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Late Friday Yuk.

By Oz_Media ·
Hands Across Iraq

Dear Mr. Blix,
Welcome to Iraq! It is so good of you and your Weapons Inspectors to visit my humble nation once again. My people are overjoyed to assist the totally neutral and gloriously impotent UN in serving their American Masters. I realize that many of you would much rather be touring the Third World for some magnificently ineffective do-nothing NGO, but alas you are here compromising your values on behalf of Western oil companies.

Before you wipe the blood from your hands and get down to the business of concocting reasons for the US to bomb us back to the stone ages of 19**, I thought I?d help reorient you to the ways of magical Baghdad with a few ?Dos? and ?Don?ts?.

DO:
Slavishly patronize Baghdad locals with chocolate bars and worthless Western baubles. Nothing ingratiates us more to intrusive throngs of chubby, sweaty, lobster-red warmongers then when they pass out meaningless trinkets to us Third World ?savages?. We will remember these tokens as we dance on your bleached bones. I joke!

DO:
Ignore my playful peoples penchant for recreational HAZMAT suit use. Moreover, ignore the glowing, three-tailed rats that are indigenous to Baghdad. While you?re at it, ignore the totally desolate warehouse full of rotting canisters at the corner of Saddam Is Great Avenue and Drown In Blood Yankee Dogs Boulevard.

DO:
Feel free to enter any building, factory, or hospital you desire. And while you?re busy violating my paranoid and fragile egos sovereignty, feel free to double-check the bedpans of the dying, gut the teddy bears of orphans, and pour into the dirt any and all bottles of weapons grade baby formula you might uncover.

DON?T:
Forget your high-tech Weapons of Mass Destruction Poking Sticks or Nintendo Gameboys at the hotel. We know that without these useless, aesthetic ?tools? you cannot unearth the make-believe stores of plutonium I don?t have hidden underneath my opulent Presidential Palaces that my people willed me to build for my own noble pleasures.

DON?T:
Ignore the cultural relativism we know you studied in your Liberal Arts Colleges. We humble Iraqis have a far different culture than the advanced West. Whereas you respect the differences between languages, cultures and value systems, I want to kill. Kill you, your family, friends, grammar school teachers, the Israelis, whole bunches of Saudis and just for good measure, my new yet treacherous-looking barber Adnan.

DON?T:
Mock our cherished Iraqi way of life. While you might think it barbaric and backward, our seemingly brutal governmental system is based on sound fascistic principles that have helped keep the majority of Arabs in splendid desolate squalor for decades.

I truly hope your stay here is a positive experience. I pray that those of you I do not like do not accidentally get caught in the crossfire of the invasion you are busy inventing!

In Me I Trust,
Saddam


>>>NOW NOW GUYS, RELAX, IT'S A JOKE! OKAY? Have a great weekend ALL!<<<

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Mr Asleep_at_the Wheel

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Oz is the real joke

May I suggest you return to you're prozac induced coma. in this area we like to have a bit of a laugh about things rather than the constant petty bickering that you can not seem to arise above.

If you were not lower than the adge of consent I might be a bit concerned about the way you carry on but isn't it now past you're bed time? So be a good little boy and go to bed now with you're half box of maxinum strength Prozac in you and perhaps we'll all see you again when you wake up next year and hopefully this time you will have got out of the right side of the bed instead of the current way you are carring on. What happened did you get up from the wrong side of the bed only to realise that there is a wall on that side and you fell to the ground?

You're attitude does not seem to have improved today so perhaps you are way overtied and need some more sleep but before you do that perhaps you should put a large bright Pink paint strip on the wall so the same thing doesn't happen agaon tomorrow!

Oh and do not forget you're prozac before going to sleep, I'm told if you wash them down with half a flagon of Scotch they work better.

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You?ve got to be kidding!

by mrbill- In reply to Oz is the real joke

Please tell me you are doing all this as some poor twisted joke and we can all laugh with you, and not at you as we currently are. You stated in another thread that you are Aussie, if this is true you should be ashamed of the way you are making those great folks look. I will be ashamed when we find out you are really a yank. If you want to be taken seriously you offer counter points to discussions, you do not call people names. If you disagree with Oz?s comments and constant American bashing you don?t call him a no good panty-waste, dog kissing goat loving nitwit who wouldn?t know a true historical fact if it bit him on his fat arse! You would point out the errors he makes in a calm and constructive manner. Constantly calling some ?boy? does not belittle them it only shows how small you are.

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That's soem pretty funny stuff mrbill.

by Oz_Media In reply to You?ve got to be kidding!

I appreciate your sticking up for the name of Australia AND America, people like that give the rest of you a bad name.

I realy enjoyed your little indirect personal slam against me though, it was so nicely added to your post. Feel any better now?

I can accept that from you for the most part, I have been quite verbal about my thoughts on GWB and the followers that he has. For this is say touche, well done.

You may have noticed lately that the Pro-American propaganda has slowed, as has my Anti-American slander. The two go together you see. I've said a thousand times, I have no problem with people being proud of thier country and proud of thier government. Just don't go telling the rest of the world they suck, while waving YOUR flag, it is not accepted by anyone in ANY country.

Most people will turn a blind eye, knowing this is a common attitudfe heard from many US citizens, but I don't, as you have noticed.

We can all play together in peace and harmony as long as we respect each others pride and don't try to make them feel that they are at a loss for not being you.

Not bad huh? I didn't even slam you!

Have a good one Bill.
OM

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Thanx Oz...

by mrbill- In reply to That's soem pretty funny ...

Thank you for not being offended and seeing it in the light hearted way it was intended. People like Asleep? who attack instead of countering with a discussion do not help.

Yes I was surprised to not see a counter slam. Getting mellow in your advancing years huh? I?m just getting grumpier.

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I go 'off-air' for a couple of months....

by GuruOfDos In reply to Oz is the real joke

And when I get back, what happens? I look at two discussions and in both of them, some jumped up little **** is having a go at another member!

Not only that, but it's not funny, not clever, not witty, not based on any genuine grounds for disagreement and certainly not calculated, considered or lucid.

I have a dig at Oz now and again. I think I have a right to. I have participated in many discussions with Oz and other members over many, many months, years even, and have taken the time and the effort to weigh their opinions, consider all the points of view and look at all the angles. Likewise, those members who know me and know 'where I am coming from' have earned the right to dispute my comments or to take me to task over MY views and opinions. I'm not always RIGHT and neither is Oz, but we never claim to be guardians of the 'absolute truth'. We simply tell it the way we feel it, and allow others to agree, disagree or remain neutral, impartial, bored or disinterested.


YOU, HOWEVER, ARE JUST BEING A TOTAL ****-NUTS AND SHOULD GO BACK TO THE THIRD GRADE WHERE YOU BELONG!!!!!

Asleep at the wheel? I think not, small puppy. More like 'fallen off your tricycle'

Now be a good little boy and go home to Mummy and take your Ritalin. Perhaps she gives a damn about your opinions.

We don't.

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So let me guess

by Oz_Media In reply to I go 'off-air' for a coup ...

This was a good day?

Wow,wouldn't like to feel your wrath on a bad day.

Thanks fro the support, but I don't want you to get yourself in trouble over this idiot.

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Oz old son....

by GuruOfDos In reply to So let me guess

One day is pretty much the same as every other nowadays! It's all nappies (diapers), drooling and seemingly constant feeding and whining...and that's just the people I work with!

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Nappies?

by Oz_Media In reply to Oz old son....

Thanks for the translation, I haven't changed enough of them yet to know what nappies are. ;-)

Actually, what's funny is an old Fijian friend on mine who's family always asks for nappies (napkins) at the dinner table, I still chuckle all these years later, for some retarded reason.
Then again, I chuckle at waking up in the morning, weeeeee! Another Day!!!

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