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Friday Yuk - do you still do these?

By aidemzo_adanac ·
Tags: Off Topic
A guy's wife is complaining that he is always talking behind her back and pushing her around.

Not about to stand for such verbal abuse, he steps right in and says" So get out of your damn wheelchair then!"

Hoppy Easter, everyone!

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We don't eat much ham

by Slayer_ In reply to is religion that importan ...

Ham tends to bother our stomachs. My whole family has heart burn problems.

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That's okay

by aidemzo_adanac In reply to is religion that importan ...

Buy shares in Tums and eat what pleases you. I just haven't heard of turkey as an Easter tradition but, in your case, I suppose there's a more than valid reason. Turkey gives me the farts and puts me to sleep though, not a great combo for family get togethers. :)

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With my family, sleep stops the fighting

by Slayer_ In reply to is religion that importan ...

It's the best solution.

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by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to I guess that for a Christ ...

You ever grow Bhut Jolokia? Gads. I transplanted them from sixpacks to 3" peat pots today. The leaves of the danged things reek of hot so bad my nose ran. :0

Also, I'm kinda off my cookies lately, looking for s..t to stir without any 'real reason' for doing so. I think I need to make my '60s.

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by neilb@uk In reply to Seedlings....

Didn't get a crop last year because we had a really bad summer. Naga Bhut Jolokia, Dorset variety, are what's in my propagator. The Ghost Chilli. aka the Death Chilli but I think that's going too far. They won't kill you, you'll just wish you were dead...

Stir away. I haven't had a good religious argument for ages. A couple came round on friday to invite me to a prayer meeting. I did explain that I was an evangelising atheist but they were so nice, we talked about the weather and all departed smiling. Never done THAT before! They usually end up backing away from me...

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And, if the first one was too offensive...

The Perfect Breakfast As a Man Sees It

You’re sitting at the table and your son is on the cover of Wheaties, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and your wife is on the back of the milk carton.

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Happy Easter

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Friday Yuk - do you still ...

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit
jump out across the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the
rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal
lover, pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit is
the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD .

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the side of the road
and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man
what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," ! he explains,
"I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car

The blonde says,"Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny,
bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.

The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the
two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves
again, he hops down the road another 10 feet,
turns and waves, hops another ten feet,
turns and waves, and repeats this again and again
and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can?
What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"

The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.
It says..

(Are you ready for this?)

(You know you're gonna be sorry)

(Last chance)

(OK, here it is)

It says,

"Hair Spray
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave."

Happy Easter!! !

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by aidemzo_adanac In reply to Happy Easter
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The last Pope to die arrives in heaven

by NickNielsen In reply to Friday Yuk - do you still ...

He is greeted by St. Peter and the angels, ushered to his luxurious townhouse, and given the keys to a new Lancia.

The next day, he's out driving around, checking out heaven, the GPS in the Lancia, and the Lancia itself, when he is stopped by a parade of several motorcycles and SUVs bracketing a limousine. Curious, he follows the motorcade to a luxurious mansion with almost the best view in heaven.

Curious, he asks a passing angel who the occupant of the limousine was. The angel said "That was Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr."

Astounded the pope wonders "Who was he and what did he do? I was the Pope, and I got a townhouse and a car, but nothing like this!"

The angel replied, "Well, Your Holiness, we have a lot of Popes here in heaven. But Mr. Justice Holmes was our first lawyer!

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I particularly liked this one

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Friday Yuk - do you still ...

A priest was invited to attend a house party.

Naturally, he was properly dressed and wearing his Priest's Collar.

A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening.

Finally, the priest asked the little boy what he was staring at.

The little boy pointed to the priest's neck.

When the priest finally realized what the boy was pointing at,

He asked the boy, "Do you know why I am wearing that?"

The boy nodded his head yes, and replied,

"It kills fleas and ticks for up to three months"

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