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Friday Yuk

By Steffi28 ·
Tags: Off Topic
Woooo, I beat everyone too it now I just need to find something funny to put in here....

Firstly my warning to all men

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

God works in Mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here is another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine
didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then
hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police"


Women are clever, evil bitches Don't mess with them.


The Top Ten Reasons Why Women Hate Men

10. They are unable to make eye contact-only **** contact.

9. No matter how many times you cut your hair, they will never notice.

8. If they sleep with 50 women they consider it an accomplishment worthy of praise.

7. Flagellating in public-enough said.

6. Their vast amount of lame excuses.

5. The bigger the man, the bigger the baby.

4. "It wasn't me."

3. If caught in the act, they will still deny.

2. No periods-No PMS.

1. Because they're men!


1. Why do men prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.

2. Why do black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

3. Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

4. Why are husbands like lawn mowers?They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.

5. What's the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is a fish.

6. Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?

7. Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.

8. Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because they already have boyfriends.

9. What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.

10. Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

11. How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three-one to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.

12. How do men sort their laundry?
Filthy, and Filthy But Wearable.

13. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
B. So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.

14. What is the thinnest book in the world?
What men know about women.

15. How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?
A. One - men will screw anything
B. One - men will screw up anything
C. Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it.

16. How can you tell if a man is aroused?
He's breathing.

17. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

18. How do you save a man from drowning?
You take your foot off his head.

19. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Who cares? Has it ever happened?

20. What is a man's idea of doing housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum under them.

21. What does a man consider a seven-course meal?
A hot dog and a six-pack.

22. Why are men like laxatives?
They can irritate the **** out of you.

23. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

24. How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

25. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind.
2. No business.

26. Why is a woman different from a PC?
A woman won't accept a 3 1/2-inch floppy.

27. Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.

Happy Friday

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That's an unexpected change Shelly

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to umm..well

What exactly is it that you are unable to sallow that requires you to keep your mouth shut?

I will not wish you a Happy Friday as by the sounds of things you are already in the process of having one. :^0

Col ]:)

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"Man" hating I can understand, but not "Men" overall

by daveo2000 In reply to I was expecting this

After all, some of us have your best interests at heart! I cannot quite picture the carbon-based life-form that you have described back in Lilliput as actually qualifying for the title of "Man" but, benefit of the doubt, we will grant you the attitude on that one.

But just think of the rest of us that have such high thoughts of you. Why, the pedistal that we have erected for you will bring you to new heights. We men raise our heads to you and salute your Purity. We will shower you with our adulation if you but let us.

(Edited to add: certainly there aren't any DEs in there!) ]:)

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Just the Bit about the Pedestal Dave

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to "Man" hating I can unders ...

Steffi will think that you are attempting to look up her dress AGAIN.

Col ]:)

Have a great week end everyone except Shelly and Steffi as you two are both naughty.

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<cough> <sputter> Never! <ahem> How could you suggest <um>

by daveo2000 In reply to Just the Bit about the Pe ...

I am far too Pure and, um, well Pure to stoop over and try to look up, well, there.

By the way, Steffi. You should get that hem looked at. It appears that the stitching is unravelling. But don't worry, it doesn't show from the outside yet.

So, did the halo work?

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by Steffi28 In reply to Just the Bit about the Pe ...

Dave always trying to look up my dress so I'm used to it by now but I blame you, you put the idea in his head in the first place

And I had a great weekend

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You may not have noticed, but I was very careful to be

by Deadly Ernest In reply to I was expecting this

non-gender specific, so as to allow you to chose the gender of the significant other. Just be careful about using terms like 'come again' and 'do you come here often.'

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Careful? I believe the idea is to do it as often as possible.

by daveo2000 In reply to You may not have noticed, ...

I mean, after all, having people visit is just plain neighborly!

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good girl steff..

by Shellbot In reply to Yes but you got it last w ...

haven't had a good DE in a while :)

oh..had interview this morn, got the i want it?? Not sure. They offering less money than they were initially quoting..i'm just not quite sure what they expecting, they dropped money by 4 grand, and to be honest, i don't think its a realistic salary for what they are looking for. So have to think about it over weekend..its not "the perfect job i've always been looking for" so not sure if i that motivated to accept a pay drop.. if my current company thinks i am worth X amount, who are they to offer me less, for a job which would mean way more responsability ??

on the up side, got my hair done, i look half decent for a change :)

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You alreadfy ave a job so look at the equation

by dryflies In reply to good girl steff..

if they dropped it 4 grand, call them and jack the price back up. you are working from a position of power.. use it.

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by Steffi28 In reply to good girl steff..

I knew you could do it!! Was the interviewer a lesbian like we said?? lol

Looks like you got a lot of thinking on your hands at the moment, like what was the reason you went to the interview in the first place, was it just the increase in wage or are you currently hating your job! Good luck on whatever you decide to do hun and keep us updated!

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