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Friday Yuk: Interview tips

By lindamarie ·
IT jobs seem to be the most shaky these days. Here are a few things you should avoid doing during interviews:

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It's soooo cute

by Steffi28 In reply to ahhh

Kind - errrr just a normal cat lol
Its a she and she's black with white paws, so naturally I've called her socks, hubby wants to call her Jables as in Jack Black, or some other stupid name!

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Here come my contributions (as impure as they are)...

by Bubba69 In reply to Friday Yuk: Interview ti ...

Three middle aged ladies were sitting around the porch one day bragging about their husbands' sex drive when one decided that they should refer to their lovers as a soft drink.

The first lady began, "My husband is like a 7-Up, he's got seven inches and it's always up!"

The second replied, "My man is like a Mountain Dew, when he mounts me he always knows what to do!"

After a moment the third woman says, "My man is like a Jack Daniels?"

"That's not a soft drink," one woman exclaims, "That's a hard liquor!"

Without hesitation the lady shouts, "That's my Leroy!"

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A Priest & A Rabbi

by Bubba69 In reply to Here come my contribution ...

A Catholic priest and a Jewish rabbi are walking down the street. The priest looks over at the rabbi and asks, "Hey, you want to screw the altar boys?"

The rabbi thinks about it for a moment, then replies, "Out of what?"

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Why I love twinkies

by Bubba69 In reply to A Priest & A Rabbi

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father. While her dad is getting his hair cut, the girl begins eating a snack cake. While she's eating, she walks over and stands right next to the barber's chair.

The barber looks down and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."

"I know," the little girl replies. "I'm gonna get boobies, too."

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On the receiving end

by Bubba69 In reply to Why I love twinkies

A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he?s perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed.
?Son, there?s been a bit of a mix-up,? admits the surgeon. ?I?m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a ****** instead of a *****.?

?What!? gasps the patient. ?You mean I?ll never experience another erection??

?Oh, you might,? the surgeon reassures him. ?Just not yours.?

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The tattoo

by Bubba69 In reply to On the receiving end

A lady goes into a tattoo parlor and asks the artist to tattoo a picture of Robert Redford on her right upper thigh and a picture of Paul Newman on her left upper thigh.

The artist does so, and when he finishes hands her a mirror so she can inspect the work.

She looks at the left thigh and says, "Wow! That?s definitely Paul Newman. Just look at those blue eyes." Then she looks at the right thigh and complains, "That doesn?t look like Robert Redford."

The artist disagrees and says they need to find an impartial judge.

They go to the bar next door and ask the first guy they meet to identify the tattoos. She raises her skirt and drops her panties, and he gets his face up close and says, "Well, ma?am, the one on your left thigh is definitely Paul Newman. He even has the blue eyes. The one on your right I?m not sure about?but the one in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson."

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Voices in my head

by Bubba69 In reply to The tattoo

A guy gets home from work one night and hears a voice in his head, which tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas."

The man is disturbed at what he hears and ignores the voice.

But the next day, the same thing happens: The voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas."

Again the man ignores the voice, but he?s becoming increasingly upset, and the third time he hears the voice, he succumbs to the pressure. He quits his job, sells his house, takes his money, and heads to Las Vegas.

The moment the man gets off the plane in Vegas, the voice tells him, "Go to Harrah?s."

He hops in a cab and rushes over to the casino, where the voice tells him, "Go to the roulette table."

The man does as he is told.

When he gets to the roulette table, the voice tells him, "Put all your money on 17."

Nervously, the man cashes in all his money for chips and then puts them on 17.

"Now watch," says the voice.

The dealer wishes the man good luck and spins the roulette wheel.

Around and around the ball caroms. The man anxiously watches the ball as it slowly loses speed until finally it settles into number . . . 21.

The voice says, "F^&k."

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West Virginia bride

by Bubba69 In reply to Voices in my head

A son comes home from college to West Virginia and tells his dad about a wonderful girl he?s met.

?Dad, she?s fantastic. She?s smart, in great shape, and she?s getting her teaching certificate this spring. I?m going to ask her to marry me, but??

?But what, son?? asks the father.

?She?s a virgin.?

The father scratches his beard and says, ?Son, if she ain?t good enough for her own family, she dang sure ain?t good enough for ours.?

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by Shellbot In reply to The tattoo

thats so nasty its funny!!!!!


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Southern and proud of it...

by Bubba69 In reply to Here come my contribution ...

A Texan, a Yankee, and a Southerner are sitting together in a bar in the Yukon. The Texan tosses back his shot of tequila, throws the half-full bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blows it to pieces. The other two, shocked, just stare at the Texan. He explains, "Where I come from, we have plenty of tequila."

The Yankee, not to be outdone, finishes his glass of wine, tosses the half-full bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blows it apart. "Where I come from," he explains, "we have plenty of fine wine."

The Southern guy slowly drinks the last drop of his beer, tosses the empty bottle in the air, pulls out a gun, and shoots the Yankee between the eyes. He then catches the bottle on the way down. "Where I come from," he says slowly, "we never waste booze?and we have way too many Yankees."

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