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James' Rant of the Week - Bridal Showers

By JamesRL ·
So I normally don't pay much mind to such things, but my wife brought this one to my attention.

She has a friend who she is close to, who has helped us out in the past, and she is also friends with this person's daughter, who happens to be getting married.

The maid of honor is holding a bridal shower. Nothing wrong with that, my wife had several(my mom's community group had one because the members knew me all my life, so I had to make a token appearance).

But its the nature of the event that is disturbing. Instead of bringing whatever gift you feel is appropriate to the occasion, instead it will be one of those home shopping parties where the guests will buy the items demonstrated. They may buy some for the bride, and may buy some for themselves, and the maid of honor has assured the guests that all of the profits will go to a fund for the bride.

But my wife had been planning her own wedding gift - she makes quilts by hand. She doesn't mind giving a shower gift as well, but the idea of it being a commericial event just doesn't sit well.

Personally, I'm appalled, and I'm sure my mom, who taught me about etiquette and polite society would be too.

Is this common? Anyone else get worked up over things like this? Perhaps I'm just too old and old-fashioned.


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My darling bride didn't want a dog-and-pony show.

by CharlieSpencer In reply to Tackiness and bad taste k ...

It took an effort on my part to get her to upgrade to my parent's living room instead of the JOTP. No showers, no church, the only flowers were the ones in her hand (silk, and we display them on the mantel). Twelve people in attendance, all but two were blood relatives (one of those two was the minister). I can distinctly remember only three of the gifts: a shower curtain from one of my college professors; a set of Christmas ornaments from my mother's tennis partner; a crock pot from my co-workers. We still have the ornaments and the crock 25 years later.

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I was really disappointed when I found out

by jdclyde In reply to Tackiness and bad taste k ...

that a bridal shower was NOT a bunch of hot babes taking an actual shower together...

I figured something out of the shower scene in Porkeys or something....

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My one and only bridal shower

by JamesRL In reply to Tackiness and bad taste k ...

Was because the Women's Institute was holding it. These women knew me from the time I was born. My mother had belonged to the group before I was born, and had been president of it many times.

Clearly these women wanted to see me, as they were really giving to me, not my bride, who they had never met.

So I showed for 15 minutes and that was it. It was walking distance from my parents house, so I went back and had a beer.

I don't have a problem with showers, I had a baby shower for one of my staff - but I raised a ton of money, bought a token gift and gave them the rest in a gift card at Babies R Us. Seemed like the right way to handle it. Had cake and coffee and whatever.

Its not the showers, its the obligation. I was always taught that its rude to ask for a gift or even hint, that the giver should feel free to give whatever they want or nothing. The idea of a an obligation to go to buy some overpriced crap I wouldn't buy myself is too much. I was never planning on going to the event, but my wife is torn. It is of course up to her.



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by Shellbot In reply to James' Rant of the Week - ...

A shower is susposed to be a few of the girls and female relatives together to have a laugh.
Yes, customary to bring a small gift..
as in, kitchen towels..glassware etc..heck, even a bit of saucy lingerie

If I were her, I'd pick up a small item, wrap it prettily and take it along. She can "ohhh and ahh" at the items for sale and simply not buy anything.
Then give the handmade quilt for a wedding gift.

Asking people to buy a specific shower gift is ludicrus. These things are susposed to be fun..the most i was ever ASKED to bring to shower was a can of food with the label torn off..the bride gets them, and for the first while when she's "too tired" wink wink to cook, she susposed to just open a couple cans and dinner is served :)

A grilfriend once had one of these Ann summers parties, ya stuff and lingerie..but it was for the fun of it..not to buy stuff for the bride!!!!!!

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Oh good! I get to put on a Dear Abby hat!

by maxwell edison In reply to James' Rant of the Week - ...

Here's my Dear Abby answer.

It does seem that traditional events such as this are redefining themselves as time goes by. We can either go along with it or try to change it. Either way, someone might feel put out.

If your wife feels uncomfortable with the shower format, I would suggest that she simply send a note to the bride stating her regret that she cannot attend because of a conflicting engagement (perhaps something her husband had already arranged). There would also be nothing wrong with sending one of those quilts along with the note. In fact, that might be a very nice gesture.

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What I wonder

by jdclyde In reply to Oh good! I get to put on ...

is people that completely self absorbed to be as crude as to have this format, are they mature enough to appreciate how nice a hand made quilt?

I don't think they will, because it isn't store bought, so it is a wasted gift, and should be sent to ME instead! B-)

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to me: tacky

by jck In reply to James' Rant of the Week - ...

a) having friends to your tupperware/amway/herbalife/avon wedding shower is like inviting them to a charity event for retarded children, then bringing out your own retarded child as a guilt trip to get them to give more.

b) i'd just tell your wife to send the quilt and apologize in a note that you had prior arrangements...then LEAVE TOWN lol

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