General discussion


marriage in this day and age

By Lumbergh77 ·
Somebody sent me the links to the following 2 websites:

They paint a really bleak picture of marriage today.

I've always thought that it would be cool to someday find a good girl and get married. I'm not so optimistic about my chances of finding the one. I'm in my late 20s and it seems that most of the women my age around here are either single mothers, obese, divorced, smokers, or drink/party too much. I can't seem to find anyone that I would want to date, let alone live with for decades.

It seems that marriage is a HUGE risk for a guy these days considering that more than half end in divorce. The laws seem to favor the women and the men are financially screwed. There are lots of marriages that end merely because the woman is no longer happy and "emotionally fulfilled". This kind of stuff didn't happen 50 years ago.

How many of you guys are happily married? Unhappily married? Or single by choice?

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by jck In reply to A closed mind

I wouldn't condone what she'd done...but, I wouldn't immediately assume she was going to do it to me. I'd probably ask her why she did it first.

However, I wouldn't lie to her and tell her I still trust her as much as I did before.

And yes, I hate cheating...flat out. And, you'll never hear me say it's okay...ever. I might say I can't blame someone...but, I'll never say it was okay...there's always divorce.

But, I'd have her explain the whole situation. Maybe she got married at 15 or 16 cause she was pregnant and was pushed by family? Who knows?

Now...if it was her whorin around...I don't just mean single incident, drunk at a party kinda thing...but that she was sleeping with anyone who pulled out his unit...then...I'd totally turn.

Of course, what woman would tell you that kinda thing unless you're asking for qualifications? (that's humour btw...)

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very immature?

by Lumbergh77 In reply to A closed mind

How would you like it if I called you "immoral" because you went through a divorce? Not that you are but that's just as ignorant as calling me immature for my opinion.

I'm a responsible, hard working citizen (don't smoke, not too much drinking, work hard, keep in shape, educate myself, not a burden on others, etc). Mommy and Daddy didn't pay for me to go away to school for 4 years to party. I worked 2 jobs to put myself through school in my late teens/early 20s. Not that it's a great accomplishment because many others have done it. But don't you DARE call me immature because I expect the same responsibility/work ethic of a partner as I have. I'm not a burden on my fellow man. And I don't expect others to pay for my mistakes.

I agree that drug addicts, drunks, thiefs, and violent people ARE valid reasons to judge people. But just because one isn't a thief or drug addict doesn't mean they'll make a suitable partner. When it comes to marriage, you can damn well bet that I will judge somebody for irresponsible and promiscuous behavior. And be DAMNED SURE that it's somebody I'm willing to spend the rest of my life with.

It's okay to be open minded but sometimes ya gotta use common sense.

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drago, an explanation

by jdclyde In reply to A closed mind

First, am I correct that you are in your early to mid twenties? MANY men have said the same thing you have said, and they change as they grow older. Won't convice you of this now, but think back on this in ten years and send me an email when you see things differently. :)

No one said anything about your CHARACTER, which is very different from having real life experiences that change (and scar) us all. Never knocked your work ethics, or your educations. Was not meant as an attack or even a bad thing. Again, even my statement and the way it was recieved WILL make sence to you in about ten years.

Immoral for going through a divorce. I AM going through a divorce. I go to court next Monday, matter of fact. My wife fell in love with someone else and left me. (The ugly details are in my divorce discussion you might have seen mentioned in the "too hot for TR" a few months back.) What would a "moral" man do when his wife leaves him, in a state that has "no-fault" divorces so she doesn't need my concent?

I now have 13 year old twin boys that I have joint custody of. Was I irrisponsible or do something wrong to end up with children? Even after I found out she was leaving me, I was never "promiscuous". after she left me, I have had a few drinks with women, but have not had sex with anyone but my wife in over 15 years.

All of this would make me a bad person?

Not every single mother was some crack-***** that got knocked up. Many are very good people that have (like me) found themselves in a bad situation and are trying to make the best of it.

Judge, but don't generalize is what I am trying to say. There is a lot more to the story often.

Did not mean to offend, but completely understand how it was taken that way. Not all kids of single parents are "mistakes".

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by ITgirli In reply to Agreed

I don't want to have any other kids myself, but I would prefer that if I found a guy, that he would be satisfied with having my son as a child or come with his own. I really don't want to put my body through the stress of maternity and labor again. Though I would like to be a foster parent someday.

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That is admirable

by maecuff In reply to yeah

I can handle the kids we have and one goldfish and that's about it. It's good that people who really CARE about children want to take care of them, I think there are too many people who take on foster kids to get the government assistance.

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I want foster kids

by ITgirli In reply to yeah

So I don't have to get fat again, so I'm not sure if it a more noble thing.

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by maecuff In reply to yeah

I guess if the outcome is that a child is loved and cared for, the original reason for doing so doesn't matter all that much.

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The point is

by jdclyde In reply to yeah

You would want another child to love and care for, not the method you would go about to get that child.

There is NOTHING wrong with wanting another child, but not wanting to go through child birth again yourself, especially when there are so many kids out there already that so desperately need ANYONE to love.

Don't sell yourself short.

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alrighty then

by Lumbergh77 In reply to Agreed

I'll tell my Godson that I will have nothing further to do with him because MAECUFF said so.

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Don't be ridiculous

by maecuff In reply to alrighty then

What I'm saying is, if you have such an attitude about single mothers then it IS probably best that you stay away from them. Unless it's your godsons mother that you wish to date?

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