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FRIDAY YUK - Official! Queen Gadget says so!!

By neilb@uk ·
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<img src="http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l243/neilb_uk/rtfm.png">

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Well, you are certainly not neurotic

by DadsPad In reply to Actually 2+2=3...
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Hows this one?

by DadsPad In reply to Actually 2+2=3...

Neurotics build castles in the air.

Psychotics live in them.

Psychiatrists are the people who collect the rent.

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Funny, I can't see you anywhere downstairs.....

by gadgetgirl In reply to Medical Record Blunders

but you're obviously in the Patient Info office in here somewhere......

<hunting>



GG
]:)

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Look closer, I am the good looking one in the corner

by DadsPad In reply to Funny, I can't see you an ...
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oooh! <waves, frantically>

by gadgetgirl In reply to Look closer, I am the goo ...

yoo-hoo!

<says she driving away for the weekend, hidden behind sunspecs, visor and gadgets....>

;\

GG

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Bye, Bye

by DadsPad In reply to oooh! <waves, frantically ...

<waving back with smile>

I love having good looking girls waving at me, especially with sunspecs, visor and gadgets

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Moving Tree

by GSG In reply to Medical Record Blunders

I worked in Medical Records for years and came across a dictation by a doctor where he said, "the accident occurred when the dog tried to avoid the tree that ran in front of him turned the wheel and wrapped his car around the patient." I would have loved to have seen that one.

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Some doctor jokes 1

by DadsPad In reply to Medical Record Blunders

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

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Patient: Doctor, I've got five p@nises. Doctor: Well, how do your pants fit? Patient: Like a glove.

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Patient walks into a doctor's office. Patient: Doctor, people ignore me. Doctor: Next!

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Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and smoking, will I live longer? Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

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Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be 80. Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now. Doctor: See, what did I tell you.

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A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has intercourse. "Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says. The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday. "I can't," says the woman. "That's the only night I'm home with my husband."

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A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: "What are you doing here today?" Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it." Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25." The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center. Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?" Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."

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Some doctor jokes 2

by DadsPad In reply to Some doctor jokes 1

An elderly couple decide to have a baby, so they go to the doctor to get a physical examination of the wife. The wife is delared in perfect health, but the doctor says that he also would need to check the husband's ***** in order to accurately advise the couple. The husband is a bit taken aback, and says, "Listen, I'm getting old. I can only "do that" about once a week." The doctor answers that he understands perfectly and gives the couple a vial, telling the husband to come back next week with a ***** sample. The next week, the husband comes in with an empty vial. The perplexed doctor asks the husband what went wrong. The husband answers, "Well...I tried it with my right hand and I tried it with my left hand, I tried hot water, I tried cold water, I tried soap, my wife tried it with her hand, my wife even tried it with her mouth, I even tried banging it against the sink...but we still couldn't get the top off the damn bottle!"

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This guy goes into a doctors and says, "Doctor, doctor you've gotta help me. I just can't stop having sex!" "Well how often do you have it?" the doctor asks. "Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day," he answers back. "That's not so much," says the doctor. "Yes, but that's not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day," replies the man. "Well that is probably a bit excessive," says the doctor. "Yes, but that's not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day," says the man. "Well, that's definitely too much," says the doctor. "You've got to learn to take yourself in hand." "I do," says the man. "Twice a day."

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A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red 'H' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green 'M' on her chest. "Let me guess, you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Washington State. Why do you ask?"

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Doctor jokes 3

by DadsPad In reply to Some doctor jokes 2

This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench if from of a large pond. Across the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff. The wife turns to hubby and say, "I could really go for an ice cream cone." Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one." Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down." Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?" Wife says, "Get me a Strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles." Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember. Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns. The wife asks him, "What took you so long, did you get lost." The hubby replies, "No, and I got what you wanted." The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries?! Wife says, "I knew you you should have written the order down." Hubby says, "What do you mean - every thing is there?" To which the wife replies, "No, it's not...look, you forgot the pickles."

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It seems that this old couple are having trouble remembering things, so they sign up for a memory course. The course is wonderful; they come home and tell all their relatives, friends, and neighbors about it. Some months later, a neighbor approaches the man as he tends the garden. Neighbor asks, "Say, Ed, what was the name of the instructor of that memory course you liked so much?" Ed replies, "Well, it was...hmmm...let me think a minute... What's the name of that flower, you know, the one that smells so nice, but has thorns on the stems...? Neighbor says, "You mean a rose?" Ed replies, "Yeah, that's it...(turning toward his wife) Hey, Rose, what was the memory course instructor's name?

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An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "can you get pregnant from **** intercourse?" "Certainly," replies the doctor, "Where do you think lawyers come from?"

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A fellow goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have this problem that I am always f@rting all of the time. Although they don't smell, they do make loud noises, and it is affecting my social life." The doctor gives him some pills and asks him to return next week. He returns, and says, "Those pills did no good. In fact they made things worse. I still f@rt as much, but now they smell terrible." To which the doctor replies, "Good! Now that we have your nose working again, let's work on your f@rting."

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An extremely old man visits his doctor and tells him, "I need my sex drive lowered." The doctor, incredulous, says, "What?? You want your sex drive lowered??" To which the old man replies, "It's all in my head; I need it LOWERED!"

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What is the difference between an oral and a ****** thermometer? The taste.

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Last year, a guy went to a doctor because he was losing weight. He found out he had a tapeworm, and was instructed by the doctor to bring a muffin, a hotdog and a cookie with him on his next visit. When he was being examined the doctor shoved the muffin, the hotdog, and finally the cookie up the guy's a$$. The patient protested, but the doctor calmed him down, saying it was part of the therapy. This treatment continued for several weeks and every time the doctor shoved a muffin, a hotdog and a cookie up his a$$. Finally, after many visits, the Doctor instructed the patient to bring a muffin, a hotdog and a mallet for the next visit. The day arrived and this time the doctor shoved only the muffin and the hotdog up the patient's a$$. After a few minutes the tapeworm appeared out of his a$$hole and demanded, "Where's my cookie!?" WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!

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