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Friday Yuk. As OZ has failed to live up to one of his New Years Resolutions

By HAL 9000 Moderator ·
I got this one sent to me by one of the TR Peers and loved it.

A father asked his 10-year-old son if he knew about
the birds and the bees.

??oI don't want to know!" the child said, bursting
into tears.

"Promise me you won't tell me!"

Confused, the father asked what was wrong?

The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the "There's no
Santa" speech.

At seven, I got the "There's no Easter Bunny" speech."


When I was eight, you hit me with the "There's no
tooth fairy" speech.

If you're going to tell me that grownups don't really
get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."


Or keeping to the religious vein which seems to have been very active recently

The Dead Parrot

A young families children?s pet parrot dies and the children are disconsolate and unable to be comforted.

Out of desperation the mother suggests that they have a Funeral for the dead bird. This makes the children think and they ask can we have a proper coffin? And can we perform the service our selves?

The mother agrees to this and finds an old shoe box and lines it with scrap material to make the dead bird look comfortable and then digs a hole in the back yard to burry the dead bird.

The children ran the funeral service just like the one that they saw when their Great Uncle died they give speeches about just what a good bird it was and then finish with this prayer.

In the Name of the Father the Son and In The Hole He Goes.

Suffer OZ I've given you till 1.30 AM on Saturday AU time and you've missed the boat again!

Thanks to the Peer who sent in the first one I will not name them to protect the GULITY.

Col

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That's what I thought

by Oz_Media In reply to no

That's why I didn't even bother checking back to see if it had been updated.

Thought I didn't see you. :)

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That is why

by jdclyde In reply to That's what I thought

I didn't post this!


A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife told him... "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat".

The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday

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Move along, nothing to see here....

by jdclyde In reply to That is why

One day a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were out window shopping, when they came across an old mysterious head shop.

The three girls went inside, and went up to the counter where a strange old woman was standing.

She looked them over, and asked the girls if they wanted to see something that would interest them. The girls, who were curious, said yes.

Then the old woman pulled out a very old looking jar.

The old woman said to the girls, "This is a magic jar, you whisper something you think is true into it, and if it is true, something really GREAT will happen.

BUT if it isnt true..... POOF!! you'll disappear off the face of the earth."

The redhead said she would go first. She took the jar and whispered into it, "I think I'm the most glamorous girl in the world."

POOF!!!! The redhead disappeared.

Then the brunette said, "Let me try I don't lie." She took the jar and whispered, "I think I'm the brainiest girl in the world...

POOF!!!!! she disappears.

Then the blonde says, "Well let me try. She took the jar and whispered..

"I think.. POOF!! she disappeared!!

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Are you still here?

by jdclyde In reply to Move along, nothing to se ...

25 Things Cat Lovers Know

Here is a list of 25 things that cat-lovers know, but won't admit.

- An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

- Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.

- Dogs do what you tell them to do. Cats take a message and get back to you.

- Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

- A cat's motto is no matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

- A cat bites the hand that won't feed it fast enough.

- Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

- Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

- Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit.

- Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right.

- Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

- Cats know what we feel. They don't care, but they know.

- Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.

- Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

- Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

- I had to get rid of my wife. The cat was allergic.

- I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.

- In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats.

- On the Internet, nobody knows you're a cat.

- One cat just leads to another.

- People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

- Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. It's all true, and they have many other fine qualities as well.

- There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.

- When I wash the cat, it takes me hours to get the hair off my tongue.

- You can always tell a cat, but you can't tell him much.

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nope

by Jaqui In reply to Are you still here?

no-one it here. it's just a figment of your imagination, triggered by the pepperoni on the pizza from last night.

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Good!

by jdclyde In reply to Are you still here?

I thought I had heard something.... Thanks for telling me your not there!


"Shhhhhhh! Be vewwwyyyy qwwwuiet! I'm hunten wabbits! aaaahahhhaaaaa!"

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JD since you are obviously

by The Scummy One In reply to Are you still here?

over-confused I am posting the link to the current YUK (which has the animal theme also).

I know it is beyond comprehension for you that there is a NEW YUK every week, but please try to follow along :^0

http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=260415&messageID=2475349

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not old

by jdclyde In reply to Are you still here?
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