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  • #2190551

    My UnKnown Blog

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    by joeaaa22 ·

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    • #3053960

      Comments on the (First) Turkish GP

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      There were some interesting happenings and one major gift at this first ever GP race in Turkey. I’m not up to going through the race, unfortunately. You can get the info and interviews at the official Formula 1 site. I’ll try and be back with my commentary for Monza next weekend.

    • #3053961

      Back to school

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      School starts next week, after the holiday. I knew it was coming but it really snuck up on me anyway. So now I have to get us both back into the school schedule. Today isn’t going so well as it’s already 1:30 hours after someone’s bedtime and he’s still up. He’s not all to blame, though. I didn’t exactly do the best I could have at getting him in bed in the first place. But something extraordinary happened and I couldn’t let it go.

      Sometimes, when we get ready for bed, my son will ask questions about life, the world, people, whatever. They are pretty good questions and I try and answer them as honestly as I can. Tonight we started out talking about math. Multiplication and division, specifically. He known that any number divided by 1 is itself and that any number divided by itself is one. He’ll be starting 3rd grade so it’s good to talk about these kind of things. Anyway, while talking about division I told him about dividing by zero. Anything divided by 0 is not 0 or even nothing. It just isn’t. He kinda understood this in a general way. I then commented that black holes were where the universe divided by zero. This started a discussion on quantum physics.

      Seriously. No, at 8 years old he doesn’t have the knowledge or experience to understand the specifics of a discussion on how black holes work and the fundamental aspects of gravity wells and all that. However, when he was explaining it back to me (he used an analogy to a Danny Phantom episode; how cute is that!) it was clear that he was following what I was saying quite well. I used to have discussions like this with his mother and he’s catching on quicker than she did. OC, she had a big handicap to get past so it’s understandable that she didn’t get it all on the first few passes anyway. Still, for an 8 year old just going into 3rd grade I thought he did a splendid job of it. Maybe he’ll have a love for math like I had. Or even a knack for the sciences like his Pap Pap, my father, had.

      You know, of all the classes I ever took in school, from K through a second semester of university, the most fun and enjoyment I ever got from a class was Calc II. The concept of imaginary numbers and infinite infinities is pure heaven.

    • #3053962

      Still can’t sleep!!!

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Goddamn motherfucking shit-ass son-of-a-goddamn-fucking-bitch insomnia! I want to

      SLEEP

      !!!!!

    • #3053958

      Little lost boy

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      There’s a song by Styx called “Man in the Wilderness” (off of The Grand Illusion album) which occasionally represents my state in this reality. I can definitely say that it makes no sense at all.

      The problem is, as the song says, I am drifting with the tide. There’s things I could/should be doing but I’m letting them just go along their merry way untouched. This isn’t a good state to be in, however. Being washed along the river of life, letting it just toss you into whatever comes along (look out for that bolder!) isn’t living. It’s just existing. There are a number of external reasons I’m in this state but the biggest reason is inside me. I’m nearly paralyzed with fear. Fear of what? Let’s see…

      I’m afraid of making any move that will change my situation with respect to my son. I’m not in a position to afford any legal help. Being in my present situation I fear that my son will be taken away from me if I don’t stay under the radar. There’s also his mother. Every time anything happens, anything at all, she gets all paranoid and accuses me of trying to take him from her. I have absolutely no intention of ever, ever, EVER taking him away from her. She’s a pain in the ass but she’s his mother and she loves him. And he loves her, just as it should be. But by not wanting to cause any kind of tremors with her I am not doing things that would be better for my son and myself.

      There are other fears but right now I just decided to pass over them. After writing the above it put things in a better focus and the rest of the fear is now virtually irrelevant. Oh, there is the whole relationship thing. That’s not quite irrelevant. But it’s not as big an issue as I seem to think it is. That part is just fear of being alone. I come from a big family with an Italian heritage. My desire was to have a family in that same mold. Even though the possibility of this actually happening is nil, I still hold onto it. See my rantings on my current girlfriend. The odds of a relationship with her are, well, let’s say very slim and leave it at that. But this is a secondary issue right now.

      And so we come to my greatest roadblock. The pain. If you have never had chronic pain it’s hard to describe. But after 10 or 12 years of it you get so worn down that you don’t do anything because it might make it hurt more. I say hurt more because you always hurt. Not like a bee sting or a sprained ankle. It’s an over whelming pain that occupies the biggest part of your consciousness. And that’s on a good day. You see why it becomes the #1 thought of every instant of every day and night. “If I do this will it make the pain worse?” This question is invoked for everything you do. Everything. When I go to get up out of a chair the first thing that happens is I do an internal cost/benefit analysis of getting up.

      • If I get up will it hurt more?
      • Will it hurt just a little more or a lot more?
      • Why do I need to get up?
      • Is that reason worth the pain that will be endured?

      This is the process that happens for every movement I do. It even happens when I go to use the remote to change the channel on the TV. If you can imagine living like this for over a decade then you might have some idea of what I have to contend with. Just the fact that I got out of bed this morning is an achievement on the scale of climbing Mt. Everest.

      That’s the situation. If I do anything I risk losing my son and I will incur significant pain doing it. So I don’t do anything.

      And that’s got to stop.

      But how?

    • #3053959

      Death to all Bush haters!

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      The other day I was watching an old-school “adult movie” (Candy Stripers, 1978) and it brought up something I’ve been wondering for a while now. When, and more importantly how, did shaving off all your pubic hair become all the rage? I’ve heard a number of different reasons but they are all ridiculous. I can understand a woman wanting to keep the bikini line trim, but completely bald just doesn’t make sense. At least not to me. If I were ever with a shaved woman I would be turned-off by it. It’s to much like child molesting or something. Hopefully this will just be a cycle and bush will make a comeback. Of course, by the time it does I’ll either be dead or to old to care. <sigh>

      And you thought this was going to be a political rant.

    • #3065684

      Minor break

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      As it happens, school has started and I have a brand-spankin’ new 3rd grader to have fun with. That plus the fact that I hosed my main system1 will make blogging a little more sporadic. I have the bulk of the “Comments on the Italian GP” done, just got to find them. They are at Spa tomorrow (Sunday) so I might end up posting both of them on the same day. I’ll tell you this much, Monza was fabulous. A real fun race to watch.

      I also have a girlfriend who’s doing her best to have a heart attack or stroke that I need to try and calm down. $DEITY, why do (some) women have to go out of there way to add stress to their lives? You’d think they’d be happy what what life brings them. Oh well…

      1 There”s an old saying; If it ain’t broke, hack/tweak/thrash/reconfig it ’till it is. At least that’s the techie way.

    • #3057285

      Comments on the Italian GP

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Wow! What a race. First off, Kimi qualifies fastest by a good margin but gets penalized 10 places on the starting grid due to an engine change (stupid rule). This puts JP and Alonso in P1 and P2. Another interesting thing was that Antonio Pizzonia was starting in place of Nick Heidfeld due to the latter being under the weather. Pizzonia hadn’t been in a car for 3 months yet was called up on Saturday to race on Sunday. He started 16th on the grid but brought his Williams-BMW in at 7th place.. Additionally this was the first time that all the cars were running at the end of a race since 1960-something, not counting that sham of a race at Indy. That’s not to say there weren’t some bumps and bruises along the way. Especially the first turn. But the real action was in the strategies. Unknown to everyone outside of McLaren-Mercedes he was running on a very heave full load. The plan was for him to have a one stop race. After being held up by slower traffic for a good many laps he was able to push his car up to 2nd behind JP. He then went in for his one and only scheduled pit. After taking on a good load of fuel he came back out in 5th but looking very good as all the others in front of him would have to pit sometime. Unfortunately for him his left rear tire decided it didn’t want to play anymore. It started to come apart on the past tread so three laps he had to pit for a tire change. This dropped him back to 14th and from then on he was out of contention for winning. The real fun came a few laps later when JP’s left rear started degrading in the exact same way as Kimi’s. The team knew that if they brought him in it would be all over as there were less than 15 laps left. So JP stuck it out and kept on going. He had a large enough lead so that he was able to back off and still win the race. Alonzo, though, was charging like a madman. he ended up just behind JP at the flag. This extended his lead in the drivers championship but the McLaren boys cut into the team championship and look in a very good position for Spa the next weekend.

    • #3059700

      Comments on the Belguim GP

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Ah Spa. There’s nothing like it. Rain, rain and then, wait? No, just more rain. The weekend was like a scene from Noah’s days as the teams did their best to qualify in a torrential downpour. Come race time the rain let up but the track was still quite wet. Just about everyone went out on intermediates and the changing climate conditions rule was put into effect so teams could change tired as needed/desired. This would cause some teams & drivers some heartburn later on.

      The front row of the grid was all McLaren as JP and Kimi went 1 and 2. Giancarlo Fisichella qualified in P3, two positions ahead of Alonso but was docked the 10 places for an engine change. This put Trulli and Alonso on the second row. The third row was all Schumacher as Ralf nipped his big brother by 0.075s.

      When the race started there was water all over the track but after a few laps the upper part started drying out quickly. This led to some teams trying a gamble and putting slicks on. It was disastrous. The lower part of the track was still quite flooded. Every car that tried the dry weather tires ended up sliding all over the place. They’d come back in after a lap or two to put the intermediates back on. Again, this would prove to be a crucial aspect of the race finish.

      As the race went on the McLaren boys went away and opened a gap quite early, per norm. It wasn’t a mega-gap due to conditions. Alonso got around Jarno and was happily tooling along in third. But Giancarlo was driving like nothing I’d seen in a while. Within a few laps he was up into 9th and pushing to get into the points. It all looked very good until he caught the curb at the top of Eau Rouge on lap 11. Bam! Into the wall. He was not a happy camper.

      Later on Ralf had worked his way into 2nd place and was looking great ripping off fast lap after fast lap. But when he went in for his scheduled pit stop someone had the bright idea to try sending him back out on slicks. After sliding all over the place for one lap he came back for another tire change and that put him out of the running for the day.

      The tire gamble would also cost Michael a finish. Taku was on slicks and lost it going into one of the S’s. He plowed into the mack of Michael taking them both out. Michael was not pleased with this at all. He jumped out of his car and read the riot act to Taku ending up with a slap to Taku’s helmet visor.

      Towards the end of the race it was looking good for both McLaren and Alonso s they were running 1 & 2 (Kimi & JP) while he was happily in third. It would mean McLaren would take the lead in the constructors championship while keeping Kimi just a little farther away from catching Alonso for the drivers cup. But then another FUBAR on dries. Antonio Pizzonia was trying to keep from being lapped by JP when he lost it and took them both out with only three laps to go. This gave Alonso 2nd and fairly shut the door on Kimi’s chances. Alonso could become the youngest F1 champion in history in Brazil. All he needs is 6 points over the last three races and it’s done.

    • #3059073

      Mail programs are annoying

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      I’m changing back to Evolution for my mail program. I had been using Thunderbird for quite a while but it just became to difficult to mess with. Don’t get me wrong. I like T-bird much more than Evolution but the way that things tend to be setup by default in the current distros tends to force your hand. This has gotten me to thinking about email and the different mail programs I’ve used over the years.

      My first real email program was something called PROFS that ran on the mainframe. It was supposed to be something like Groupware but it just sucked. Once I started using Linux in 1991 I became a pine user. And a very happy pine user I was, too. I continued to use pine up until the fall of 2001. Then I switched to Evolution. I didn’t want to switch but it was just easier switch than to try and get Outlook/Outlook Express users to use a decent, standards based email client. Well, I used Evolution for a while but every time they would release an update for it the program would become more and more like Outlook. Thus is became more and more useless as an email client. When Evolution 2.x was released I’d finally had enough. It was time to try T-bird. I made th change in early 2004. At first it was a little squirrelly but once I found some of the plug-ins I was happily wailing along. Until I upgraded to Fedora Core 4.

      It seems that in the quest to make Linux into a “desktop” OS the vendors and distro development teams are working very hard to make Linux look-n-feel as much like MS-Windows as possible. Thus there are all kinds of default setting that have everything all setup for you before you even finish the install. FC4 defaults to the GNOME desktop environment and with that, all the app bindings are preset for you. The significant app binding is the one between Firefox and Evolution. I had setup T-bird and was all set but whenever I clicked a mailto: link on a page it would start up Evolution. Unfortunately the wonderful F-fox plug-in MozEX has not been updated for a while and is incompatible with the version of F-fox. There’s another plug-in called Launchy that is supposed to do the same thing but it doesn’t seem to want to work at all for me. So, it was back to Evolution for me.

      There are a ton of other email clients out there. KMail, Sylpheed, Mutt, Balsa plus a ton of other options. I just wish someone would make a mail program that would do what I want it to do.

    • #3072635

      Lots of stuff

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      $DEITY it’s late. Not so much the hour as the time. Since it’s been a while I thought I’d throw up (upchuck?) a quick update.

      I need to post my comments on the Brazilian Grand Prix. The summery is that Fernando Alonso came in third but won the drivers championship to become the youngest driver champion in GP history. He’d just turned 24 a short while ago. God how I hate young kids. 😛

      I did get setup to start acupuncture in a few days. What the hell, can’t hurt. Been weaning off of the meds as much as possible. Got one down (Elavil) and am starting on a second (Ultram). They also found that I have some fairly non-trivial arthritis in my neck at C2 & C3. Now I know why I can’t turn my head as far as it used to go.

      I’m going to call the shrink and make an appointment with the therapist. I don’t know if I’m depressed or not (Wellbutrin ROCKS!) but I’m having a seriously difficult time keeping my thoughts straight. I can’t stop obsessing over Asian women and women’s feet (especially Asian womens feet). Yes, I have what normally is a healthy foot fetish (just like looking; no stomping or other stuff) but now I’m going out of my way to try and spot even the slightest flash of a woman in sandals or barefoot. With winter coming I’m going to be without for a while. It’s almost as bad with Asian women.

      Part of that might be due to the fact that any potential long-term relationship with my Chinese girlfriend has evaporated to 0.001% now. She’d be all for it if I were rich or even just had a job with a fair income. I can’t see me finding any woman of any race, creed or color at this point. I fail all cost/benefit analysis’s. Old, broken-down cripple-boy with no job, high debt and a young son. Oh yea, if I were a single professional woman I’d be just begging to get it on with someone like me.

      My son is the one bright spot in the universe. He is doing much better in grade 3 this year. Still having trouble keeping quiet and controlling his impulses but no where near what 2nd grade was like.

      There’s much more but I’m to tired to remember anything else. All I need is a break. Just one small break and I could start rebuilding. But the only break in my future is the ground cracking to swallow me up whole.

      “What do you do when your falling you’ve got 30 degrees and your stalling out
      And its 24 miles to the beacon there’s a crack in the sky and the warnings out”
      […]
      “The traffic controller is calling Victor Juliet your identity
      I have lost in the violet storm communicate or squawk emergency”

      Twenty credits to anyone who can tell me the name and artist.

    • #3065948

      this is cool

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      This is cool!

      Youknow, back in the day there was an attempt to create ApplicationService Providers where servers would host the normal office apps thatpeople use. This way they didn;t have to manage this part oftheir IT infrastructure. While this idea didn’t actually fail, itdidn’t pick up outside of some special virtical markets. But now,with AJAX, this idea could become a reality. One app. Oneserver. Dozens (hundreds?) of users. No per-seatlicenses. I reiterate –

      This is cool!


      {The above is a document that I created on Zoho Writer. It’s a web based word processor made possible by the use of AJAX You can go to the site and try a demo. It’s worth a look.}

    • #3070308

      Comments on the Brazilian GP

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Late as usual.

      As far as races go it was a fairly uneventful race. There was some fun at the start as a few of the drivers decided to play pinball but after that it was fairly quiet. Kimi, JP and Alonso jumped into 1st, 2nd & 3rd right off the bat and they would finish in the same order. This made Fernando Alonso the youngest Driver Champion in Formula 1 history. He’d just turned 24 a few weeks earlier. The 1-2 finish for McLaren (the first of the year, if you can believe it) did help them get a slightly better handle on the Drivers Championship but it’s still a two horse race as Renault is not backing down.

      Tomorrow we will see what kind of fun Suzuka will have in store for us.

    • #3060132

      Comments off

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      I am turning off comments indefinitely as the comment spam was starting to get noticeably annoying. For those that do post with anything decently relevant to say <koff>
      “Erik!” <koff> I will make a workaround or something.

    • #3071588

      Killzone

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Man, I am totally hooked on this game. I need to get the PS2 connected so I can play online. It’s funny but I was never a big fan of FPS’s as they all seemed to be variations on a theme (run, kill, die, respawn, repeat) but this game has some good play involved in the Campaign mode. The Arcade mode has the requisite deathmatch, etc. options but they tend to get boring after a while. The story part of this game is good. It’s challenging enough to keep you interested yet not so obscure that you need a 6 volume tome to get through it (can you say Myst?) Anyway, my son and I are most of the way through it. I spent 6 hours,total, on it today and will likely spend a few more tomorrow. If the language were toned down a bit and there was a little less blood it’d be a great game for kids, but as it stands now, I can’t in good conscience let my 8 year old son play it alone.

      Well, that’s all for now. I still need to get the Japanese Grand Prix comments up. I should at least get them online before the Chinese race on Sunday. But don’t hold your breath.

    • #3045403

      Exploading sinuses

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      You know, there are days where you feel like shit. then there are days when you feel like 30-day old dried up shit from a long drought. This morning I got some good old fashioned shit. Somewhen I picked up a bug and now I have a fever and sore throat along with tremendous sinus congesting. When your head feels it’s going to explode from all the pressure. All this does, of course, is exacerbate the FM symptoms to the point where I can not walk or sit for very long nor can I do anything requiring much “cognitive” capacity. As long as my head is plugged up and I’m taking medicating I’ll be useless. Once things clear up I’ll post the comments on the Japanese and Chinese Grand Prix races. Maybe.

    • #3046012

      Braindamage?

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      About a week ago I was playing on the couch with my son. We were just pseudo-wrestling (basically I lie there while he jumps on me) and sometime during the fun his hear hit mine. Right over the right eyebrow. Simply put, he knocked me cold. I was only out for a minute ’cause he thought I was joking and jumped on my stomach. When I’m prepared for it I can still withstand something like that once or twice week, but 100% unprepared? Not even if I was awake. It did have the side effect of waking me, though.

      Since then I have been having troubles not FM related. I can’t stay awake (day or night) nor can I keep my thoughts organized. I know I’m forgetful but not like this! Hell, I’ve fallen out three times since I started thus message, My ever caring and wise mother said I should have gone to the doctor right away in-case I had a concussion, I probably should have done so. Probably.

      Today I spent the vast majority of time either sleeping or wandering around delirious. Things have been settled down since around 5pm but that doesn’t mean anything. My next acupuncture appointment is Tuesday so I hope I’m over this enough to drive up there. Even right now I’m fighting it hard.

      A lot of this could be mental, as in psychological. Last tie I was wandering off delirious it was helped when i went t the shrink. I just need to get a hold of someone up there to make an appointment.

      Besides delirium, passing out and sleepwalking my head is very much in pain. It’s like there’s a layer of metal between my brain and skull. A hot metal that burns whenever I try to use it or it gets shaken (Ike a sneeze).

    • #3043538

      On target

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Every day dictionary.com sends em a word-o-the-day. Most of them I know, I happen to have an above average vocabulary which I got from reading (primarily S&FS), but every so often I get a good one I hadn’t know or remembered. Todays word is

      loquacious \loh-KWAY-shuhs\, adjective:
      1. Very talkative.
      2. Full of excessive talk; wordy.

      It’s a word I had already known but it is also a word that describes me to a T. To put it mildly, talkative is what you’d descried me on a day I barely say anything. Even my son knows all about it. Whenever I start explaining something to him he’ll stop me and as if this will be one of the usual long and boring talks or if I could keep it short. I had been working on domination conversations and had gotten pretty good at it. But lately I find that I’m back on the never shutting up track. I have to try and remember it’s just as important when not to say anything as it is when to.

    • #3115406

      You don’t know what it’s like

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      I ran across this on the net the other day and wanted to pass it on. It is an Open Letter To Those Without Invisible Disability Or Chronic Illness. There are also some variations of it available which target CFS/FM, MS [for you e] and more. The one on ID/IDA, CFS/FM and Chronic Pain pertain to me best and the one for people who love someone with fibro I will be emailing to a number of people after I finish this post.

      The gist of this is that things which can’t be easily measured or qualified by immediate sensory feedback tend to get ignored or greatly misunderstood. Example; If, $DEITY forbid, I were to have lost my legs, either the use of them or they were physically removed, I’d be stuck in a wheelchair and would be easily and obviously seen as disabled. But you know something? I’d be so much better off then than I am now. Really! It would suck and I’d hate it but I’d be able to work and sleep and go out and play with my son and have a social life. I’d be able to brush my teeth or do the dishes or wash the laundry or cook dinner. I’d only need some minor adjustments and off I’d be. But today; right now; I am unable to do just about everything on that list. Thankfully I can still take a shower, get dressed and go to the bathroom. But how long will that last?

      Lately I’ve been trying to take a more active role in my treatment in that I’m working on cutting back in the meds and trying Acupuncture. It’s still very early into this but they seem to be helping a bit. My hope is that they will help a lot. But understand, “a lot” means that the pain level is lowered noticeably. If I could cut my pain level in half I’d be potentially able to do the dishes and cook dinner. Now I know some people would have expected an answer like maybe I’d be able to work and live full-time again. Well, that would take a miracle. Because not only am I fighting the pain I’m fighting everything else. All the other things wrong with my body, and my mind, that have accumulated over the decades. My psudo-girlfriend (a relationship pretty much dead but that’s for another time) talks about how I am the most intelligent person she has ever known and all I’d need to do is put a little effort into something, ANYTHING, and I’d be happy as a clam. While it’s true that I lack ambition, it is actually that I lack great ambition. So even if I was healthy I’d never be Linus or ESR or Billy-boy but I would be someone who was making a good living at my profession. But that is not something I can do. I repeat, I can not do that. I can’t make a decent living. I can’t even work for minimum wage.

      Which brings up the coup de gras of my situation. I am becoming more and more hampered by depression. Clinical depression. The kind that you just can’t shake off or push through. Just do it is the most infuriating, though. That’s like asking a person to “just push that mountain range over a few miles.” It’s idiotic and shows a complete lack of understanding. If there were any way I could change the chemicals in my brain to stop the depression and make it all better don’t you think I’d have tried it by now?

      That’s enough for now. I have more I want to say on this, though. More to come, eh?

    • #3114209

      Your mother was right!

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      This is to funny.

      I just saw a commercial on the TV about some law firm hawking their services for people who have experienced vision problems while on Viagra, Cialis, etc. I other words, people who have had sudden blindness while taking ED medication. I couldn’t stop laughing for 10 minutes.

    • #3114128

      Comments on the Japanese GP

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Well, more like spotty highlights.

      This was one of the best races of the season, There are all kinds of fun that was brought on by the fact that most of the top drivers ended up starting from the back of the grid for various reasons. Kimi started dead last and both Michael and Fernando were back in the upper teens. The actual racing and strategies used were more than the usual intrigue. Some of the points I remember from it are that JP got knocked out of the race for the umteenth time. Giancarlo ran a great race that had him leading for most of the latter portions of the race. Alonzo started 16th and came in 3rd. Michael started 14th and ended up 7th. If it weren’t for the whole Bridgestone thing he’d have made the podium. Antonio Pizzonia’s Williams caught fire in the pit but they just put it out and he was back on the track. Native son Takuma Sato had a real bad race. He started 5th but got buried in the back after a mess-up early on in the race and eventually for DQ’d. Poor Taku. But the most exciting thing of the race was the finish. Giancarlo had been leading but Kimi had worked his way up to 2nd with something like 7 laps to go. Surly not enough for him to catch the Italian, huh? Well, the McLaren was it’s usual self and Kimi took huge chunks out of the G-man’s lead. By lap 2 he was all over the back of the Renault. Finally, just as they started the last lap, he dove down and took the lead. This gave the Flying Finn his 7th win of the season. But in the constructors championship, with JP out and both Renaults on the podium the lead shifted to the French team by 4 points going into Shanghai.

      So, if/when I get around to watching the Chinese race I will post my comments then. With luck it will be before the start of next season.

    • #3135730

      I’m Burnin’ For You down the Highway To Hell

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Back a few weeks ago I was listening to the radio and there were two guys debating the relative impact that Blue Oyster Cult has had on music. One was taking the position that, while BOC has produced some great and alltime classic songs, they haven’t had an effect on music the way some other bands/artists had. Of course the other guy took the opposing view. While I didn’t listen to it for to long a time (I want music or news on my car radio, period) it got me thinking about the question at hand; what makes a musical artists influential?

      • There are those that change the course of music: the Beatles, Elvis, Hendrix, Sabbath, Van Halen, Nirvana
      • There are those who have more subtle, though no less serious, effects: Metallica, CCR, Skynyrd, SRV, Deep Purple, Scorpions, This Lizzy
      • Then there are those who just crank out serious Rock ‘n’ Roll: AC/DC, Boston, Kiss, REO, Styx, Ted Nugent, ZZ top

      I believe that BOC definitely falls into the third category. And if you ask me, the world needs more BOC’s and AC/DC’s and the like. It’s music. There’s nothing wrong with being a Bob Dylan or a Paul McCartney. Making change in music, culture and even society is a good thing. But sometimes… I’ll let the boys from down under say it.

      Rock ‘n’ Roll ain’t noise pollution
      Rock ‘n’ Roll ain’t gonna die
      Rock ‘n’ Roll ain’t noise pollution
      Rock ‘n’ Roll
      Rock ‘n’ Roll
      is just Rock ‘n’ Roll, yeah

    • #3117627

      and put up a parking lot

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Ever have one of those days when a song gets stuck in your head? If you’re lucky it’s a song you like. But more often than not it’s a song you either don’t like or outright hate. Occasionally it’s a song you are indifferent to. That’s what I had today. Over and over in my head I’m hearing…

      “They paved paradise
      and put up a parking lot”

      Oh well.

    • #3117593

      Spinnin’ my wheels

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      I’m going in circles.

      Every day I do nothing and every day nothing does me.

      Tomorrow (the 12th) I turn 43. That makes me, well, middle-aged I guess. I’m not old but I’m definitely not young. When I came to this country I was 25 years old. I was also about 75 pounds lighter but that’s beside the point. At 25 you think you’re an adult and ready for the world. And you are, to some extent. But you aren’t ready for the world to just blaze past you like Kimi in his McLaren-Mercedes. Half of my 20’s and all of my 30’s are gone. Where? Hell, I don’t have a clue.

      When I came here I didn’t have a job or friends or anything outside of my family. Today, I am in almost the same boat. Except that now I have a passenger in the form of a soon-to-be 9 year old son. Oh I have friends now. Or, more accurately, I have drifted through some friendships over the years. But it seems that once the direct contact is lost they fade away into the past. Glen. Bruce. Erik (but only a little bit). Now John and Rick will likely be added to the list. And there’s more names, I just can’t remember anything because I am extremely tired. I should have been asleep almost 4 hours ago. I can hardly see the monitor my eyes are so tired.

      To top it all off my body has given out on me. his point I’m fairly sure than some of the mess I’m in is due to the abuse I put it through when I was young and indestructible. But I’m not Captain Scarlet. None of us are. So not there’s all kinds of shit broken or damaged that could have been prevented. But that’s water under the bridge. The best I can do is to help my son to not do the same things I did. Or at least lead a slightly healthier lifestyle than I did. So far I’m not doing all that good a job.

      Got a new furness today. Or is it a heat pump. I don’t know. All I know is that about two weeks ago the heat stopped working. Thankfully we’re having another Indian Summer so it hasn’t been a real problem. here have been a few cold nights when I had to turn on the oven to warm up the place enough to live in. And yes, I know how dangerous it is to leave a gas oven running overnight with he door open. But the new one is in and we’re snug as a bug in a rug.

      Still hooked on Killzone. My mom was not happy at all when she found out that the game is rated M. My son is the master of the game in this house. I do ok but he’s got those PS2 enabled fingers. Even if my fingers worked right they’d still never be a match to his. I am doing alright in it, though. Killzone 2 is supposed to be coming out next year (2006) sometime. I hope it’s 1st quarter.

      Man, I am so tired I can’t see straight. It doesn’t help that my glasses aren’t quite right. I have an appointment someday next week (I think, we’ll have to check jpilot to be sure).

      Whoops! Fell out in the chair in front of the computer. Guess I’ll take another crack at sleeping in the bed.

    • #3131368

      This’ll be fun

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Somehow I got talked into running for PTA president at my sons school. Since the rest of the world has a little common sense, no one ran against me so I won. I don’t know if I have the right temperament to do this kind of task but more important is the question of whether I will have the resources, both physically and mentally, to do the job. We’ll see how it goes but I smell a faint whiff of smoke that could be preceding a real crash-n-burn on this one. The first PTA meeting is tonight.

    • #3131583

      Untitled

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      University of Maryland, Munich Campus

    • #3121752

      It’s been a while…

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Not the Stained song, though. I have been pretty bad at keeping this blog updated. Lots of stuff has been going on. Nothing extreme but stuff I should put up. Maybe it’s the blues. The anti-psychotic… uh, I mean anti-depressants aren’t helping to much. Maybe tonight I’ll post a “oh poor Joe has it bad” entry. Or not.

    • #3113903

      Micro Heart Attacks – What Are They?

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Or more importantly, do they exist.

      For months now I have been having chest pain. It usually comes as a sharp pain in the heart area but doesn’t last for more than a second or two. The problem I have is that with all the other medical things going on I’m a little worried that they maybe masking something. The only symptom I have that isn’t something I’ve already had for over 12 years now is extreme shortness of breath. I was never in good shape, well not recently anyway, but i could get out of bed and stand up without losing breath and needed a few minutes just to catch my breath. The only reason this bothers me is that a guy I used to work with had strange and very sudden extreme shortness of breath and they had him under the knife right away. It was a good thing, too, as he was a massive heart attack waiting to happen. That’s all I’d need is a heart attack. My life sucks enough but I’ll be damned if I’m ready to put this kind of burden on my son. Losing a parent is traumatic no matter the age of the parent & child. But it’s harder on little kids and teens. There’s so much I want to see and do with him. If things don’t get better I’ll call the doctor on Friday.

    • #3122619

      Very, very bad

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Today is not a good day. Nothing particularly bad has happened (other than a pathetic performance in the Fantasy Sumo Game I play) and I don’t foresee anything bad coming up. The problem is that I just don’t want to do anything today. And I mean anything. I’m here typing this to keep from curling up in a ball in the closet. I don’t know what happened or why I’m feeling this but I haven’t felt this depressed since I sent myself to the psychologist last year. If I were alone in this world I would be seriously thinking about calling it a day. Thankfully I am not alone in that my son is my anchor. He should be back tomorrow evening. I hope I can last that long.

      Damn! This is really bothering me. I have never thought of, the phrase used by the medical people is, “Hurting Myself or Others” before. The closest I had come was thinking about thinking about it (if you know what I mean). But today… I don’t know. I don’t understand.

      I’m seeing a Neurologist at 1500 EST today. Maybe I’ll be feeling better by then.

    • #3122575

      DEFCON 4

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      I’m feeling better. Don’t call out the army.

      If I remember to I’ll post that happened at the doctor (and afterwords) tomorrow.

      And for those who don’t know what the title is referring to just go to this link on the IMDB and search for “defcon”.

    • #3128713

      [clubsack] banned Xbox 360 ad

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      ——– Forwarded Message ——–
      From: Stephen <…@…>
      To: clubsacc
      Subject: [clubsack] banned Xbox 360 ad
      Date: Wed, 30 Nov 2005 14:34:35 -0500

      http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=WnpGtHq7Z0U

    • #3124680

      Free Tibet?

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      This morning I was watching CCTV, which is Chinese news broadcast in English on the MHz Network. Besides looking at the beautiful Chinese woman reporting the news, I get a very good idea at what is happening in the world from a PRC point of view. This can often be quite interesting as what news is reported can oft’ times differ in varying degrees from that reported by the rest of the worlds news centers.

      There was a piece on a meeting between Chinese president Hu Jintao and the 11th Pauchan Erdeni Quigyi Gyeibo of Tibet, who is 14 years old. I missed the beginning of it so I don’t know what the context of the meeting was but I did get to hear a fair portion of President Hu’s comments. Seems that the religious, cultural, technological & social insights that the 11th Pauchan have are treasured by China and fit right in with the grand scheme of the Communist Party (PRC). President Hu said many, many times in his speech that he hopes the Pauchan will follow the precedent set by the 10th Pauchan and embrace the “patriotic” ways of the PRC. The multi-cultural world of China is brought together by the great benevolence of the PRC and Tibet is a valued part of that. The work that the Pauchan can do to being religious and cultural teachings to The People is applauded by the PRC and the PRC will help in this dissemination of understanding and piece.

      Blah, blah, blah…

      There are times when the BS meter gets pegged so hard the whole thing breaks. This is one such time. You don’t have to know anything about Tibet or Buddhism or even Chinese culture to know that 99% of Mr. Hu’s speech was full or crap. The PRC wants the open and honest sharing of religion and culture as much as it wants a free Internet. That don’t call it the “Great Firewall of China” for nothing.

      Watching this did bring a few things to mind, though. It’s been forever since I really visited the Thai Buddhist Temple. Once in what much be three years now. I know that my friend there, Phra Aroon, is now in California doing great things which leave no one there who will know me. Still, there was no one who knew me the first time I went and met Phra Aroon and Phra Wichian. If only the temple wasn’t so far away. Maybe after he holidays I’ll try and hit it at least once a month. We’ll see.

    • #3130167

      Sino-American Relations

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Speaking of China, it seems an official and final ruling has come down from on high. Ok, not “from on high” but more like eased in when nobody was looking. The simple fact of the matter is that I don’t make enough money for her to invest time in a relationship with me. Now, it’s not as cold blooded mercenary bitch as it seems. See, she’s going through some very bad times. I’ve already helped her through one crisis but now she’s dealing with something that is not only financially crippling but emotionally crippling as well. This has clouded her mind so much that she can’t even see first base. I offered to help her, just as I did with her previous problem, but she can’t see any way for anyone to help outside of financial. She’s always said “Actions speak louder than words.” Well, her actions have never been very communicative (with one exception) yet it is always I who must prove myself every day. For her, talk is just air and has no meaning or value. I’m thinking a whole host of psychotherapists would have something to say abut that. My belief is that actions are the end result of words. Without the words (i.e. Communication) there can be no actions. This became an impasse so…

      I R officially Single again.

      I gotta tell you, though, I think this was my last chance; the last glimmer of possibility. From this point on I don’t think I’ll ever get a girlfriend. Ever.

      Which sucks royally.

    • #3125477

      Comments on the Chinese GP (Finally!!!)

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      It only took, what, two months.

      The race wasn’t bad but was hampered by being only one week from the insane, fantastic, unreal Japanese GP. Compared to it, this one was boring. It wasn’t completely boring, though. The day started off with an ominous sign. During the initial “get on the track” laps Minardi’s Christijan “No, I really am an F1 driver” Albers ran over Michael “Is the season finished yet?” Schumacher’s Ferrari. Both drivers had to scramble for their backup cars. This wouldn’t really have effected the outcome of the race, though, so it just ended up an interesting footnote. The only thing that had any meaning for this race was the outcome of the Constructors Championship. Renault was leading McLaren by 2 points going in. And while the team kept downplaying the championship as immaterial, they brought in a specially built engine just for this race.

      The race started with an all Renault front as Fernando “I’m so happy” Alonso and Giancarlo “Why I can not win?” Fisichella lined up P1 & P2. Right behind them was the winningest loser of the season, Kimi “Mumble” R?ikk?nen, who put his McLaren-Mercedes in P3. His teammate JP “It’s never my fault” Montoya was in P5 just behind Jenson “The Invisible man” Button’s BAR-Honda. The only other thing of note was Takuma “The one point wonder” Sato tucking his BAR-Honda in P17. Taku had a miserable season. With all the promise of 2004 he just was such a non-entity this year it’s questionable whether he’ll have a ride for 2006.

      So anyway, on to the race. The start sees Alonzo blast out in front while Fisi blocked everyone else. Kimi was pushing hard but couldn’t make it around the Italian. JP was able to pass Jenson to take up 4th. This seemed to be a fitting order as the only two teams with anything to gain looked like they would be battling it out. It didn’t quite happen that way, though. Actually the first move of any consequence, other than Alonzo whipping out a 15s lead, was that the first one out of the race was Michael. On lap 22 he just spun his Ferrari into the gravel. It was a disappointing, yet fitting, end to the season.

      Then just 2 laps later JP runs over a drainage cover and trashes his ride. This pretty much sealed the Championship for Renault. But it wouldn’t be a walk, it seemed. The Safety Car was brought out so that the track workers could fix the big hole that JP left behind. Thus Alonzo’s lead was brought back to nothing. But when the SC came off it was as if the slowdown never occurred. Fernando blasted out to a double digit lead again. Then it was deja-vou all over again.

      Narain “I am wondering” Karthikeyan decided he didn’t like his Jordan-Toyota today so he splashed it all over the guard wall and across the track. It was a bit disturbing, though, as the Jordan just seemed to disintegrate throwing parts of the car off that shouldn’t have come lose at all (the nose cone, tires, suspension). This brought out the SC again and once again Fernando’s lead got all sucked up. After the track was cleaned and the race restarted it was deja-vou all over again again as he launched into another >15s lead. From there is was Good Night Irene as the Spaniard never lost the lead for the rest of the race. Kimi was able to jump over Fisi into 2nd and some really good driving from Ralf “Damn-it, my name is not The Other” Schumacher got him from P9 to 3rd. Fisi dropped into 4th and there they would all stay to the finish.

      One good bit of work that went virtually unnoticed was Christian “Mister” Klien bringing his Red Bull from P14 to 5th. Other notables were Rubens “I think I’m better than Michael” Barrichello languishing back in 12th, Jarno “What? There’s more than 2 gears” Trulli starting P12 and ending up 15th, Felipe “I’m a Ferrari driver!” Massa going from P11 to 6th and the complete suckage of Taku who ended up out of the race on lap 34.

      So that’s how it all ended. The season could be summed up by what Fernando was sining as he crossed the finish line…

      We are the Champions

      See everyone in 2006!

    • #3125043

      We are all …

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      I have been subscribed to the Doctor Dictionary “Word of the Day” for a little while now. Most of the time I get words I already know but occasionally I get one that’s completely new (which is really exciting) or one that is fun with potential realworld usefulness. Todays word is digerati. Pass it on to everyone.

      _________________________________________________________
      digerati \dij-uh-RAH-tee\, plural noun:
      Persons knowledgeable about computers and technology.

      As high tech spreads outward from Silicon Valley to
      American society at large and people spend more and more
      time in cyberspace, the journalist Paulina Borsook steps
      back to look at the digerati and their view of the world.
      –Michiko Kakutani, “Silicon Valley Views the Economy as a
      Rain Forest,” [1]New York Times, July 25, 2000

      [T]his week, over 3,000 digerati will converge at a swank
      theater where chef Julia Child and pundit Arianna
      Huffington, among others, will judge 135 Web sites.
      –David Whitman, “The calm before the storms,” [2]U.S.News
      & World Report, May 15, 2000
      _________________________________________________________

      Digerati was formed by analogy with literati, “persons
      knowledgeable about literature.”

    • #3082401

      Merry Christmas, more or less

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Christmas has always been a time of happiness and fun for me. The only exception being the song “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.” However, things haven’t been completely happy and fun for a few years.

      When my father get sick is was difficult. But it was on December 26th, 1999 when he was put into the hospital for the last time. We were down spending Christmas with my ex’s as this was their year (plus her father had just passed away two months earlier after a 20+ year battle with Parkinson’s). Anyone who’s married knows the whole alternating holidays schedule thing. What we’d planned on was to open the presents when we got back home. Now with him in the hospital we just planed on opening them when he was back home. Well, that never happened. Early morning on February 2nd, 2000 my father passed away. It was a month and a half from Christmas but I still link the two events in my mind.

      So Christmas is now a little bittersweet for me.

    • #3082285

      Update long overdue

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Someone remind me to do an update on life in the near future. There’s some very good things that have been happening which I should post.

    • #3095151

      Finally! An update on my life

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Like anyone actually cared.
      Oh where to start…

      First off, there’s a chance I might have a job. It’s a sales position (Ugh) at CompUSA. The pay is pretty slim but it’s more than I got now. I’m hoping it’ll be enough to bring me to a self-sustaining level. The manager who I’d be working under is VERY amiable towards working out accommodations for me and he seems to understand my situation. I just need to pass an interview with the store manager and probably with the HR person. $DEITY I hate interviews.

      A while back I mentioned I was gong to see a Neurologist. That went pretty well. There doesn’t seem to be any neuropathy showing in the tests but I do have some symptoms in my feet and lower legs. The doctor, who’s name is Jim Grim (I’m not making this up), was asking me about the meds I’m on and how they are working. After discussing it with him he said that since I’m taking pain killers that have narcotic qualities or are very low dosage narcotics but not having relief from the pain I might as well be on stronger narcotics. Right now I’m running the risk without getting the benefits. He going to talk to my rheumatologist about it (if he doesn’t forget).

      Another thing that came up while I was talking to him was the idea of motorized transport, i.e. a motorized wheelchair or scooter. I’ve been generally against getting a chair because once you get in one it’s basically impossible to get back out. However, a while back I was lying on the couch watching TV (pretty much the only other thing I do besides sleep) while my son was outside playing with some friends. Then an ad for The Scooter Store came on and it just clicked. If I had one of these I could be out playing with my son. I could go shopping at the mall or to a movie or pretty much anything I can’t do now. This is what led me to ask Dr. Grim about a chair. He said that he’s write the referral but it was up to the managed end of the HMO to say yes or no. He didn’t think they’d go for it but we figured what the hell. So I went up and asked. Turns out that my plan covers motorized chairs and scooters. So now the referral is supposed to be up with the people who do the accept/reject part of the system. Next week I’m going to try and remember to call and see if anything is happening with the referral. Man, I hope they approve it.

      There was also a call this last week from my HMO about some paperwork I put in months ago for my rheumatologist to go over. This is in preparation of trying, for the third time, to get Social Security disability benefits. That’s another thing I need to remember to do next week. If I get the chair, too, I just might be able to get those %#*&% people to see the light. But I’m not holding my breath.

      There’s one thing I have been very amiss on. Back in November I got in touch with the Department of “Getting Disabled People Jobs” (ok, I can’t remember the real name but that’s what they do). The man there was very helpful and had a number of good ideas. He just needed some paperwork from me to get the ball rolling. Well, with everything that was going on then I completely forgot about it. Luckily Mum remembered and got his name and number for me. Add this to the things to do next week list.

      I also need to get with those idiots at Celarity IT. They still haven’t reimbursed me for the expense report I had from last January. It’s not a great amount of money but it is a couple-a hundred and that would be a great help.

      Nothing happening on the “Fairer Sex” front but I think that’s going to be the norm from now on. It’ll be even harder to find a gal when I’m in a chair. Whatever.

      Oh! Mum is trying to broker a deal that would completely change the living arrangements for me & my son, her and my two brothers. If it works out it will save everyone involved a LOT of money. The process will take a few months if it happens so I need to do what I can to hang on now.

      Let’s see… I guess that’s about it. There might be some things I forgot but if so they would only be the very important things. I remember the trivia extremely well.

    • #3095147

      Hatsu Basho starts tomorrow

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      The January Sumo tournament starts tomorrow and I can’t wait. See, there are a number of different games that I play which are analogous to Fantasy Football and the like. Of the games I play, the one that is the primary and that I put the most effort into is Bench Sumo. You don’t need to worry about figuring out how to play it or anything. The only important thing is that my rank is Sandanme 1 East. If I can put together a winning Basho this time out I’m good for a promotion to Makushita. That would be very cool. You can see the current ranking of all the Bench Sumo players at Takanorappa’s Bench Sumo Ichimon page. And Ichimon is basically just a collection of wrestlers, known as Rikishi. If you’re interested in what these strange words mean you can check out the Sumo Glossary. My fighting name for all the games I play is Kuramarujo. Anyway, it’s off to bed so I can get a good sleep before the first day’s bout. I’m up against Onigashima, who is Sandanme1 West. Should be a good fight.

    • #3080414

      The Star Trek Effect

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Ever since the original series there’s been an interesting phenomenon with respect to the actors who portrayed the characters we all know and love. And it’s generally not very good.

      Many of the people who have stared or been featured in any of the five series had acting careers in the movies before coming on board. Leonard Nimoy, James Doohan, DeForest Kelley from TOS. Patrick Stewart, LeVar Burton, Wil Wheaton from TNG. Avery Brooks, Rene Auberjonois, Terry Farrell from DS9. Kate Mulgrew, Garrett Wang from VOY. And not to be left out, Scott Bakula from ENT. This isn’t an inclusive list of course. If you want to check out who did what before their Star Trek hitches just search the Internet Movie Database.

      This is all well and good, but what about after Star Trek? How did their careers fair after coming down from space?

      We all know the most famous Star Trek alum who kept it going. Bill Shatner went on to fame with T.J. Hooker, TekWar, Boston Legal and a host of movie roles. The rest of the TOS crew weren’t so lucky. In fact, with the exception of Shatner and one other, most of them got stuck hard in their Star Trek roles or retired (more or less) from the industry.

      The other exception is Colm Meaney. He, along with Michael Dorn, are the only characters that had major roles in more than one series (specifically TNG and DS9). Since his Star Trek days he’s gone on to star or be featured in many movies, most recently “Caved In” on the SciFi Channel.

      Now, this is not to say that everyone else got buried under the brand, but you don’t see them on things much, do you. So I say “Huzzah” to Miles O’Brian’s alter ego. May he achieve the success, if not the notoriety, of his pioneering predecessor.

    • #3100034

      Balance lost?

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Something is wrong. I can’t describe it but it’s definitely there. I don’t know when it started but it’s been a while. The best I can do to describe it is to say that there’s a hole in my heart. Not the physical one, the ephemeral one. The heart that the Bard writes about. It feels like a black hole in my chest. Every time I try and look into it and feed it some signals everything gets sucked in. And it’s bottomless, thus the black hole feeling. I’ve been racking my brains trying to figure out where this is coming from. It’s no use, though. All I can get out of it is that it’s fear based, but only in the sense that a pearl is sand based.

      I’ve always had insecurities and feeling of inferiority but I’d pretty much worked those back to being just a faint whisper. Now it feels like they are back in force but it’s not them. It’s something else that just feels like them. Or maybe it is them and the meds are masking it. Or maybe it’s the meds in the first place. It’s all so confusing.

      So what to do about it. I don’t know. I’ve been toying with the idea of calling the psychotherapist but that seems premature. Maybe talk to the psychiatrist? There’s no one in my life I can talk to about this. The closest one would be Mum but this isn’t something that I think is ready to be unleashed on her. She’s got enough to deal with (mostly things I am the cause of in the first place).

      This is the first time in a

      LONG

      time I’ve felt like getting stoned. That is one of the few things that always covered/masked the black pit.

      As for the rest of life, there’s some good things that are lining up which look to make life a whole lot better. Possibly even as early as this summer. If they fall into place that will be a fantastic turnaround for almost all of us in the family. I don’t want to say more for fear of jinxing it.

      And now I think I’ll go have a nap.

    • #3110274

      “No one here gets out alive”

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Jim Morrison. Poet? Insane? Dope-head? What difference does it make. The quote is self explanatory.

      Lately I have been thinking a lot about how close I am to the implied outcome of it. I’m 43 now. My father passed at 68. My grandfather passed at 65 or 66. This means I have 22 to 25 years before I’m in the zone. Now, both of them were relatively healthy at the time. I’m already one foot on the edge. Well, maybe more like on foot on the lawn. Still, whatever it is I have much less to look forward to than look back on. This is the natural progression of life, of course. Everyone who lives past 35 or so is statistically in the same boat. But I’m not thinking along those lines. I’m thinking that I have nothing and my future looks like nothing.

      Have you ever seen the
      Thomas the Tank Engine
      show? The one thing that all the trains want to aspire to is being very useful. To have a purpose, a reason. There was an editorial in one of the recent Newsweek magazines. In it a guy talked about how after he got an early severance package during a cutback he wandered around in his retirement feeling useless. He realized that he defined himself by his job. This is not uncommon at all. Ask anyone, “What are you?” and they’ll tell you what they do. “I’m a painter.” I’m a teacher.” I’m a computer geek.” So what does that make me now? I was a computer geek. A damn good one, too. I pulled my fair share of miracles out of the IT hat. But it wasn’t that which defined me. It was just simply that I was a techie. I hack therefore I am.

      Now, I am just the unemployed/unemployable disabled lump on the couch. I’m extremely lonely, especially for female companionship. I guess that’s why I kept hanging on to the Chinese lady even when I knew it wasn’t fit. I’m also really, really, really, really tired of the pain. I’m tired of not being able to do the simplest things like go to a restaurant or a movie or just hangout. Even when I am visiting my family I can’t really do it for that long. I’m even staying away from the computers. Nothing seems worth it anymore. With one exception, of course.

      If it weren’t for my son I would not be typing this now. I wouldn’t be doing anything except rotting in the dirt. I hadn’t really accepted that fact. I kinda alluded to it at times but it didn’t really hit home ’till now. The straight up fact is that without him, I would not have a reason to live.

      But even with that reason I seem to be having difficulties with my head. I’m thinking thoughts I don’t think. I mean that they aren’t coming from my conscious mind. It’s not like there’s someone else in there or that someone is mind controlling me (though to be honest I wouldn’t know if it was). It’s like thoughts that are independent of my will. They aren’t thoughts about killing anyone or myself. They are more like thoughts about how it’s really not worth going through the motions of life anymore.

      I think maybe it’s time to call the shrink again.

    • #3108216

      Six years and counting

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Today is the 6th anniversary of the passing of my father. You know, I don’t think I’ll ever really “get over” it. I don’t think I want to.

    • #3096869

      False Start

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      It’s late. I should be in bed.

      But I’m not. I’m here clickity-clackitying away doing a whole lot of nothing. There’s actual stuff I could be doing. I could be putting together the Sakura Ichimon web site like I said I would 4 months ago. Or I could be knuckling down and learning to program again. In fact it’s so late that I can’t finish this entry. I’ll try for it tomorrow (well, today in about 9 or 10 hours). I’ll need to get at it fairly early, though. The Super Bowl will be on and I have to root my Steelers on to victory! 17hrs 03min 30sec to go. WhooHoo!!!

    • #3096727

      What a Super day

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      As I start this post there’s 2:41:45 to go until kickoff. Go Steelers.

      My son dropped by earlier to give me something he picked up at the Chocolate festival that’s happened locally. It was a Steelers Pillow. He’s the greatest.

      We’re going to a local sports bar to watch the game. Been going there for a few years but this year with the playoffs it’s been wonderful. You should have seen the

    • #3092803

      We Won!

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      21-10

      One for the thumb!

      Hinze Ward is MVP.

      The Bus calls it a career.

      The Steelers are Super Bowl XL Champions!

      Damn, would dad be happy. One for you, coach.

    • #3092378

      Dr. Sanity: SHAME, GUILT, THE MUSLIM PSYCHE, AND THE DANISH CARTOONS

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Dr. Sanity: SHAME, GUILT, THE MUSLIM PSYCHE, AND THE DANISH CARTOONS

      It’s sad to see all this hate and anger being leveled at the Islamic religion. Hundreds of millions of Muslims go about their lives living and loving and caring just he same way that you do. But because a very noticeable and violent micro-fraction of the populace run around spewing hate and rage you are ready to vaporize a

    • #3133821

      Take this to the bank!

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Damn! I just read the greatest quote every quoted. It’s one that fits more today than any other time in history, I feel. Read it, then read it again. And then read it a third time. Remember it next time “they” poke their head up.

      “[The] idea that whenever something evil happens someone particular can be blamed and punished for it, in life and in politics is hopeless.”
      — Hayao Miyazaki

    • #3080781

      Olympics

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      I’m sitting here right now writing this instead of writing the article I’m supposed to be writing. You could say I’m taking a break. You could say it, but it wouldn’t be true. I’m just shaming.

      I have the Olympics on TV and they are showing mens Curling. Who created this sport? Who was the first person to say, “Hey! Let’s slide rocks across some ice and use brooms to make the go faster.

    • #3080729

      Tears fall lke rain

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Maybe it’s just the stress and uncertainty and depression. Maybe it’s just the time of year*. Maybe it’s the meds. Or maybe I’m just losing my mind.

      I have been a lot more teary than usual. Picture it; a 5’10” 265lb man with a bushy bears and unruly hair crying. Some movies that would normally just bring a lump in my throat now start some serious gushers. The Last Samurai, Field of Dreams, 50% of what’s on TCM… I was balling like a baby today at the end of Yankee Doodle Dandy. And there’s no way I’ll ever be watching Glory again. Ever.

      But the incident today got me thinking. This was not the kind of movie I should be crying after. Then it struck me that for the longest time I have had something bring me to tears nearly every day. It’s not like fits of uncontrollable crying, just serious sobbing. It’ll happen out of the blue for no reason. Or sometimes when a movie or TV show or song hits some unknown, unseen, unheard switch in my head. Then the waterworks just break right out.

      It all feels like everything is slowly sliding away. If it weren’t for my son keeping me grounded I don’t know where I’d be. Or even if I’d be. But the pull seems to be getting stronger and stronger. It seems to be part of the reason I’m crying so much.

      This morning when I woke up I was in so much pain. It was as much pain as I normally go to bed with. A decent nights sleep will make the pain go down to a level where I am fairly functional in the morning. Usually. But not today.

      $DEITY I hope that tomorrow morning is better. And I hope that I can make it through the day without the dam bursting.


      *My father passed away on Feb 2nd, 2000 so this month is always difficult for me.

    • #3252756

      Tears fall like rain

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Maybe it’s just the stress and uncertainty and depression. Maybe it’s just the time of year*. Maybe it’s the meds. Or maybe I’m just losing my mind.

      I have been a lot more teary than usual. Picture it; a 5’10” 265lb man with a bushy bears and unruly hair crying. Some movies that would normally just bring a lump in my throat now start some serious gushers. The Last Samurai, Field of Dreams,

    • #3252755

      Insomnia, kinda

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Well, I can’t sleep but it’s not because I can’t get to sleep. It’s more because I don’t want to go to sleep. Not yet anyway. So what to do ’till I do want to sleep? Let’s randomly ramble inane babbling on the blog. Why not.

      I watched a strange movie today. It was Purple Butterfly and was mostly a Chinese movie. I say mostly because there were some Japanese elements to it and, frankly, I

    • #3272025

      Curling rocks!

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Ok, that was a really bad pun. But I’m serious about the fact that curling is really fun to watch. I still don’t quite know the rules and lingo but the strategy, tactics and technique of it all are great to watch. I spent most of the time watching the womens matches but I did catch some of the mens. The US team got the Bronze while the US women just suffered from some very bad luck and some

    • #3090050

      Must… Get… Sleep…

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Another night without him; another night of no sleep. I hate the universe.

    • #3147941

      NewsForge | US military is blocking Slashdot and SourceForge.net

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      NewsForge | US military is blocking Slashdot and SourceForge.net: “I was told recently that Air Force bases in the San Antonio, Texas, area are blocking one or more of our sister OSTG sites, like SourceForge.net, Slashdot.org, or Freshmeat.net. After finding reports via Google of commercial mail services and liberal news sites being blocked by various components of the Department of Defense, I

    • #3147942

      What’s in a name?

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Nigger!

      How many other words can evoke the kind of reactions that this word can? I’m a middle aged Caucasian male so the only way I can use the word is to couch it in code. “The N word.” If I use the actual word it’s called a racial epithet and I’m a Praia. People have lost their jobs from using this word, even in correct context. Now, if I was Africa American, I could use this word left and

    • #3147940

      Damien Katz: Signs You’re a Crappy Programmer (and don’t know it)

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Damien Katz: Signs You’re a Crappy Programmer (and don’t know it): “You know those crappy programmers who don’t know they are crappy? You know, they think they’re pretty good, they spout off the same catch phrase rhetoric they’ve heard some guru say and they know lots of rules about the ‘correct’ way to do things? Yet their own work seems seriously lacking given all the expertise they supposedly

    • #3147939

      U.S. dismisses concerns over new Microsoft browser – Yahoo! News

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      U.S. dismisses concerns over new Microsoft browser – Yahoo! News: “WASHINGTON (Reuters) – U.S. antitrust authorities on Friday rejected concerns that a search feature in the new version of Microsoft Corp.’s Internet Explorer browser would give the company an unfair advantage over Google Inc.

      The Justice Department said it had investigated and found no basis for concerns that a new search box

    • #3147938

      Swimming upstream through the mud

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Between the medication, lack of sleep, pain and inactivity my brain has turned to mush. The old analogy about your brain being like a muscle and needing exercise is accurate of not true. Even with the last year or so at my last job being very superficial just being around techies and talking the talk helped keep things from atrophying. But it’s been one year five-and-a-half months since then.

    • #3157969

      A new feature on the blog

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      I just added this new feature to the blog. It’s something that anyone and everyone can have. It’s a new service for blogs called batBack. It allows you to vote on articles and a bunch of other really cool stuff. There’s a good possibility that this could drastically revolutionize blogging. Well, maybe just make it a bit cooler. I must say I’m not so confident about letting people vote on my

    • #3143205

      BofA: Train your replacement, or no severance pay for you

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      BofA: Train your replacement, or no severance pay for you: “Bank of America has been steadily moving thousands of tech jobs to India. The latest to go are about 100 positions that handle BofA’s internal tech support.

      While many of the bank’s Bay Area techies accept the inevitability of their jobs heading abroad, what rankles them is the fact that, in many cases, they’re being told they have to

    • #3143175

      Heavy Metal: I was there

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Last month VH1 declared it to be Metal Month in preparation to the first annual Rock Honors Award. One of the things they had on was a four part documentary called “Heavy: The Story of Metal.” It started with the pre-metal days featuring acts that were the genesis of what became known as Heavy Metal. Then moved onto the “rebirth” of Metal after it was almost crushed by Punk in Europe and Disco

    • #3145872

      Fussball-Weltmeisterschaft: ITALIEN – USA

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Right now it’s halftime in the US vs Italy game. The significants of this game, besides it being contested by my home country team against my #1 favorite team, is the fact that they are playing in Kaiserslautern. This is the town where I spent most of my youth, from the age of 13 to 19. I went to the American High School in Vogelweh. I lived 3 years in the little village of Rodenbach. Spent a

    • #3142464

      My quick review of Fedora Core 5

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      This is my initial take on FC5 shortly after doing a very messy upgrade from FC4. Once I’ve had more time with it I might do a more in depth one. Or not. Who knows?

      Ok, this upgrade was not as smooth as it could have been. In fact it was down right scary. This was in no way due to FC5 or anything related to Fedora. See, my laptop’s DVD/CD-RW combo drive decided it didn’t want to play nice

    • #3163862

      My desktop running Xfce 4.4 beta 1

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      This is a screen shot of my laptop running the Desktop Environment Xfce 4.4 beta 1. The window decorations and layout are CDE-like but the task bar on the bottom is currently in the standard WinXX/GNOME/KDE configuration. If/when the ability to have a CDE-like setup I’ll do that and post an update screenie.

    • #3110921

      The real truth about Net Neutrality

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      You’ve probably heard and read a lot about this hot button topic. Lots of ads on TV and Radio, in News Papers and, OC, all over the ‘Net. Seems everyone has an opinion on it. After doing some serious, and hopefully impartial, research, I have whittled away all the hype, misinformation and outright lies to get at the real truth of the matter. You don’t have to believe me. You don’t have to

    • #3111198

      Henry, 56th minute

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Man, what a surprise that was. And I missed the game(s), too. It wasn’t so bad as I was helping two very lovely ladies with some computer issues they were having (ok, I didn’t do much of anything since they have a WinXP system and I only know how to spell WinXP) but it was a nice afternoon spent talking and enjoying the company. I may still have to razz them a bit, though. After all, it was

    • #3111112

      Twilight Zone Marsthon

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Four days of the Zone on the Sci-Fi channel. The only break I can foresee in this are a few hours on the 4th, 5th, 8th & 9th.

      de de
      de de de de
      de de

    • #3168153

      Twilight Zone Marathon

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Four days of the Zone on the Sci-Fi channel. The only break I can foresee in this are a few hours on the 4th, 5th, 8th & 9th.

      de de
      de de de de
      de de

    • #3168154

      What a game!

      by joeaaa22 ·

      In reply to My UnKnown Blog

      Man, oh man, oh man! Two hours of headbanging and dive bombing before Italy finally scored to beat Germany in the first Semifinal game. Alessandro Del Piero dropped in a second goal a minute later but it was all over the instant Fabio Grosso caught the far corner of the net in the 119th minute. I was hoping for Germany to take the game, but only a little bit. See, Italy is my #1 team for the

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