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Friday Yuk

By Steffi28 ·
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Woooo, I beat everyone too it now I just need to find something funny to put in here....

Firstly my warning to all men

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

God works in Mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here is another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine
didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then
hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police"

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Women are clever, evil bitches Don't mess with them.

-----------------------------------------------

The Top Ten Reasons Why Women Hate Men

10. They are unable to make eye contact-only **** contact.

9. No matter how many times you cut your hair, they will never notice.

8. If they sleep with 50 women they consider it an accomplishment worthy of praise.

7. Flagellating in public-enough said.

6. Their vast amount of lame excuses.

5. The bigger the man, the bigger the baby.

4. "It wasn't me."

3. If caught in the act, they will still deny.

2. No periods-No PMS.

1. Because they're men!

-----------------------------------------------

1. Why do men prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.

2. Why do black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

3. Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

4. Why are husbands like lawn mowers?They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.

5. What's the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is a fish.

6. Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?

7. Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.

8. Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because they already have boyfriends.

9. What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.

10. Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

11. How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three-one to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.

12. How do men sort their laundry?
Filthy, and Filthy But Wearable.

13. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
B. So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.

14. What is the thinnest book in the world?
What men know about women.

15. How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?
A. One - men will screw anything
B. One - men will screw up anything
C. Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it.

16. How can you tell if a man is aroused?
He's breathing.

17. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

18. How do you save a man from drowning?
You take your foot off his head.

19. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Who cares? Has it ever happened?

20. What is a man's idea of doing housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum under them.

21. What does a man consider a seven-course meal?
A hot dog and a six-pack.

22. Why are men like laxatives?
They can irritate the **** out of you.

23. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

24. How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

25. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind.
2. No business.

26. Why is a woman different from a PC?
A woman won't accept a 3 1/2-inch floppy.

27. Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.


Happy Friday

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OK

by Steffi28 In reply to How do you know?

I'll get the coffee in just for you, that ok? Or would you prefer I get something stronger?

And as for helping Tig, that sounds fine by me

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Stef I'll have you know that this Little Black Duck is PURE

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to How do you know?

And never drinks hot bereaves ever!

I only ever touch lemonade of the fizzy kind as it's safe to drink and I'm not adversely impacting on the already low Water Levels in out dams by drinking the Bottled stuff.

Yes I know that I used to work in Stuttgart but that was a very long time ago and I no longer have any influence that I know of over in Germany except for the Classic Mercedes Benz place as I give them lots of money and they in return give me some small parts. :^0

But if you see one of these things

http://tinyurl.com/33nwut

SWMBO would certainly be interested.

Actually I've got a D?sseldorf that needs some body parts so how are you setup for large packages to wrap and ship?

Sorry I should have told you just how small these are so here is the URL for the 408 Model that I have Mercedes have altered their Web Site Again so this one has to come from a different source.

http://tinyurl.com/33sekk

Col ]:)

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I'll see what I can do

by Steffi28 In reply to How do you know?

I'm good with body parts especially those with large packages! I can try my best to wrap it

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Well they are certainly Large Body Parts

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to How do you know?

But just to give you some idea I've edited the previous post to include a URL for the 408 series and a link to a car that SWMBO wants. Honest she does and she doesn't even care if it's left hand drive she just wants one to sit in the garage never to be moved and certainly I'll never be allowed to drive it. :^0

At least not when she's looking.

Col

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That's... just 2 hills over...

by dawgit In reply to How do you know?

That is one strange looking building, I have to say that. I just went by there last week too. Was I to go shopping? ? You do know those folks would get kind of upset if someone where to lifting parts from there... :0 There's a big wharehouse right there in the neibourhood though. There are some nice cars in there. :^0 -d

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Bloody Mercedes Benz Web Page

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to How do you know?

You go to sub pages and get to keep the main page.

Actually since you are driving past that building all you need is a Mercedes Car Transporter and some Merc Overalls and drive up and tell them that you have to pick up the 1955 300SL to take it back for some routine service because the battery had failed and the company wants it fixed. They would actually accept that explanation and hand over the car without a second thought. :^0

I'll organise the Shipping though.

Actually Mercedes Benz has shot their Web Site to hell with the new change as it was much better before and instead of being directed to the Museum like you are now you could get straight to the Classic Car Parts and buy what you needed and have Mercedes ship them out to you quite easily. Now I can't quickly find anything that I was looking at the last time that I ordered any parts.

Col

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Missed one, Steffi

by Tig2 In reply to Friday Yuk

28. How can you tell if a man is lying to you?


His lips are moving.

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hey you !!!

by rob mekel In reply to Missed one, Steffi

Ain't you forgetting something ]:)
His lips can move you around you wouldn't believe :8} :0
That is ... when you let him :^0

Good to see you around TT

Rob

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missed another

by dryflies In reply to Missed one, Steffi

29. How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?

None, the beer should be open by the time she brings it to him. :-)

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:0

by Steffi28 In reply to missed another

Cant say im going to allow this one, I dont like it

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