General discussion


marriage in this day and age

By Lumbergh77 ·
Somebody sent me the links to the following 2 websites:

They paint a really bleak picture of marriage today.

I've always thought that it would be cool to someday find a good girl and get married. I'm not so optimistic about my chances of finding the one. I'm in my late 20s and it seems that most of the women my age around here are either single mothers, obese, divorced, smokers, or drink/party too much. I can't seem to find anyone that I would want to date, let alone live with for decades.

It seems that marriage is a HUGE risk for a guy these days considering that more than half end in divorce. The laws seem to favor the women and the men are financially screwed. There are lots of marriages that end merely because the woman is no longer happy and "emotionally fulfilled". This kind of stuff didn't happen 50 years ago.

How many of you guys are happily married? Unhappily married? Or single by choice?

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I'm close

by jck In reply to Maybe you should just wai ...

I am 36 now...I've never had a long-term, serious relationship (nothing over 6 months), I've never lived with anyone (in a non-familial way), and I've never bought a ring.

I could read ya a list of stories...from the stripper I the girl who first broke my heart when I was 18...but...that's all being saved for my autobiography "My story: how womankind made me the Swill I am!!!"

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Everything has its own reason

by Ken_shin In reply to lookin vs. going blind

By now, you're just on the midst of struggling of looking for someone Ms. Right. Remember, there is a time for everything. Wait for your own time and Im sure that the best will be yours sooner or later

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Not married

by Tony Hopkinson In reply to marriage in this day and ...

Twenty years last xmas

Why spoil a good relationship?

Course the law, would still be in her favour, fifty years ago it wasn't. No fairer then than it is now, 'With all my worldly goods' gets taken seriously now, and if you want a pre-nuptial agreement you shouldn't be getting spliced in the first place.

Love pales, beauty fades, trust lasts until you break it.

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by firestar1 In reply to Not married

Beauty may fade and trust can be broken, but if your love fades then I don't think you have ever truely been in love. I married once when I was young and foolish, it didn't last. Been in love but once and that love has never faded. I always thought I would marry again, but the events of life never seemed to permit. One day it seemed I woke up and found life had passed by so quickly, and now I am a few years shy of 50 and alone. Don't be so quick to shun marriage. One day you too may wake up and find yourself alone.

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It's not easy

by mjd420nova In reply to marriage in this day and ...

It is truly a partnership and has to be worked
at to keep it going smoothly. All marriages
are tested in the first few years as each must
learn the others habits, likes and dislikes and
how to respect those of the other. It hasn't been smooth sailing and with two adult children
still in the home, I am longing for the days
of when we were first married as I now know
what to do. It only took 35 years but I think
I got the hang of it now.

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I met my wife

by Neil Higgins In reply to It's not easy

in hospital,would you believe.I'd been attacked by what I shall term "a drug fuelled moron" who stole my car,and put me six weeks in care.She was one of the nurses who helped me back to full health.Once "fit",we stayed in touch and it developed from there.That was fifteen years ago.We now have a five year old son.Marriage is'nt easy,it has to be worked out.Yes,we've had our rows,and days where we have'nt spoken to each other for twenty minutes :),but we both earn a living,dont have to live out of each others pockets,and hopefully,we shall see old age together.Neither of us are saints,but we dont smoke,and like to stay as healthy as we can.We struggle with finances like everyone else,and I have to admit,both of us have close friends,who would'nt go near a marriage licence,but we are happy,and that's all that matters.

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Some simple facts

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to marriage in this day and ...

In Western Society there are more females than males so if everyone is supposed to grow up get married and live happily ever after there are going to be a lot of frustrated women around.

Women tend to live longer then men because they are needed longer where as the male is disposable once the procreation bit has been got out of the way and the offspring paid for so he can die off very early in the piece particularly if there is a big Life Insurance Policy in place he is superfluous by then.

Now for the real facts of life children are a Royal Pain in the backside and horrendously expensive into the bargain no person in their right mind would have any as they just cost way too much. The current figures that where released here recently was it cost about $1 Million AU to raise a child to the end of his/her education and that didn't include University or Higher Education which only adds to the bill.

You never want to get involved with a "Good Girl" it's far more fun to find a very bad girl and shack up with her for fun and run away as soon as she mentions the word children/kids or anything even remotely close to those. If you do this the excess women will soon realize that they have a good thing and work at keeping it rather than being left with all the excess women wondering "What If?"

The reality of life is that you may have at best a few years of peace and quite after marriage to attempt to learn to live together before kids come along and then you have no peace or privacy you are constantly subject to the wishes of the child who runs rings around you from the moment of conception and it only gets worse as they get older. At first it will be attending School Sports Days and Meeting the Teachers and then your weekends will disappear as you chase around after your children in the name of taking them where they want to go and they spy on you at every opportunity. In a recent case here a child rang the Police and reported his father for hurting his mother after being told all about physical abuse at preschool of course when the Police kicked the door in to save the woman she was enjoying one of the very rare sexual encounters with her husband so the Police made a strategic withdrawal and of course the mood was lost not to mention the damage that had been done to the building. Actually in that case the lost mood was far more important. :)

Then when they are supposed to be adults they remain at home because it is far cheaper for them than moving out to fend for themselves and they take every opportunity to run you ragged all over again but this time it isn't confided to just running around during the day for them they will call you out in the middle of the night to come pick them up because the have

1 run out of money and can not get home,

2 crashed the car which they didn't tell you they where borrowing and need a ride home after writing off your car,

3 if they have their own car they will crash it hundreds of miles away and still expect you to come pick them up and return the next day to rescue their car,

4 they will want you to then either repair the Bloody Car that they have crashed or at the very least pay for the necessary repairs,

5 they will go on a round the world trip because you haven't been charging them any rent and they have saved all of their money to spend on themselves and within the first week they will be ringing you asking for more money as they have run out. They always promise to repay you but for some reason seem to forget.

I could go on and on it just isn't worth the grief that children bring and this is a view shared by both of my adult children as the youngest is now nearing 30 and doesn't want any children as they will cramp her style way too much.

My only goal in life is to live long enough to be as bigger problem to my children when I'm older as what they where to me when they well as they have been up till now. :^O

Col ]:)

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LOL Hal!

by firestar1 In reply to Some simple facts

I can relate to most if not all of what you are saying. I couldn't help but laugh! I have a son in his early 20's much like the kid you described. Won't it be fun when we are seniors and senile, needing care from our children. The thought of it makes me smile (mischieviously.) :)

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the change occurred

by Surflover In reply to marriage in this day and ...

(at least in the US) 65 years ago when women joined the workforce en mas to support the manufacturing need of WWII. After the war, many continued working even though their husbands returned home (and many whose husbands did not)... This created the 2 income household, which many have blamed for the deterioation of the traditional family system... as other have implied, people were not "permitted" to divorce prior to WWII (it did occurr, but was rare)...

e.g. when I was young, my uncle and aunt got divorced, I was visiting my grandmother and great grandmother, who were very proper, and very conservative (in their 70's and 90's respectively at that time)... when the topic of the divorce came up in conversation, both women became very disgusted, and my Great grandmothers comment was "what is this world coming too?, if they couldn't get along why didn't they just cheat like everyone else"... this shocked me at the time (I was about 10)... but I think there must've been a lot of truth in the statement

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Many Years

by TheChas In reply to marriage in this day and ...

My wife and I have been together for over 29 years now.

Both of our parents for more than 50.

Out of 6 married siblings, only 2 other couples are still together. At 3 out of 7, our family is on the low side of the averages.

The biggest difference between the 4 broken relationships and the 3 strong ones, is mutual respect for the partners. Plus, none of the 3 rushed to the alter.

A marriage is like a delicate flower. Both partners need to WORK constantly at keeping the relationship alive and growing.

Couples in the US divorce at such a high rate as it is much easier to end a relationship than to maintain it.

Further, I would suggest that for most marriages that end in divorce after less than 5 years, the couple should never have gotten married in the first place.

You stated that you can't find a potential mate that meets your requirements.

Where are you looking?

If you want to find a quality person, you need to look in quality places.

Schools, churches, service organizations, activity groups and such, are the kind of places where you are most apt to find a person with values and integrity. Just make sure that you yourself share the same values as the ones you are searching for.

Honestly evaluate the type of person you want to be, and be with. Then immerse yourself in related activities and over time, you will find someone who shares your desires.


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