General discussion

Locked

Friday Yuk ( cause oz is asleep

By Jaqui ·
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer good:

On a Sears hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be...how?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's "just" a suggestion!)

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head. (!!!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on the bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late, you lose!)

On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment).

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time? Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts!!)

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: Keep out of children. (Or pets. What's for dinner?)

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Hmmmmm, now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: Contains nuts. (no comment).

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts. (What is going on here?)

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (As if you try to stop "anything" with your genitals. Maybe it's endorsed by Lorena Bobbit).

On a child's superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Way to destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

This conversation is currently closed to new comments.

80 total posts (Page 5 of 8)   Prev   03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07   Next
| Thread display: Collapse - | Expand +

All Comments

Collapse -

Let me think on it....

by Jessie In reply to I'd go with more than one ...
Collapse -

Figured as much.

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Let me think on it....

:^O

Dawg ]:)

Collapse -

sorry

by jdclyde In reply to Let me think on it....

had to go to the bathroom, for about 10 minutes....

Collapse -

10 minutes?

by Jessie In reply to Let me think on it....

It takes you 10 minutes, just for THAT? What, are you fantasizing about someone else doing it poorly?

Collapse -

maybe

by jck In reply to 10 minutes?

he was "giving birth"?

Collapse -

Quickies

by jdclyde In reply to 10 minutes?

IT used to complain because my quickies were 15 to 20 minutes. Of all the things to get upset at someone about, that one I don't understand.

And just how long should THAT take? Remember, it is the journy, not the destination.

Another thing I got in trouble about is the SECOND time takes even longer, so I was RARELY ALLOWED a second with help. (poor me)


A man takes a hooker up to the hotel room and starts to negotiate the price.
She agrees to **** him for $100.
He instantly starts to masterbate.
The hooker says "I said I would do it, why are you doing that?"
The man looks at her and says "For $100, do you think your getting the easy one?"

Collapse -

schedule and return on investment

by jck In reply to 10 minutes?

Man...I gotta tell you...if that's the mentality of most women, I'm not gettin married.

On occasion...if you're married with no kids...if there isn't a free weekend to just stay in the house and forget the world outside and be with each other...hm...yeah...don't know if I'd ever get married then.

I like those really long, smooth, slow journeys...especially the ones with champagne and other assorted accessories. :)

Collapse -

Yeah but,

by Jessie In reply to 10 minutes?

A "do it yourself" job shouldn't take more than a couple of minutes, and that's if you prolong things. When you're with someone and actually want something more than just release, is the time to take your time and enjoy the journey... if you're doing it yourself though, it's ALL ABOUT the destination.

Collapse -

I don't know about that...

by jck In reply to 10 minutes?

I kinda like it when I take my time and talk dirty to myself hahahaha

Yeah...I'm the expert on "self love"...guaranteed. 2-7 minutes if I am not interrupted...and depending on how long I wanna take.

Collapse -

Don't any of you lot know better

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to I'd go with more than one ...

Than to upset a pregnant woman? :)

They have memories like Elephants and will continue to keep bringing things up long after you have forgotten that they ever happened.

Be CAREFUL and BE VERY AFRAID.

Col ]:)

Back to Community Forum
80 total posts (Page 5 of 8)   Prev   03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07   Next

Related Discussions

Related Forums