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Friday Yuk

By rob mekel ·
Tags: Off Topic
As I'm going away right after this post I'll risk the chance to be poked at :^0

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don't make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than cats.

9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

18. Share the bathroom

19. Share the closet.

20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

24. Check your oil.

25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

29. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

30. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

31. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.

35. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

36. Don't make 50 rules when 36 will do.

Have a great weekend and ... week to come.
or did i spell come wrong ]:)


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by sd support In reply to not so much a joke..

How the *** are you today?

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by Shellbot In reply to Shellbolocks

craptacular even.
on a half day, gettin ready to leg it and start boozing it up at lunch..

it don't get much better.

shame though, i won't have time to kick your @ss all day

and how the **** are you?

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by sd support In reply to fantastic

Just harrassing tr again to pass the boredom of work.On the **** later myself.Ill be doing the kicking here thank you. Any scandal EDITED?

Message was edited by: moderator

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by Shellbot In reply to EDITED

no scandal..

TR's a nice place to hang, don't be so mean :)

Anywho, ya, time to go act all D4..posh lunch, glass of know the type don't ya..the type you'd like to be but can't ]:)

And remember, if yer looking to get laid, aim low and you might have a chance...

Who knows, maybe some unlucky woman will make a man of you tonight :)

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Na , no

by langballse In reply to naw

time for that bollocks,conquered the marriage territory long ago and still happy,not even if you knew how to EDITED Oh and sorry had to change profile.

Message was edited by: beth.blakely@...

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A father and son in the shopping mall...

by daveo2000 In reply to Friday Yuk

An Amish family goes to one of those new shopping malls that sprouted up near their settlement to see what the world had come to. They walk around and the mother goes in to look at clothing in a women's clothing store. The father and son keep walking looking at the wonders that confront them.

They come to an elevator bank and see the doors open. An older woman gets in and presses a button. They see the lights above the door count up, then count down. Next a rather beautiful woman comes out and walks away. Both of them are amazed at this machine.

Another older woman is standing there waiting and gets in, presses a button. The father and son watch as the numbers go up and then come down again, the door opens and a lovely young woman comes out and walks away.

At this point, the father tells his son "Quick, boy. Go get your mother and let's see if it works for her too!"

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by langballse In reply to A father and son in the s ...

was just EDIT stupid

Message was edited by: moderator

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Palmetto, Shell, please help.

by daveo2000 In reply to That

I don't want to feed the animals.

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She's gone for some drinks

by langballse In reply to Palmetto, Shell, please h ...

She wont be back until monday , but i'll pass on your regards
love john

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My contribution...

by Bubba69 In reply to Friday Yuk

What's the difference between a lady in church and lady in the bathtub?
One has hope in her soul.
What?s the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
One shucks between fits.
What?s the difference between a group of pigmy?s running through the woods and a group of Girl Scouts?
One?s a group of cunning little runts.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic!
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems ok, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

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