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Friday Yuk! - My first one

By JackOfAllTech ·
Tags: Off Topic
The Hunch-back of Notre Dame wants to retire so he decides to have open
auditions for his replacement. At the end of the first day of try-outs,
Quasimodo notices that the last applicant has no arms! "How can you ring the
bells without arms?" he asks. The man says he's sure he can do it and begs to
be given a chance.

When Quasimodo agrees, the man takes a few steps back, runs face first into a
bell and staggers back, stunned. Quasimodo says "That's fine but can you do
more than one?" The man takes a few steps back, runs toward the bells, misses,
falls off the tower and smashes onto the courtyard far below.

Quasimodo runs down the hundreds of steps and rushes out into the gathered
crowd. "Does anyone know who he was?" Someone in the crowd yells out "I don't
know his name but his face rings a bell!"

...
...
...

The next day, ANOTHER armless man applies for the job. He assures Quasimodo that he knows what the other man
did wrong and has learned from his mistake.

When Quasimodo reluctantly agrees, the man takes a few steps back, runs face
first into a bell and staggers back, stunned. Quasimodo says "The other guy did
that yesterday, but can you do more than one?" The man takes a few steps back,
runs toward the bells, also misses, also falls off the tower and also smashes
onto the courtyard far below.

Quasimodo again runs down the hundreds of steps and rushes out into the gathered
crowd. "Does anyone know who HE was?" Someone in the crowd yells out "I don't
know his name but he's a dead-ringer for that other guy!"

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Unusual Funeral

by Bubba69 In reply to Things to do in the bathr ...

A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file.

The woman was so curious that she respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I have never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My husband's."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."

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Don't blame me... I didn't write these.

by Bubba69 In reply to Things to do in the bathr ...

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.

Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

Q. How do you fix a woman's watch?
A. You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Q. Why do men break wind more than women?
A. Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

Q. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A. Divorced.

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Q. Why do women have breasts?
A. So men will talk to them.

Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A. They can't stand to see a man have a good time.

Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A women who won't do what she's told.

Q. What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
A. A whine and cheese party

Q. Why is it called PMS?
A. Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

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8 things you'll never hear a woman say...

by Bubba69 In reply to Things to do in the bathr ...

8. What do you mean today's our anniversary?

7. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.

6. Ohh, this diamond is way to big!

5. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'

4. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?

3. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.

2. I don't care if it's on sale, 300 dollars is way to much for a designer dress.

1. Hey, pull my finger!

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Technology Quiz

by OnTheRopes In reply to Freddie and Fannie

http://theuniverseas.com/how-useful-are-you-take-this-technology-quiz<br><br>
I got us into the 19th Century :^0 I'm technologically useful. B-) <br>

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I got us to the 15th century.

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Technology Quiz

They didn't ask anything about gardening or canning.

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They already KNOW how to garden

by neilb@uk In reply to I got us to the 15th cent ...

And you can't get the steel for the cans until Ropes or I get there.

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