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Friday Yuk. As OZ has failed to live up to one of his New Years Resolutions

By HAL 9000 Moderator ·
I got this one sent to me by one of the TR Peers and loved it.

A father asked his 10-year-old son if he knew about
the birds and the bees.

??oI don't want to know!" the child said, bursting
into tears.

"Promise me you won't tell me!"

Confused, the father asked what was wrong?

The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the "There's no
Santa" speech.

At seven, I got the "There's no Easter Bunny" speech."


When I was eight, you hit me with the "There's no
tooth fairy" speech.

If you're going to tell me that grownups don't really
get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."


Or keeping to the religious vein which seems to have been very active recently

The Dead Parrot

A young families children?s pet parrot dies and the children are disconsolate and unable to be comforted.

Out of desperation the mother suggests that they have a Funeral for the dead bird. This makes the children think and they ask can we have a proper coffin? And can we perform the service our selves?

The mother agrees to this and finds an old shoe box and lines it with scrap material to make the dead bird look comfortable and then digs a hole in the back yard to burry the dead bird.

The children ran the funeral service just like the one that they saw when their Great Uncle died they give speeches about just what a good bird it was and then finish with this prayer.

In the Name of the Father the Son and In The Hole He Goes.

Suffer OZ I've given you till 1.30 AM on Saturday AU time and you've missed the boat again!

Thanks to the Peer who sent in the first one I will not name them to protect the GULITY.

Col

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"Thou shalt not kill"...

by Salamander In reply to Seven reasons to not mess ...
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I love them all but

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Seven reasons to not mess ...

The "Thou Shalt Not Kill" is the best one well at least as it relates to my kids when they where younger, well come to think of it it still applies I guess that is why they have moved as far away as possible from each other while still being in the same city well almost.

But the one about the chocolate Chip cookies has to come a close second.

Col

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Jesus ,Colin!

by Oz_Media In reply to Friday Yuk. As OZ has fai ...

You do realize that it is Friday in Australia long before I go to bed on Thursday night right?

I am just like a puppy dog opening my eyes and letting in the first rays of light! Gimme a break!

I think my NEW NEW Years resolution will be to make sure Colin has the Friday Yuk up when I first crawl out of my bed, well I'll probably check while still IN bed, I'm not getting up on YOUR behalf! :)

1:30 AM AU time! Damn, it's JUST gone 1PM Friday here and I was up until 4:30! Give me a break!

So I hand the scepter to you my friend, I welcome reading your Friday Yuk like the funnies in the morning!

Wow that was easy, anyone want to quit smoking for me now?

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Yes OZ I realize

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Jesus ,Colin!

But I gave you till 1.00 PM your time to post something didn't I?

Buy the way you got some sleep which is far more than I did actually what the hell is sleep anyway?

Passing the buck isn't the answer either it is hardly keeping your your New Years Resolution to Never Miss another Friday Yuk again is it?

Col

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Of course it is

by Oz_Media In reply to Yes OZ I realize

If I delegate the position then it should be fine.

I never said anything about ME postng the yuk, I just said that I wouldn't forget, I think that's what I sald, I may have forgotten already though.

But delegation shows good skills too!

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Delegation is a Management Skill

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Of course it is

And since I do not work for you SUFFER!

Incidental OZ it's now 7.45 PM local time and that is much earlier your time than the time that I posted the original message.

Fess up you screwed up and you can not get away with it.

Anyway you might like to check out the following it is a reply to Garion11 when he admitted GWB was responsible for the events around the Indian Ocean. I will not repost it here as it then lacks a lot of the comedy that it has in its original placing.

http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=8&threadID=165852&messageID=1698429

Col

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Actually it's 1PM again here.

by Oz_Media In reply to Delegation is a Managemen ...

Happens EVERY day it seems!

We can't communicate in real time so I am not sure how you have determined what time I am posting, unless you've been sitting there hitting F5 every 30 seconds in anticipation of my reply?

Why is it ALWAYS 1PM here? Wierd country!

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OZ perhaps you should have

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Actually it's 1PM again h ...

Your watch and clocks fixed! Do you think that may cure the problem? Most clocks need batteries placed in them occasionally and it is a dead give away if the second hand isn't moving.

Most modern watches are the same as well but with those you tend to have to take them to a shop to have batteries fitted.

Unlike my Bulova which I have to send to Switzerland every 12 -18 months to have a new battery fitted. While it tends to be a bit expensive in postage it gets even worse when it arrives back after a service as Customs insists on charging "Import Duty" on my "New Watch" last time they replaced the face, case, band and a few of the internals so to all intents and purposes it looked brand new, now that was a hard one to get around and I only managed it because I knew the head of Customs here in Brisy and he has seen me wear the watch on many occasions but even he couldn't believe that it was the same unit even though it had all the replaced bits included in the package.

Col

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Batteries?

by Oz_Media In reply to OZ perhaps you should hav ...

Well my watch is purposely 2 minutes fast, an old Iron Maiden thing from my youth.

The clock I was referring to just chime's once, telling me it's one o-clock.

I was shipped (at great expense) my grandfather's 'grandfather clock' a few years back after my grandmother passed.

I took it in for cleaning, at MY great expense, and oufnd out it was actually hand carved in Germany just prior to WWII, it is something I treasure VERY much, for it's origin and craftsmanship as well as it's aentimental attachments.

I just have to pull the weights once oin a whioeland it keep great time, I wouldn't be surprised to find out even more accurately than my $50.00 Timex digital watch. But I can't put down my watch too much it was a gift from family, so I must appreciate and love it all the same.

But I can swap the battery easily enough and no customs is involved, just heaps of tax on the battery itself.

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"In The Hole He Goes."

by jardinier In reply to Friday Yuk. As OZ has fai ...

When my Mum was very young, when saying her prayers when she came to the part (referring to children) "suffer them to come to me," her interpretation was "Come and have a cup of tea."

Now wasn't that considerate of her, to invite Jesus to have a hot beverage?

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