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friday yuk

By Shellbot ·
Tags: Off Topic
an oldie but goodie :)


A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a
woman may go to choose a husband. ?Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the
store ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1?- These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love ?kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads!

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead
gorgeous, help with the ?housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth ?floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!


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thanks tig!

by heml0ck In reply to Why Dogs are better than ...

those are good! (and mostly true) :)

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there are more

by rob mekel In reply to Why Dogs are better than ...

1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny ... not funny at all!

2. Yelling at me for barking .. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG!

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose ... stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

6. The slight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo -- what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for the "big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello? Haven't you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.



ps Oh My, did I put this up?? Hope it's all clear that is (so to say) from a dogs point of view.

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How dogs and men are the same

by maecuff In reply to Why Dogs are better than ...

4. Both like to chew wood.

I'm pretty sure that this only applies to JD.. :)

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How would I know..

by maecuff In reply to chew?

I don't know exactly what it is your kind does with 'wood'. I was just assuming.

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Now Tig I must take exception to the last one

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Why Dogs are better than ...

Neither understands what you see in cats

Every one of my Great Danes always thought that I brought cats home for them to eat. They all understood implicitly what cats where good for eating and nothing else except maybe to knock trees down to get at.

Col ]:)

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bran muffins

by heml0ck In reply to friday yuk

They were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due
to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last 2 decades.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane unfortunately crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"Why, nothing," Peter replied; "remember, this is your reward in Heaven."

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever-built on Earth. "What are the greens fees?" grumbled the old man.

"This is heaven," St. Peter replied "You can play for free, every day, any time of day that you want."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic desserts, free flowing beverages. "Don't even ask," said St Peter to the man. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?"he asked.

"That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!"

The old man inquired, "No gym to work out at?"

"Not unless you want to," was the answer.

"No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..."

"Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."

The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your darn bran muffins. We could have been here twenty years ago!"


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Okay, I'll give it a shot.

by Susan1979 In reply to friday yuk

Since the battle of the sexes seem to be a running theme this Friday...

What do men and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.

What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!

How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.

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:) You found the weekly yuk

by rob mekel In reply to Okay, I'll give it a shot ...

and it seems that you are getting the grip of it :)

Good ones. Do give us a warning so we can get the screenwhipes in advance :)


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Stress Management

by heml0ck In reply to friday yuk

Stress Management does matter.
Just in case you've had a rough day or you ARE having a rough day, here is a QUICK 7-Step stress management technique recommended in the latest psychological texts.

The funny thing is - this really works. Try this:

1. Picture yourself near a stream.

2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.

3. No one but you knows your secret place.

4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world."

5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

6. The water is crystal clear.

7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater.

See - You are smiling already.

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