he had no friends, and had done nothing with his life.

So he decided things had to change.

He ran upstairs, ripped down his posters, tore up his carpet, got rid of all his tractor merchandise and headed down to his local pub!

Not long after arriving and ordering his first ever pint, a fire broke out, the pub soon became filled with black smoke and people began choking and fighting to escape.

The guy stood up from his quiet corner, held out his arms and with one deep breath inhaled all the smoke in the room leaving the air fresh and clear!

The people cheered as they picked themselves up from the floor asking "How the **** did you do that? you saved our lives!"

The guy said: "I'm an ex-tractor fan!"

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caught in the act

by Shellbot In reply to awe man this is a good on ...

A wife comes home after a shopping trip, and she's horrified to see her husband in bed with a young woman.

She's about to storm out of the house, and the husband says "But I can explain, dear. As I was driving home I saw this poor and tired-looking creature standing by the road, so I offered her a ride. She said she was hungry, so I brought her to our home and fed her some of your leftover pot roast. Her shoes were completely worn out, so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't wear because they're out of style. She was cold, so I gave her your new birthday sweater you never wear because you say the color doesn't suit you. Her slacks were tattered, so I gave her a pair of yours that don't fit you anymore.

Then, just as she was about to leave our house, she stopped and asked me, 'Is there anything else your wife no longer uses?'

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After Christmas

by Shellbot In reply to awe man this is a good on ...

'Twas the week after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt

I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
"Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie - not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore
But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

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