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  • #2266681

    OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

    Locked

    by deadly ernest ·

    to die their hair?
    .
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    .
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    They bought bottles of peroxide.

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    • #2585529

      Well

      by steffi28 ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      Whats wrong with that? maybe they wanted a different shade of blonde!!

      • #2585515

        steff

        by shellbot ·

        In reply to Well

        check out this one..
        not sure if i have time today to indulge though..data cleaning on a massive export file..sucks to be me today 🙁

        http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=101&threadID=224979&messageID=2250813

        • #2585504

          Hee Hee

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to steff

          I had fun 😀

          I have no work to do today, there are 3 people in my office at the moment (theres usually 25) everyone has taken the day off because yesterday was a bank holiday and they want a long weekend! So I’m trying to have some fun on TR instead, I’m not staying the full day today though I think I’ll go home in about an hour or two, anyway have to leave soon cos hubby is home alone and wont leave the house because he doesnt speak German lol

        • #2585494

          OH

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Hee Hee

          yikes..forgot..
          how it going? pm me!!

        • #2585488

          OK

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to OH

          Will do, got a little goss, but so far it seems to be going great! 🙂

        • #2585477

          Ooops

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to OK

          Edited cos I posted false information 🙁

        • #2585466

          False info?

          by gadgetgirl ·

          In reply to Ooops

          what, no goss?

          (you can pm me, too!…..)

          or it’s not going great any more?

          (hit first, ask questions later…..)

          :p

          GG

          yeah, yeah, Fridayitis…. 😀

        • #2583628
          Avatar photo

          So now the truth is out the blonde Steffi tells lies. :p

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to Ooops

          :^0

        • #2584427

          OK OK Confession 3!!

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to So now the truth is out the blonde Steffi tells lies. :p

          What the post actually said was that the underwear post had been pulled because for some reason when I go into view all my posts it doesnt come up that I posted to the underwear thread. So I was just telling Shell that we got another thread pulled, when I discovered it was still there so I edited my post so I didnt look too stupid

          happy now? You made me look stoopid again 🙁

        • #2586127
          Avatar photo

          What was the joke you used last week about what a Blonde

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to Ooops

          Buys when they want to dye their hair? Wasn’t it something about Peroxide? :p

          Col ]:)

        • #2586049

          It’s working!!

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to What was the joke you used last week about what a Blonde

          I’m driving Col mental!!

          Col It wasnt me and it wasnt last week, read the first post in this weeks yuk dear 😀

        • #2585772

          Doesnt it go something like

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to It’s working!!

          the memory is the first to go!

          It looks like Col is just hanging in there now. Hmmm. Your plot seems to be working well!

        • #2584088

          Yes, Yes, Yes

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to It’s working!!

          It is all coming together at last ]:)

        • #2585455

          work on a friday? be serious….

          by heml0ck ·

          In reply to Hee Hee

          I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me . . . it was her beautiful younger sister.

          My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

          One day “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”

          I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

          Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test . . . we couldn’t ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”

          And the moral of this story is:

          Always keep your condoms in your car!

        • #2585439

          *sobbing*..yes work..please kill me

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to work on a friday? be serious….

          and F*** it all anyways, the export is buggered..have to start all over again..whole shagging morning wasted…

          i may just go drown myself in the toilet bowl now…

        • #2585436

          i hate when that happens…

          by heml0ck ·

          In reply to *sobbing*..yes work..please kill me

          speaking of drowning….

          Mrs. Murphy was startled by a knock at her door. Opening it, she saw Gerald, the foreman the Guiness Brewery down the road,
          “Mrs. Murphy,” said Gerald. “I have terrible news. There has been an accident at the brewery.”
          “Oh, no!” cried Mrs. Murphy. “Tell me it isn’t Seamus!”
          “I’m afraid it is,” replied Gerald. “I’m sorry to to tell you that Seamus fell into the finishing vat and drowned this afternoon.”
          “Oh my poor Seamus! Tell me he didn’t suffer!”
          ” I don’t think so ma’am, as he got out three times to pee….”

        • #2585427

          hehe

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to i hate when that happens…

          dunno..after being here for a few years now..i’d be suprised if that doesn’t have a grain of truth in it..

        • #2583632

          Drown in beer, it tastes better :p :D

          by dadspad ·

          In reply to *sobbing*..yes work..please kill me

          🙂 😀 :^0

          Of course, I have never tried toilet bowl water, so I could be wrong. ]:)

        • #2583618

          off to do that now

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Drown in beer, it tastes better :p :D

          well..i gonna hit the shops, go for a cold one, then go home to study..
          fantastic weather and i’m stuck in the hosue all weekend..
          geez..this day just keeps getting worse!!

          anywho’s..have a good weekend all

        • #2583551

          Isn’t it better to

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to *sobbing*..yes work..please kill me

          get drunk before drowning in the toilet bowl?

          That way you have a built-in excuse… :^0

    • #2585523

      I have a confession to make!

      by steffi28 ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      I got bored of being pure :p

      The horse and the chicken:
      A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
      A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my ‘thingy’ and pull yourself up.” And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

      The moral of the story:

      If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

      ———————————————

      A sixty year old man walks into a big drug store and walks up to the girl at Checkout #3. He asks her, “Do you guys have condoms here?”

      She says, “Sure. What size are you?”

      “I don’t know,” he replies.

      “Well, just let me check,” the cashier says. She unzips his pants, takes a feel, and then she says over the intercom, “EXTRA LARGE CONDOMS TO AISLE THREE PLEASE, EXTRA LARGE CONDOMS TO AISLE THREE.” They bring the condoms and the man pays for them and leaves.

      Then, a thirty year old man walks into the store and up to Checkout #3. He asks the girl, “Do you sell condoms here?”

      The cashier replies, “Sure, but what size do you need?”

      He says “Well, I don’t know.”

      She says, “Just let me check here.” She unzips his pants, takes a couple of tugs, and then says over the intercom, “LARGE CONDOMS TO AISLE THREE PLEASE, LARGE CONDOMS TO AISLE THREE.” Someone brings the condoms and the man pays for them and leaves.

      Later, a sixteen year old guy comes into the store and goes up to the girl at Checkout #3 and asks sheepishly, “Um, ah, do you guys sell any condoms here?”

      “Yep,” she says, “what size do you need?”

      “I don’t know” he says. She unzips his zipper for a feel and then says over the intercom, “CLEAN UP TO AISLE THREE PLEASE, CLEAN UP TO AISLE THREE.”

      —————————————–

      Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as “cybersex”. Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you’ll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn’t seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does…

      Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

      Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I’m toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

      Wellhung: I’m 6’3″ and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I’m
      also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner…it smells funny.

      Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

      Wellhung: OK

      Sweetheart: We’re in my bedroom.There’s soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I’m looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

      Wellhung: I’m gulping, I’m beginning to sweat.

      Sweetheart: I’m pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

      Wellhung: Now I’m unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

      Sweetheart: I’m moaning softly.

      Wellhung: I’m taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

      Sweetheart: I’m throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I’m rubbing your bulge faster, pulling
      and rubbing.

      Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I’m sorry.

      Sweetheart: That’s OK, it wasn’t really too expensive.

      Wellhung: I’ll pay for it.

      Sweetheart: Don’t worry about it.I’m wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and
      harder.

      Wellhung: I’m fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it’s stuck. Do you have any scissors?

      Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I’m reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air
      caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

      Wellhung: How did you do that? I’m picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

      Sweetheart: I’m arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

      Wellhung: I’m dropping the bra. Now I’m licking your, you know, breasts. They’re neat!

      Sweetheart: I’m running my fingers through your hair. Now I’m nibbling your ear.

      Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

      Sweetheart: What?

      Wellhung: I’m so sorry. Really.

      Sweetheart: I’m wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

      Wellhung: I’m taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

      Sweetheart: OK. I’m pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

      Wellhung: I’m squealing like a schoolgirl. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

      Sweetheart: I’m pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

      Wellhung: I’m pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you…umm… wait a minute.

      Sweetheart: What’s the matter?

      Wellhung: I’ve got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I’m choking.

      Sweetheart: Are you OK?

      Wellhung: I’m having a coughing fit. I’m turning all red.

      Sweetheart: Can I help?

      Wellhung: I’m running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I’m fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

      Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

      Wellhung: I’m drinking a cup of water. There, that’s better.

      Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

      Wellhung: I’m washing the cup now.

      Sweetheart: I’m on the bed arching for you.

      Wellhung: I’m drying the cup. Now I’m putting it back in the cabinet. And now I’m walking back to the bedroom. Wait,
      it’s dark, I’m lost. Where’s the bedroom?

      Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

      Wellhung: I found it.

      Sweetheart: I’m tuggin’ off your pants. I’m moaning. I want you so badly.

      Wellhung: Me too.

      Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

      Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

      Sweetheart Why don’t you take off your glasses?

      Wellhung: OK, but I can’t see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

      Sweetheart: I’m bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

      Wellhung: I have to pee. I’m fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

      Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

      Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it’s dark. I’m feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

      Sweetheart: I’m waiting eagerly for your return.

      Wellhung: I’m done going. I’m feeling around for the flush handle, but I can’t find it. Uh-oh!

      Sweetheart: What’s the matter now?

      Wellhung: I’ve realized that I’ve peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I’m walking back to the bedroom now, blindly
      feeling my way.

      Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

      Wellhung: OK, now I’m going to put my…you know …thing…in your…you know…woman’s thing.

      Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

      Wellhung: I’m touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I’m having a little trouble here.

      Sweetheart: I’m moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can’t stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

      Wellhung: I’m flaccid.

      Sweetheart: What?

      Wellhung: I’m limp. I can’t sustain an erection.

      Sweetheart: I’m standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

      Wellhung: I’m shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I’m going to get my glasses and see what’s wrong.

      Sweetheart: No, never mind. I’m getting dressed. I’m putting on my underwear. Now I’m putting on my wet nasty blouse.

      Wellhung: No wait! Now I’m squinting, trying to find the night table. I’m feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans
      of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

      Sweetheart: I’m buttoning my blouse. Now I’m putting on my shoes.

      Wellhung: I’ve found my glasses. I’m putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire!
      I’m pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

      Sweetheart: Go to hell. I’m logging off, you loser!

      Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

      Sweetheart: <

      ———————————————

      • #2583631

        OH MY GOD

        by israck ·

        In reply to I have a confession to make!

        the last peice was probably the funniest thing i’ve read in 5 years. i actually had tears in my eyes when my coworker came over to see what was wrong. great post!!!
        🙂

      • #2583619
        Avatar photo

        And this is exactly what needs stopping!

        by hal 9000 ·

        In reply to I have a confession to make!

        The Impure Brigade has run rampant for way too long and needs to be at the very least culled or made extinct! 🙂

        And I’m just the one to do this necessary job. It’s dirty work but someone needs to do it and I’m now willing to take on the job just to prevent Steffi corrupting any more peers here at TR! :^0

        Col ]:)

      • #2583552

        ROFL — cyber sex

        by w2ktechman ·

        In reply to I have a confession to make!

        That was tooooo funny.
        That couldnt be real, she would have left long before. But it if was…. :^0

        • #2583500

          Actually it is real

          by langlier ·

          In reply to ROFL — cyber sex

          and theres a whole webpage full of them from the same guy. I don’t have the address handy but its one of the best things I’ve read in a while.

      • #2584431

        Confession Number 2

        by steffi28 ·

        In reply to I have a confession to make!

        I decided at the weekend I fancied a bit of a change, so I took a trip to the shops, and got a new colour to put on my hair…….

        I am now officially blonde, albeit bottle blonde, but yes I am blonde!

        • #2584979

          True Colors

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Confession Number 2

          Finally you realize your true colors. I am sure that now everything will start being, well, more normal for you! :^0

          Blonde roots, bottle blonde, it works…

        • #2586125
          Avatar photo

          Just provided that this one remembers that the

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to True Colors

          Curtains & Carpet have to be the same colour. :p

          But I believe that last week she asked what a Blonde who is about to dye their hair gets Peroxide so maybe it was nothing more than that. 😀

          Col ]:)

        • #2586046

          What about if…

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Just provided that this one remembers that the

          The house doesnt have any carpet?? :p

        • #2586047

          I know, I know

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to True Colors

          With all the teasing I have been getting for being blonde I just thought what the hell I might as well give them good reason for taking the p!ss!!

        • #2586092

          Now you need to update your

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Confession Number 2

          South Park self…

          come on now, lets see the new YOU (southpark style)!

        • #2586045

          Yes Just gotta…

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Now you need to update your

          Scrawl through the past few yuks until I find the link for it, unless anyone has it saved to save me time!!

        • #2584173
        • #2584138

          Thanks :)

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Did it for you

          I’ll show you my new hair some time today 🙂

        • #2584075

          So Here It Is

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Did it for you

          Complete with angel wings, halo, teddy bear and lollipop because I am soooo pure 😀

          Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

        • #2586437

          GG HELP!!!

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to So Here It Is

          It appears that, in trying to convince HAL that she is pure, she has gone over the deep end and is, in fact, becoming too pure.
          You need to get your subjects back in line and make them impure again before your empire falls…

          Wait, Halo and Angels wings, hmmm. Kinda hot!!! Do you levitate too???

        • #2586811

          MY EMPIRE WILL NEVER FALL….. X-(

          by gadgetgirl ·

          In reply to GG HELP!!!

          All I have to do is mention a few “choice words” to a few people on here, and the Impure Brigade will respond….. (DE)

          For Stef, I dare say it would be phrases like:

          Remember my 14″-er from jd?
          Recall what we paid to get the vibrating seats in the batmobile
          don’t you miss that red glow in the sky?
          squirty cream
          body choc
          muller fruit corner

          Now. Watch her sprinkle her posts liberally with references to these phrases, and indeed the phrases themselves….. she’s still impure…..

          As for you, w2k, fancy asking a grown woman about her habits! Stop those levitatious remarks at once!

          ]:)

          GG

        • #2586633

          Sorry, Sorry, (bowing), my apologies M’Lady

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to MY EMPIRE WILL NEVER FALL….. X-(

          I really should not have interrupted or asked about levitations, or commented on anything regarding the status of your empire.
          Please forgive me, and do not ‘off me’ for this offense…
          Also, please do not shackle me and put me in the dungeon. :0
          wait, maybe a shackling and dungeon thing may not be soo bad… Who would be joining me???

        • #2586841

          Halo and Wings

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to So Here It Is

          Of course I levitate!! 😉

    • #2585487

      Ahhhgh – I’ve got shredded feet

      by deadly ernest ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      Earlier today I drove into Wagga, about 60 kms away, for a job interview. had lunch and drove back. Was a bit tired and went to have a nap.

      Scene setting.
      Lately, my cat (Andy – as in Andy Cat or handicap) has taken to sleeping on top of my bed, regardless of if I’m using it or not – and he ain’t light. I have a bad back and some pillows along the side of the bed to rest my leg on when sleeping on my side.

      I get ready to lie down. No cat in sight – no problem, this time of day he’s usually outside for a while. Sit on bed, roll and shove feet into centre of bed. Hit something warm and furry, and it scratches hell out of my feet. I said appropriate words upon finding where the cat is hiding – first time for over two years he’s climbed under the covers (so long I’d forgotten he does that at times), must have been a colder day than I thought.

      Rapidly remove feet, leave bed and spend time applying antiseptic to various wounds on feet.

      Time to get back at cat – liberal doses of antiseptic (tea tree oil – it has a VERY astringent citrus like smell). Go back to bed, stick feet under covers – exit cat very rapidly – tea tree oil is very near to the top of his ‘I don’t like that smell list.’

      He’s not talking to me at the moment, and I hurt when I walk – so I guess it’s a draw.

      • #2585478

        Old Age

        by nicknielsen ·

        In reply to Ahhhgh – I’ve got shredded feet

        How To Get A Policeman When You Need One.

        George was going up to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

        He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” and he said “no”. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.

        George said, “Okay”, hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. “Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now cause I’ve just shot them all.” Then he hung up.

        Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at George’s residence and caught them burglars red-handed.

        One of the Policemen said to George: “I thought you said that you’d shot them”.

        George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available”

        =====

        This letter was sent to the principal’s office of a middle school in Florida after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind.

        Dear Harbor Middle School:

        God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it’s nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

        My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass.

        Thank you for that opportunity.

        Sincerely,
        Edna

    • #2585448

      HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR:2029

      by critch ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR:2029

      Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .
      White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.
      Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
      Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
      Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
      Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
      France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
      Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
      George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
      Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
      85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
      Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
      Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
      Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
      Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights.
      Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
      New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
      Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
      IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
      Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

      • #2583542

        I love it!

        by w2ktechman ·

        In reply to HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR:2029

        “Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. ” — right on!

        “France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.” — I doubt this, but maybe by Switzerland or something… :^0

        “Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. ” — This isnt in regards to Steffi is it???? From what I have heard of course. She has always been good to/for me!

        “Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights. ” — I see this one coming….

        “New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.” — Ok, take out the rolled newspapers (they wont be around in 2029) and this is probably quite accurate.

    • #2585446

      A DENTED BLONDE

      by critch ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      A DENTED BLONDE!

      A blonde was driving home one night when she suddenly found herself in the
      middle of a bad hail storm. The hailstones were the size of golf balls.
      Her car was dented beyond description.

      The next day, she took it to a repair shop. Noticing that she was blonde,
      the technician decided to have some fun. He told her to take the car home
      and blow real hard into the tailpipe and the dents would pop out.

      When she got home, she started blowing into the tailpipe as she was
      instructed. At that moment, her blonde girlfriend drove by and saw her
      puffing on the tailpipe.

      Thinking the worst, the friend was startled and said, “What are you
      doing?”

      She said that the man at the body shop told her to blow into the tail pipe
      real hard and the dents would pop out.

      Her girlfriend said, “Well, duhhhhhh! You need to roll up the windows
      first!”

    • #2585445

      More Blondes

      by critch ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      How can you tell a smart blonde from a dumb blonde….the smart blondes
      have dark roots.

      Why don’t blondes eat pickles…because they get their heads stuck in the
      jar.

      Why does the blonde wear underclothes…to keep her ankles warm.

      Why did the blonde get fired from the M & M factory…she threw out all
      of the W’s.

      How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday…tell her a joke on Friday.

      What do you call a zit on a blonde’s butt…brain tumor.

      Why don’t blondes make kool-aid…can’t fit 8 cups of water in the little
      packages.

      What do you call a blonde with half a brain…gifted.

      Why do blondes have T.G.I.F. printed on their shoes…stands for Toes Go
      In First.

      How many blondes does it take to change a tire…5–2 to get sodas, 2 to
      cry and 1 to call daddy.

      How do you kill a blonde…put spikes in her shoulder pads.

      How do you give a blonde a brain transplant…blow in her ear.

      What do blondes and beer bottles have in common…they’re both empty from
      the neck up.

      Why did the blonde cross the road…never mind that, what’s she doing out
      of the bedroom?

      What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear…thanks for the refill.

      What’s the mating call of a brunette…Is that darn blonde gone yet?

      Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink…that’s where you wash
      vegetables.

      How do you get a blonde’s eyes to sparkle…shine a light in her ear.

      What’s the advantage of being married to a blonde…you can park in
      handicapped zones.

      What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you…pull the pin and
      throw it back.

      What’s the mating call of a blonde…I think I’m drunk.

      How does a blonde turn on the lights after sex…opens the car door.

      Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress…to keep her neck warm.

      Why did the blonde have square boobs…she forgot to take the tissues out
      of the box.

      Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall…to see what was on the
      other side.

      What do blondes and cow pies have in common…the older they get, the
      easier they are to pick up.

      How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb…6 – 2 to read the
      instructions, 1 to find the switch, 2 to stand on, 1 to screw the bulb.

      How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb…two…one to hold
      the diet pepsi and one to call daaaady.

      The blonde stayed up all night to see where the sun went…it finally
      dawned on her.

      How did the blonde commit suicide…she dyed by her own hand.

      Brunette to the blonde…Awww, look at the dead birdie…the blonde
      stopped, looks up and says, “where”?

      How do you know a blonde has been working at your computer…there is
      “white-out” all over the screen.

      How can you tell if another blonde been using the computer …there’s
      writing on the “white-out”.

      Why do blondes wear ear muffs?…to avoid the draft.

      What’s the mating call of the blonde…”I’m soooo drunk”

      What’s the mating call of the ugly blonde…(screaming) ” I’m drunk!”

      What’s the mating call of the brunette?…all the blonds have gone home.

      What is the blonde doing when she hold her hands over her ears…trying to
      hold on to a thought.

      Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?…
      because it said “concentrate”.

      Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet…she thought it was diet coke.

      Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering…
      the noise gave her a headache.

      Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips…from trying to blow out
      lightbulbs.

      Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar…she heard that the
      drinks were on the house.

      Why don’t blondes have elevator jobs…they don’t know the route.

      Why does blondes have elevator jobs…they like going up and down.

      Why do blondes work seven days a week…so you don’t have to retrain them
      on Monday.

      What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons…
      you can also sit upright in a car.

      • #2585425

        ‘nother one

        by heml0ck ·

        In reply to More Blondes

        Three women are sitting in a doctors office waiting for their pregnancy test results.
        The Brunette says, “If I’m pregnant it will be a girl because I was on the bottom.”
        The red head replies,”If I’m pregnant I will have a boy because I was on top.”
        The Blonde stops, thinks a minute and says, “If I’m pregnant, then I’m gonna have puppies !”

      • #2583527

        One more

        by tryten ·

        In reply to More Blondes

        They say blondes have more fun.
        Unfortunately they also have more VD…kinda goes with the territory.

    • #2585442

      The Fur Coat

      by critch ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      The Fur Coat

      “That’s real a beautiful fur coat,” a friend remarked, “but don’t you
      pity the poor beast who suffered so that you might have it?” The women
      replied, “Why are you suddenly worried about my husband?”

    • #2585441

      redneck vasectomy

      by heml0ck ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was
      enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to
      his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have
      any more children.

      The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
      could fix the problem but that it was expensive. “A less costly
      alternative,” said the doctor, “is to go home, get a cherry bomb,”
      (fireworks are legal in Alabama) “light it, put it in a beercan, then
      hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.”

      The redneck said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest tool in the
      shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my
      ear is going to help me.”Trust me,” said the doctor.

      So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He
      held the can up to his ear and began to count: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…

      At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and
      resumed counting on his other hand. This procedure also works in
      Kentucky, Arkansas, Mississippi, and WestVirginia.

      • #2583516

        Redneck contraceptives?

        by nicknielsen ·

        In reply to redneck vasectomy

        After the birth of their 10th child, the Arkansas couple had reached the end of their financial rope and asked their doctor how not to have any more children. The doctor discussed various methods with them, but their financial state was such that everything, even the most basic such as c0nd0ms, was completely out of their reach.

        The doctor thought for a moment, then said to the wife, “When you get home, find a 10-gallon pickle crock. Each night when you go to bed, place your feet in the crock and leave them there all night.

        Ten months later, the woman is back in the hospital, giving birth to child number 11. The doctor asked, “Didn’t you use the pickle crock like I told you?”

        The husband responded “Well, Doc, we couldn’t find a ten-gallon crock, so we used two fives.”

    • #2585440

      The Rancher’s Wife

      by heml0ck ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      There once was a successful rancher who died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch and make a go of it, but she knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

      Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

      She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

      He turned out to be a fantastic worker, worked long hard hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing really well.

      Then one day the rancher’s wife said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great, you should go into town and kick up your heels.” The hired hand agreed readily, and Saturday night went to town.

      However, one o’clock came and he didn’t return. Two o’clock and no hired hand, finally two thirty, in came the hired hand. The rancher’s wife was sitting by the fireplace and quietly called him over to her.

      “Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.

      Trembling, he did as she asked.

      “Now take off my boots.”

      He did so, slowly.

      “Now take off my socks.”

      He did.

      “Now take off my skirt.”

      He did.

      “Now take off my bra.”

      Again with trembling hands he did as she asked.

      “Now,” she said, “take off my panties.”

      He slowly pulled them down.

      Then she looked at him and said, “Don’t you ever wear my clothes to town again!!”

    • #2585434

      THE blonde joke

      by heml0ck ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.
      She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: “I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M.”
      Signed, The Blonde.
      She pinned the note inside the little boy’s jacket and told him to go straight home.
      The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed.
      Inside the bag was the following note, “Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!”

    • #2585433

      the new guy….

      by heml0ck ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

      “John,” the new guy replied.

      The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only – Smith, Jones, Baker – that’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”

      The new guy sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”

      “Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is…”

    • #2585431

      Geek Pick Up lines…

      by heml0ck ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      “Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on ‘stunning.'”

      – “I can’t help it — my eyes are trapped in the gravitational field of your breasts!!”

      – “Nice Asimov.”

      – “Not only can I beam you aboard, I can beam you a woody.”

      – “Earth woman, prepare to be probed!”

      – “I’m the droid you’re looking for.”

      – “Is that a spare Vulcan ear in your pocket or… well, I’m just asking because some jerk in the parking lot pulled off one of my Vulcan ears.”

      – “Hey, baby. I own Microsoft.”

      – “Your mouth says, ‘Shields up!’, but your eyes say, ‘A hull breach is imminent.'”

      – “If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you watch me masturbate while I download pictures of Jeri Ryan?”

    • #2585424

      three men…

      by heml0ck ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      An Englishman, a Canadian and an American were captured by terrorists.

      The terrorist leader said, “Before we shoot you, you will be allowed last words. Please let me know what you wish to talk about.”

      The Englishman replied, “I wish to speak of loyalty and service to the crown.”

      The Canadian replied, “Since you are involved in a question of national purpose, national identity, and secession, I wish to talk about the history of constitutional process in Canada, special status, distinct society and uniqueness within diversity.”

      The American replied, “Just shoot me before the Canadian starts talking.”

    • #2585417

      pi$$ing and moaning

      by critch ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her Telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

      The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.

      He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber’s
      house. The phone didn’t ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

      Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
      1. The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
      2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
      3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
      4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
      5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

      Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

      Just thought you’d like to know.

    • #2585416

      WalMart Greeter

      by inkling ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into a WalMart with her two kids in tow. The woman is screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

      She’s dressed in dirty jeans, a greast t-shirt with holes in it and wearing flip-flops exposing her rcracked and filthy toenails.

      When she yells at the kids, she exposes her yellowed crooked teeth (more than a few are missing).

      The WalMart greeter says, “Good morning and welcome to WalMart. Nice children you’ve got there. Are they twins?”

      The ugly woman stops screaming at the kids long enough to reply, “Hell no they ain’t! The oldest one, he’s nine and the younger one, she’s seven. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Do you really think they look alike?”

      “No,” replies the greeter, “I just couldn’t believe someone would have sex with you twice.”

      ——–

      Computer Crashes by Dr. Seuss:

      If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

      If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash, then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s gonna crash!

      If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connectd to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall…

      And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, ‘cuz sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang.

      When the copy on your floppy’s getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions cause unwanted risk, then you’ll have to flash the BIOS and you’ll want to RAM your ROM, just quickly turn the darn thing off and run to tell your Mom!

      • #2583539

        Nice!

        by w2ktechman ·

        In reply to WalMart Greeter

        “No,” replies the greeter, “I just couldn’t believe someone would have sex with you twice.”

        That would be funny to bet ‘there’ for…. 🙂

    • #2583630

      slow yuk….

      by heml0ck ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      Q: What do urine samples and American beer have in common?
      A: The taste.

      A French guest who was staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper. “Black pepper, or white pepper?” asked the concierge.
      “Toilette pepper!”

      A man tells his wife that he’s going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it’s closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he’s in this girl’s apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM.

      “Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!” he exclaimed. “Quick give me some talcum powder!”

      She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she’s furious. “Where the hell have you been!”

      He says, “Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her.” “Let me see your hands!” she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

      “Damn liar, you were out bowling again!”

      A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he says. “I’m going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.”

      The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
      “Where do you think you going?” the wife asks.
      “I’m coming with you…I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!”

      • #2583573

        I am insulted!

        by dryflies ·

        In reply to slow yuk….

        Before I rant about the beer insult here’s a yuk

        A manager was trying to hire a new assistant and could not decide which one to hire of the 3 final candidates. So he gives each of them 10000 dollars and tells them to return in a month and to do the best they can with the money. A month later the three candidates return. The first invested the money and came back with twice as much.
        The second used sound strategies to increase the value by 50%. The third squandered the money on clothes and makeup. Whiuch one did he hire?

        The one with the biggest boobs!

        While I have to admit there is some american beer that resembles your remark, with the exception of the southeast, oklahoma in particular, we have some of the best beer in the world. Now I am not talking american budweiser or coors, miller or Michelob, Not even Sam Adams. but in most areas of the US their are regional breweries that have great stouts and porters, IPAs and Ambers, Bocks and lagers that are as good as any available in the world. so don’t bitch about american beer until you have had a representative sample.

        • #2583555

          Just walk away…..

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to I am insulted!

          If you look at the top few selling “beers” in the US, it is pretty embarrassing.

          I went out with an old friend last weekend to catch up on what has been happening in our lives. He got insulted because I turned down what he was offering to buy.

          Sorry, but I have to be a lot thirstier than I was, AND have NO other options before I will drink BUSH LITE on tap. :p

        • #2583533

          Pfft…

          by inkling ·

          In reply to Just walk away…..

          The best selling brands are NOT an accurate representation of our best beers.

          My two current favorites are (and I encourage other beer lovers to check them out):

          Old Foghorn (Anchor Brewing Company – San Francisco) – This is a barleywine-style ale. Another great one is Bigfoot (Sierra Nevada). Be prepared to drop a few bucks though…a six-pack for either of these usually runs around $14-$16.

          Three Philosophers (Ommegang) – This is a belgian-style ale brewed in New York. This one is a bit pricey also…~$7 for a 25.4oz corked bottle or ~$13 for a four-pack of bottles. Also check out Abbey Ale by Ommegang which is a bit cheaper.

          I rarely let other people buy me beer. First, because I have very particular tastes and second, those tastes are fairly expensive.

          I refuse to drink Bud, Miller, etc., in any of its forms.

        • #2583504

          Actually, best selling is representative

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Pfft…

          of the majority of the beer drank in the US, or it wouldn’t be the best selling, now would it?

          Just because you and I DO have some standards does not change what the norm is.

          Just like the crap that passes for “popular” in movies, music, and tv, popular does not equal good.

          (He was offering to buy me drinks because it was my birthday.)

          As for beer, I only drink it because I don’t like it as much as the hard stuff, so I drink less during the night, saving a lot of money on a night out.

        • #2583494

          Yes, a few of us have discriminating taste :D

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Actually, best selling is representative

          I like Bass Ale, Some Sam Adams varieties…

          But I love a good Weissbier!

          Hacker Pschor or Dinkel Acker.

        • #2583491

          You missed my point.

          by inkling ·

          In reply to Actually, best selling is representative

          Just because they are the best selling, doesn’t make them representative of the quality of beer we are ABLE to (and DO) produce.

        • #2586000

          missing the point??

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to You missed my point.

          i think the point to be taken is that this is the Friday Yuk post..

          meant to be funny..and i laughed at it..cause most people think Bud when they think american beer..
          sorry mate but i’ve got Bud adds on my TV 27-7 telling me its the best america has to offer…
          maybe thats why the joke was funny?

          🙂

        • #2585873

          Wow…

          by pringles86 ·

          In reply to missing the point??

          “…i’ve got Bud adds on my TV 27-7 telling…”

          I didn’t know you guys had 27 hours a day over there in Ireland, that would be awesome.

          I do agree though, Bud is the beer of America. We do have much better beers than that though. I would have to already be completely trashed to drink that stuff.

        • #2585815

          I was just thinking that

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Wow…

          27-7 — I guess Shelli is having Math problems again. Either that or she is a genius who has found an additional 3 HOURS in each day. If that is the case, I need the secret desperately….

        • #2585860

          Pringles..

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to You missed my point.

          hahahaha..ya got me there..
          well, its the Irish way like..the days are just that much longer here..

          I know you have better..can’t pay me to drink Bud..drink canadian beer..tis much better ]:)
          (guess my nationality)

        • #2585790

          crazy tree hugging, hockey playing canuk

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to You missed my point.

          http://www.bearwhiz.com/

          real beer!

          😀

        • #2585774

          Would that be your favorite brand???

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to crazy tree hugging, hockey playing canuk

          Lol, that was great. I may just order a shirt…

        • #2586667

          This random max level is BS!

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to You missed my point.

          I get max level reached, and then people come along and go two levels deeper! WTF is up with that? X-(

          Anyways, about the shirt. follow the link back to the main page and more are available.

          “It’s in the water!” 😀

        • #2586662

          You can figure it out

          by pringles86 ·

          In reply to This random max level is BS!

          It isn’t hard to go past the max level. You can send me a peer mail if you can’t figure it out.

        • #2586616

          This just isn’t FAIR!

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to You can figure it out

          Am I the ONLY one that doesn’t know this? :0

          No matter what I do, or try to do, I can’t get it to… oh… wait… I can feel something happen…. (cleanup in lane 5) 😀

        • #2586570

          It is a plot against YOU

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to This just isn’t FAIR!

          and only YOU from posting your foul comments on the Internet!!! — :^0

        • #2586491

          Just you wait!

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to It is a plot against YOU

          One of these daze I will figure out how to do what I am doing right now, and then I too will be able to post as I please!

          Just like a Saturday night. Going deeper and deeper, into the discussion…..

        • #2585398

          Please Stop

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Just you wait!

          This conversation is giving me a head ache!

          Its confusing me (and before you say it I know thats not difficult) 🙁

        • #2585379

          Bloody Hell! The air’s thin up here!

          by neilb@uk ·

          In reply to Please Stop

          Now how do I get down! :_|

        • #2585350

          Neil, You Don’t!!

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Bloody Hell! The air’s thin up here!

          We have took away the ladders 😉 your stuck up here 😀

        • #2585322

          Good Move! ;)

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Neil, You Don’t!!

          taking away his escape….

        • #2585364

          Confusing???

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Please Stop

          The idea of going deeper and deeper gives you a headache???
          That does not sound like the Steffi I know!

          Think of it like this. JD is finding Max level, and trying to penetrate further. In this way he will be defying the boundaries of his posts. since the 14″er wasnt enough for him (had to give it to GG) now he needs to find a new way to get to the desired depth. :^0

        • #2585353

          Hmmm I see, I think.

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Confusing???

          Does it mean that JD’s 14″-er is growing in size? Maybe he’s using it to raise money to help me n GG n Shell get back what we spent on the vibrating batmobile seats? Or maybe he wants to draw peoples attention to the red glow in the sky?

          Whatever it is he’s doing I think he needs to use plenty of squirty cream, body choc and even a muller fruit corner to help him do it properly 😉

          See GG I knew I could do it too 🙂

          Just incase anyone wonders what the hell i’m talking about http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=225457&messageID=2256450

          😀

        • #2585321

          Steffi, you are back!

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Hmmm I see, I think.

          But you missed the first part. Its not growing, just he has outgrown the use of the 14″er and has started using a larger size.. :0 :^0

        • #2585195

          Back?

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Steffi, you are back!

          You don’t really think I went anywhere do you :p

        • #2598553

          PDT = “[b]P[/b]retty [b]D[/b]umb [b]T[/b]echs”?

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Back?

          So, now that I have dove deeper and deeper into the bush, to see what I can see, I notice after a certain level, they say “PDT” under the Members ID.

          When will it end?

          This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…

        • #2598550

          Ok, now that is just rude…..

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to PDT = “[b]P[/b]retty [b]D[/b]umb [b]T[/b]echs”?

          First it was saying people were pretty dumb techs, and then for my last one it say that I AM a pretty dumb tech?

          :0

          oh, the humanity, the humanity……

        • #2598543

          oh, I see…..

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Ok, now that is just rude…..

          it is the pacific daylight, wrapped around…..

          :8}

          [i]edited to fix blush….

        • #2598538

          JD DID A NEIL! JD DID A NEIL!

          by gadgetgirl ·

          In reply to oh, I see…..

          JD DID A NEIL! JD DID A NEIL!

          sorry, Fridayitis is abso-flippin-lutely raging after 4.5 days of rain…..

          😡

          GG

        • #2598539

          by gadgetgirl ·

          In reply to Ok, now that is just rude…..

          humanity?! humanity??!!

          😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

          I [i] think [/i] you meant…..

          HUMILIATION!

          :p :p :p :p

          GG

          😡

        • #2598570

          Leave it to gg

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to

          she couldn’t do a “reach around”, so she did a wrap around instead…. :0

          B-)

          😡

        • #2598549

          You’re bored, arent’ you???

          by gadgetgirl ·

          In reply to PDT = “[b]P[/b]retty [b]D[/b]umb [b]T[/b]echs”?

          sick of diving “deeper and deeper into the bush” ??

          ;\

          😉

          ;\

          ]:)

          GG

        • #2598545

          Bored?

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to You’re bored, arent’ you???

          Just looking to give this thing a trim! :0

          deep is good….. ]:)

          😡

        • #2598524

          Oh I agree

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Bored?

          I love it deep 🙂

          Keep going deeper JD 😉

        • #2598513

          As you wish my dear….

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Oh I agree

          Just remember the old saying, “ears are handles” :0

          😡

        • #2586428

          I’ve had quite a few American beers….

          by heml0ck ·

          In reply to Pfft…

          I’ve even had Three Philosophers… It’s not bad…
          For the record, the rise of craft breweries has had nothing but a positive influence on beer making worldwide. Even Bugwasher is getting in on the game, buying up smaller breweries and then letting them do their thing.
          Here in Canada we’ve seen the same thing.
          Unfortunately, the major manufacturers still flog their “signature” brands. It is just too bad that most of them are so bland.

        • #2583528

          I did let a guy buy me a beer once

          by nicknielsen ·

          In reply to Just walk away…..

          My brother-in-law. He got offended when I sipped, put it down, and said, “I thought you were going to buy me a beer, not pee into my glass!”

          Some people just don’t have a sense of humor… 😀

        • #2584646

          Where are Steffi, et al, winking and nodding about guys buying guys a beer?

          by daveo2000 ·

          In reply to I did let a guy buy me a beer once

        • #2584602

          I had expected Mae to

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Where are Steffi, et al, winking and nodding about guys buying guys a beer?

          jump all over JD.
          I also expected someone to comment further about the guy buying a guy a beer thing. But it seems to be a tad slow here right now.

        • #2586766

          Honestly I can say that I have never expected

          by daveo2000 ·

          In reply to I had expected Mae to

          Mae to jump all over JD. With all of the beer buying, maybe they could go for a beer after the show… ]:)

        • #2584601

          By the way, Steffi is spending

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Where are Steffi, et al, winking and nodding about guys buying guys a beer?

          ‘quality time’ with her husband (sick) instead of playing with all of us… 🙁

          And Hal will not use his contacts to rid us of the pest (cause it will bring her back here)… 🙁

          So it is time to endure the Steffi crisis for a few more days. Afterwards, she may be too worn out to play as well (but I doubt it). Soon, she will be back to play with us again (in a good way…..but maybe not). 🙂

        • #2584432

          I Apologise!

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Where are Steffi, et al, winking and nodding about guys buying guys a beer?

          I wasn’t here this weekend and that meant you guys took over the yuk! Jeez, beer talk whats up with that?? c’mon now thats hardly yuk talk is it??

          And I’ll be here for a few hours today but I’m all back and normal tommorrow!!

        • #2584364

          I missed the opportunity to discuss JD and his ‘date’ choice…

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to Where are Steffi, et al, winking and nodding about guys buying guys a beer?

          I was out of town all weekend and missed all the fun.

          Oh well, he makes himself a handy target on a regular basis. I can wait. 🙂

        • #2585015

          Oh, for sure Mae

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to I missed the opportunity to discuss JD and his ‘date’ choice…

          After all, someone doesn’t get to be as “long in the tooth” as someone like you without learning to wait for just the right victim to wander too closely to your web….. :0

          😡

        • #2585011

          Bless your heart…

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to I missed the opportunity to discuss JD and his ‘date’ choice…

          Sweetie..we’re in the same decade now. And I look GOOD for my age. In fact, I got carded this weekend buying beer at a grocery store. When was the last time YOU got carded?

        • #2584994

          I just got “carded” yesterday…..

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to I missed the opportunity to discuss JD and his ‘date’ choice…

          [i]when I bought my fishing license….[/i]

        • #2583521

          Why is American Beer like making love in a canoe?

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Just walk away…..

          Because it’s F****ING close to water!

        • #2583513

          Whatsammata you – Thats a Canadian joke….

          by jamesrl ·

          In reply to Why is American Beer like making love in a canoe?

          You one of them immigrants?

          James

        • #2583501

          Why is American Beer NOT like making love in a canoe?

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Why is American Beer like making love in a canoe?

          one of them is good….. :p

        • #2585006

          American Beer

          by dspeacock ·

          In reply to Just walk away…..

          Even after 8 years living down here, I still find American beer to be exactly like sex in a canoe.

          Shiner Bock is the only one I have found that tastes like beer. Otherwise I’ll drink Molson, Labatt, German, Brit and in a pinch Aussie beer. After that, Corona, Dos Equis and Tecate.

          (edited to try to remain in the pure section)

        • #2585995

          mmmmmmmmm

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to American Beer

          on the 29th of this month i shall induldge in an ice cold Molsen.

          life will be good…haven’t had one in about 5 years

        • #2583531

          Let’s be real

          by nicknielsen ·

          In reply to I am insulted!

          The top-selling beer in the USA is Bud Light (http://www.realbeer.com/blog/?p=230). To the rest of the world, the nearly flavorless stuff that Anheiser-Busch, Miller, and Coors brew is American beer.

          The worst non-American beer I can remember drinking 😉 was a Belgian concoction named Jupiler 5. The folks I was with called it JP5 and it almost tasted like jet fuel. But it was still better than the mainstream American beers.

          Edit: danged typos

        • #2583512

          Come on up

          by jamesrl ·

          In reply to Let’s be real

          http://www.thebiermarkt.com/home.html

          100 beers to sample in one place.

          If you can’t find something you like here, you aren’t trying hard enough.

          James

        • #2583496

          We’ve got something like that in Columbia

          by nicknielsen ·

          In reply to Come on up

          http://tinyurl.com/3xmw7z

          But it’s not so pretentious as to call itself a “brasserie.” 😉

          It’s just a bar with a kitchen…but what a selection!

        • #2583492

          On the scale of things….

          by jamesrl ·

          In reply to We’ve got something like that in Columbia

          A brasserie is a bar that serves beer and some food. A bistro is a casual restaurant – beer or wine – better food than a brasserie.

          The Bier Market is a Belgian type brasserie, though we have lots of “french” brasseries in Quebec. They have a lot of beers from around the world, but an emphasis on Belgian (about 20).

          Generally though I like english pub food, I find brasserie food is usually just a little better.

          James

        • #2583470

          My wife wears one — sometimes

          by dryflies ·

          In reply to We’ve got something like that in Columbia

          A brassier, that is 😉

          University market here in Corvallis I do not know how many beers they have but the market is a half block long and the beer wall is half that, floor to ceiling. from all over the world.
          My favorite is black butte porter which is available in most of the western US and is brewed about an hour from here. For a lager, Grolsch early in the year but for some reason it turns skunky by march. We also have McMennamin’s which brews their own and sells it in their own pubs. OOhh Black widow Stout! I think i live in beer heaven!

        • #2583459

          Try these

          by jamesrl ·

          In reply to My wife wears one — sometimes

          http://www.unibroue.com/our_beers_eng.html

          You have to try Maudite to believe it.

          James

        • #2584452

          food in bars

          by half9 ·

          In reply to We’ve got something like that in Columbia

          All our bars have food available, and the ones with restaurants have bar meals. The same as the restaurant but served in the bar without the trimmings and a lot cheaper average $6-12, most come with a pint included in the price. So I aways go for a Black Mac or Export Gold, good strong nz beer, some of the best in the world

        • #2585046

          Been there

          by captbilly1eye ·

          In reply to We’ve got something like that in Columbia

          Nice place.
          They should come up with a ‘passport’ kinda thing where you get a stamp for each beer you’ve tried. I keep forgetting which ones I’ve had before.

        • #2584873

          Beer passport

          by nicknielsen ·

          In reply to Been there

          They’ve got something like that. You get your name on a plate on the wall after you hit 200 or something like that.

          I like beer, but I’m not so fond of the Flying Saucer that I’d spend 100-200 nights in there just to get my name on the wall.

        • #2586420

          thanks James!

          by heml0ck ·

          In reply to Come on up

          The next time I’m in town, I’ll have to go!

          I’m surprised it is a Prime Restaurant tho’!

        • #2583520

          Quantity versus Quality

          by jamesrl ·

          In reply to I am insulted!

          I’ve been all over the US, and yes I’ve had some great microbrews in Portland, but lets face it, the vast majority of what the “average” beer drinker in the US consumes is pretty awful dreck.

          And I’ve tried much of it. In my university days we had a beer strike and had to drink US imports. I’m not a huge fan of Canadian breweries high volume products either.

          James

        • #2583493

          Quality is relative

          by nicknielsen ·

          In reply to Quantity versus Quality

          When I was growing up in upstate New York, we used to make regular runs to Montreal just so we could get “real” beer. (That was back during the last days of Utica “We still let Nature ma-a-ake the beer!” Club .)

    • #2583617

      Cowboy Pick-up line

      by gsg ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

      The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

      “No”, he replies, “I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.”

      The intrigued woman says, “a state-of-the-art watch?” “What’s so special about it?”

      The cowboy explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

      The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”

      “Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.”

      “The woman giggles and replies “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”

      The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, “Damn thing’s an hour fast”.

    • #2583612

      WORLD PEACE

      by critch ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      “WORLD PEACE”

      Three guys — a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American
      Engineer are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and
      a Genie pops out of it.

      “I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total” says
      the Genie.

      The Canadian farmer says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my
      son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada.”

      Pooooof! With a blink of the Genie’s eye, the land in Canada was
      forever made fertile for farming.

      Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, “I want an impenetrable wall
      around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran with all believers of Mohammad
      inside and all Jews, Americans, and other infidel forever outside our
      precious state.

      Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie’s eye, there was a huge
      wall around those countries.

      The American engineer asks, “I am very curious. Please tell me more
      about this wall”. The Genie explains, “Well, it’s 5000 feet high, 500
      feet thick and completely surrounds these countries. . . it’s
      virtually impenetrable. Now what is your wish?”

      The American engineer smiles and says, “Fill it with water.”

      Pooooof!

      WORLD PEACE!!!

    • #2583608

      Viagra and spam

      by deadly ernest ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      I just checked one of my Google mail accounts and noticed in a few hours it has heaps of spam, all about viagra or caillis – a similar drug.

      Now this makes me wonder, with all those people out there spamming to sell their sex drugs like viagra – did the USA drug manufacturers over produce and now have several billion tonnes of excess drugs to shift – is that why they have so many people out spamming to sell their drugs?

      • #2583586

        VIagra and Rogaine…. DANGEROUS DRUG INTERACTION!!!

        by locrian_lyric ·

        In reply to Viagra and spam

        Studies report patients ended up with “Don King” hair.

        • #2584528

          hmmmmm

          by captbilly1eye ·

          In reply to VIagra and Rogaine…. DANGEROUS DRUG INTERACTION!!!

          I thought that combo led to hairy palms.

        • #2584508

          LOL

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to hmmmmm

          I believe it leads to hairy palms if you are alone when they are taken. Else your pubes grow massively. In this case, a weed whacker would be needed to trim… :^0

        • #2586111

          JD takes Viagra……………. ;-)

          by sleepin’dawg ·

          In reply to LOL

          to prevent falling out of bed :^0

        • #2586089

          I thought it was to prove to people

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to JD takes Viagra……………. ;-)

          that he was not a girl… :0
          to prove that he is bigger than Mae… :0
          so that he has a place to hold a third item…

          Oops, did I type that??? :0 :^0

        • #2585969

          the reason

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to I thought it was to prove to people

          when I am bringing some lovely young [b]FEMALE[/b] breakfast in bed, I can carry coffee, the morning paper, and a dozen doughnuts, all in one trip…. :0

        • #2585947

          Female in bold!

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to the reason

          Not a good sign! 😉 Over protesting again dear??

          And your very talented being able to balance the plate containg donuts on top of a cup, but really its nothing to brag about :p

        • #2585770

          Hal’s contacts said

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to the reason

          that, that was not really a female… :0
          Apparently you forgot to check
          :^0
          :^0

        • #2585933

          no protest

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to I thought it was to prove to people

          just a clarification. Let Mae earn it today! :p

          I know the lob pitches bore her….

          😡

        • #2585970

          think of it as

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to JD takes Viagra……………. ;-)

          a kick stand, but without the kick…. :0

        • #2585964

          why JD

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to think of it as

          if we’d have know that…. ]:)

          So you back with us then for a bit??

        • #2585954

          I’m in “hurry up and wait” mode, Shell

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to think of it as

          We are in the process of moving all of our servers off of SCO OpenServer and RedHat, over to SuSE Ent. Got the first system moved over, running diagnostics on the next system while I wait for the software/hardware I told them I would need a MONTH ago that still hasn’t been ordered….. ~sigh~

          So today looks like it will be play day, and then back on the road for the next two and then back onto the server migration.

        • #2585966

          aarrgg

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to LOL

          geez thats left a nasty image in my mind!!!

          ah man..

      • #2583488

        Local pharmacy broken into, and viagra stolen

        by jdclyde ·

        In reply to Viagra and spam

        The authorities are on the lookout for hardend criminals…..

    • #2583600

      The mayonnaise jar

      by critch ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar…and the beer.

      A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

      He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous “yes.” The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

      “Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things–your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions–things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else–the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. “Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

      One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

      The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers.”

    • #2583588

      DRAT!

      by locrian_lyric ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      I’ve got way too much on my mind….

      SENIOR MOMENT TIME!!!

      I just got the joke… and I first read it a few hours ago….

      They say that the SECOND thing to go when you get older is your memory….

      and the first thing is……

      I forget….

    • #2583549

      a Bit of Shel Silverstein I hope you will enjoy

      by critch ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      The Oyster Song

      Now, listen to me, folks?
      Here what I say.
      You got to eat oysters everyday
      They?ll put your love life back on track
      They?re nature?s own aphrodisiac.

      Ohh?ohhh?yes it?s true
      What a little oyster can do for you.
      Ohh?ohhh?ain?t it fun
      Here?s some things those oysters done?

      They made Jim Beam
      They made Allen Thick
      They made Jonathon Swift
      And they made Gracie Slick
      They made Victor Mature
      And they made Tom Petty
      They started Willie Waylon
      And they got Helen Reddy.
      They made Tom Cruise
      They made Oscar Wilde
      They gave Gary Hart
      But they gave Gomer Piles
      They made William Hurt
      They made Lucille Ball
      They made Wilson Picket
      And that ain?t all.

      Ohh?ohhh?yes it?s true
      What a little oyster can do for you.
      Ohh?ohhh?ain?t it fun
      Here?s some more those oysters done?

      They made Stevie Wonder
      And they made old John Wayne
      They made Saul Bellow
      And they made Thomas Paine
      Turned Clint Black
      And turned Barry White
      Made Doris? Day
      And Gladys? Knight.
      They gave Bob Hope
      They gave Percy Faith
      They made Marvin Gaye
      But they made George Straight
      They made Bobby?s Short
      And Lester?s Flatt
      And hey?they even did more than that.

      Ohh?ohhh?yes it?s true
      What a little oyster can do for you.
      Ohh?ohhh?ain?t it fun
      Here?s some more those oysters done?

      They got George Bush
      They made Bozo a Clown
      They got Bobby Bare
      And made Ezra Pound
      They made Gallo Wine
      They made Merle Haggart
      They made Andy Devine
      They made Jimmy Swagger
      They made Rich Little
      And made Hughie Long
      They made BB King
      And they made Neil?s Armstrong
      And if you ask my wife,
      She?ll tell you quite gaily
      Best of all they made old Pat Daily.

      Ohh?ohhh?yes it?s true
      What a little oyster can do for you.
      Ohh?ohhh?ain?t it fun
      That?s all about oysters
      Now we?re done.

      -Shel Silverstein

    • #2583543

      One Liners

      by bubba69 ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      Where do you get dragon milk?
      Short legged cows.
      —————–
      What do you tell a woman with a black eye?
      You already told her once!
      —————–
      Why did the man cross the road?
      He heard the chicken was a slut.

      • #2583529

        more one-liners.

        by locrian_lyric ·

        In reply to One Liners

        I sure miss my ex, but my aim’s improving.

        He hit rock-bottom, then proceeded to dig.

        His men will follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiousity.

        If you ever see two people talking and one of them seems terribly bored, he’d be the other one.

        Diplomacy is the act of saying “Nice dog!” while looking for a rock.

    • #2583536

      Quotes from Elwood P. Dowd

      by critch ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      Elwood P. Dowd, a mild-mannered, pleasant man, who just happens to have an invisible friend resembling a 6-foot 3 and a half-inch rabbit, named Harvey:

      * Here, let me give you one of my cards. Now if you should want to call me, use this number. That – that’s the old one. If you happen to lose the card, don’t worry – I – have plenty more.

      * Well, I’ve wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I’m happy to state I finally won out over it.

      * I always have a wonderful time, wherever I am, whoever I’m with.

      * Years ago my mother used to say to me, she’d say, “In this world, Elwood, you must be,” – she always called me Elwood – “In this world, you must be oh so smart, or oh so pleasant.” Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.

      * Wouldn’t that get a little monotonous, just Akron, cold beer and ‘poor, poor thing’ for two weeks?

      * Harvey and I have things to do… we sit in the bars… have a drink or two… play the juke box. Very soon the faces of all the other people turn towards me and they smile. They say: ‘We don’t know your name, mister, but you’re a very nice fellow.’ Harvey and I warm ourselves in these golden moments. We came as strangers – soon we have friends. They come over. They sit with us. They drink with us. They talk to us. They tell us about the great big terrible things they’ve done and the great big wonderful things they’re going to do. Their hopes, their regrets. Their loves, their hates. All very large, because nobody ever brings anything small into a bar. Then I introduce them to Harvey, and he’s bigger and grander than anything they can offer me. And when they leave, they leave impressed. The same people seldom come back, but that’s – that’s envy, my dear. There’s a little bit of envy in the best of us. That’s too bad, isn’t it?

      * I’d just helped Ed Hickey into a taxi. Ed had been mixing his whiskey with his rye, and I felt he needed conveying. I started to walk down the street when I heard a voice saying: ‘Good evening, Mr. Dowd’. I turned, and there was this big white rabbit leaning against a lamp-post. Well, I thought nothing of that, because when you’ve lived in a town as long as I’ve lived in this one, you get used to the fact that everybody knows your name. And naturally, I went over to chat with him.

      * We talked like that for a while and then I said to him, ‘You have the advantage on me. You know my name and I don’t know yours.’ And right back at me he said, ‘What name do you like?’ Well, I didn’t even have to think twice about that. Harvey’s always been my favorite name. So I said to him, I said, ‘Harvey.’ And, this – this is the interesting thing about the whole thing. He said, ‘What a coincidence. My name happens to be Harvey.’

      * Oh, yes! Yes. Yes – these things always work out just the way Harvey says they will. He is very, very versatile. Did I tell you he could stop clocks? Well, you’ve heard the expression ‘His face would stop a clock’? Well, Harvey can look at your clock and stop it. And you can go anywhere you like – with anyone you like – and stay as long as you like. And when you get back, not one minute will have ticked by. … You see, science has overcome time and space. Well, Harvey has overcome not only time and space – but any objections.

      * I plan to leave. You want me to stay. Well, an element of conflict in any discussion’s a very good thing. It means everybody is taking part and nobody is left out.

    • #2583480

      A Chicken, a Horse and a Harley Davidson

      by sleepin’dawg ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      A Chicken, a Horse and a Harley Davidson

      On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play
      together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and
      began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to
      go get the farmer for help!
      Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.
      Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no
      avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the
      chicken spied the farmer’s new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition,
      the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to
      save his friend’s life.
      Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken
      arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of
      rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear
      bumper of the farmer’s bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and
      with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse.
      Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse and the
      farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
      The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best
      Pals.
      A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too,
      began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
      The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
      Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and
      he would then lift him out of the pit.
      The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving
      his life.
      The moral of the story?
      When You’re Hung Like A Horse, You Don’t Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!!

    • #2583478

      “OLD” is when…

      by sleepin’dawg ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      “OLD” IS WHEN….. Your sweetie says, “Let’s go upstairs and make
      love,”and you answer, “Pick one, I can’t do both!”
      “OLD” IS WHEN….. Your friends compliment you on your new alligator
      shoes, and you’re barefoot.
      “OLD” IS WHEN….. A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens
      the garage door.
      “OLD” IS WHEN….. Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
      “OLD” IS WHEN….. You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as
      you don’t have to go along.
      “OLD” IS WHEN….. You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of
      by the police.
      “OLD” IS WHEN….. “Getting a little action” means I don’t need to take
      any fiber today.
      “OLD” IS WHEN….. “Getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking
      lot.
      “OLD” IS WHEN….. An “all-nighter” means not getting up to pee.

    • #2583475

      Passing Time in Prison

      by sleepin’dawg ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      Three convicts were on their way to prison. They were each allowed to bring
      along one item to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.
      On the bus, one turned to another and said, “So, what did you bring?”

      The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to
      paint anything he could. He wanted to become the “Grandma Moses of Jail.”
      Then he asked the first, “What did you bring?”
      The first convict pulled out a deck of cards, grinned and said, “I brought
      cards. I can play poker, gin and other games with a cellmate, or all sorts of
      different solitaire games when I’m by myself.”
      The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two
      took notice and asked, “Why are you so smug? What did you bring?”
      The guy pulled out a box of tampons, smiled and said, “I brought these.”
      The other two were puzzled and asked, “What can you do with those?”
      He grinned, pointed to the box and said, “Well according to the label, I can go
      horseback riding, swimming, roller skating….”

    • #2583393

      I actually have this as an image but the text is good…

      by tig2 ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      This page sucks and cannot be displayed

      The page you are looking for sucks and is currently unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, you may need to adjust your browser settings or it might suck.

      Please try the following:

      * Click the Refresh button, or smash your computer with a large hammer.
      * If you typed the page address in the Address bar, make sure that it is spelled correctly, you stupid idiotic moron.
      * To check your connection settings, open case with a screw driver then, fill with gasoline. Now take a match and proceed to ignite. The settings should match those provided by your local crazy arsonist (LCA) administrator and Internet service provider (ISP).
      * your Network Administrator is an idiot, Microsoft Windows can examine your network and automatically screw everything up.
      If you would like Windows to screw everything up,
      click Screw everything up
      * Some sites require Windows to suck more than normal. Click the Windows menu and then click Windows suck rate to determine what strength “Suck” you have installed.
      * If you are trying to reach a secure site, make sure you are not running Windows. Click the My Computer menu, and then right click Drive C:. On the Menu select “Format”.
      * Click the Back button to try another link.

      Cannot find server or DNS Error
      Internet Exploder

      • #2583289
        Avatar photo

        So Tig how did last weekends training walk go?

        by hal 9000 ·

        In reply to I actually have this as an image but the text is good…

        Are you now fully prepared for that Wet T Shirt Competition? :p

        How’s the training going anyway? And are you on target for your goals this year?

        Col

        • #2584672

          For the most part

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to So Tig how did last weekends training walk go?

          The one thing I learned last year is that you can’t train enough for this. No matter how many training miles you walk, how many hills, how much conditioning, it just isn’t enough. The event can’t be simulated in training.

          But we train anyway because it is as close as we can get to the real thing.

          I haven’t had time this year to do as much as I would like to. By the time the weekend gets here, there is still much to do. But I am steadily raising money and have my last fundraiser set for a couple of weeks from now. No, not the wet t-shirt thing- I still think that one is funny! I’m hosting a pink ribbon garage sale. Hope to make a few bucks at it.

          Soon enough we will know if the training was enough. I know I did it once, I’m pretty determined to do it again.

        • #2584652

          No Wet T-Shirt!!! :_|

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to For the most part

          How sad, I setup my webcam and everything…

          I am sure that you can do it again. You seem to be very determined about it.

    • #2583391

      Things I have learned

      by tig2 ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

      No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.

      When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.

      If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.

      Never ask your 3 year old brother to hold a tomato.

      You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.

      Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

      Never hold a Dust Buster and a cat at the same time.

      You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

      Don’t wear polka dot underwear under white shorts.

      The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.

      No matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

      It takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

      You can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better have a big weenie or huge boobs.

      You shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.

      You can keep puking long after you think you’re finished.

      We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

      Regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

      No matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

      The people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

      Never, under ANY circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

      If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved (and never will achieve) its full potential, that word would be “meetings”.

      There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

      People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

      And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, HE WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV in a bad suit, with a bad hairstyle.

      You should not confuse your career / job with your life.

      No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

      When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

      Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

      Never lick a steak knife.

      Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

      The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

      • #2584944

        Tig…you forgot

        by dspeacock ·

        In reply to Things I have learned

        The biggest of them all:

        Never fry bacon in the nude.

        • #2584849

          NO KIDDING!!!!!!

          by israck ·

          In reply to Tig…you forgot

          this is a BIG one, SHOULD be at the TOP of the list. LISTEN and LEARN kiddies, DO NOT FRY BACON IN THE NUDE!!!!

          thanks peacock, this should constitute a psa, you should get credit for community service or something.

        • #2586083

          How Bout

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Tig…you forgot

          NEVER, boil in oil, frozen foods (like french fries).

          If you try making words with your alphabet soup, it will get cold

          Ok, what I have learned on TR
          Never allow untrained Tiggers to be around children

          Never play show tunes with JD around (especially if he has had his viagra)

          Never tease GG (she will tease you worse)

          Always Obey Mae — shovels can be dangerous too!!!

          Let Sleeping Dawgs lie (they are good at it)

          Let Col believe he is cleaning TR of the impure (or he will go insane)

          trust that Steffi is impure!!! always, when she isnt, its a plot against Col.

          Keep letting Daveo believe that they are talking about peonies (did I spell it right?)

          Shellbot IS a virus

          Hemlock is not as dangerous as Mae

          And finally, W2k is usually full of ….
          Wait, thats me. I take that back

        • #2586050

          I can do that :) W2K is full of……

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to How Bout

          Very useful information 😀 😀 and witty remarks 🙂

          Edited as I am curious why I’m being so nice?? It scared me a little!!

        • #2585955

          ah..

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to I can do that :) W2K is full of……

          i know why..but not gonna say it 🙂

          *…..sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G….*

        • #2585951

          Hmmm

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to ah..

          Lol your naughty Shell!!

          You know theres only room for one man in my life, god thats shocking coming from me eh! I’m a changed woman!! 😉

        • #2585883

          of course i’m naughty!

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Hmmm

          yeesh..thought ya would have had that figured out by now hun!!

          Ah, was just teasing ya.. 🙂

          Your being nice cause your all in love again..I can even sense it from here..
          its rather cute 🙂
          but tomorrow we get back to our normal TR selves ok??

          Batmobile hasn’t had a spin in a while..

        • #2584180

          Of course you are naughty!!!

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to of course i’m naughty!

          That is why we love you so much! 😡

          Batmobile??? Is that something kinky that went past me somehow?

        • #2584130

          W2k, You dont know??

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to of course i’m naughty!

          You dont know about the batmobile?? woah!! Shame that thread got pulled, you will just have to use your imagination!! :p

          oooh I found some, I think it was the one we thought got pulled!! but here you are 🙂

          we (Shell, GG & I) were getting chatted up by well a troll basically, and here is the result 🙂 its a few posts long but this is pretty much were it starts

          http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=214888&messageID=2195624

          then heres the first mention of the batmobile

          http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=214888&messageID=2195637

          and heres just another post to help with your imagination 😉

          http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=218572&messageID=2213557

        • #2586445

          I wanna see GG in the Batmobile

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to W2k, You dont know??

          with cleavage (not cleverage) showing, and a mini skirt!!!

        • #2586650

          Fine by me!

          by gadgetgirl ·

          In reply to I wanna see GG in the Batmobile

          Wait till it dries up a bit here – we’ve had constant rain for 24 hours, and if my legs get wet, I shrink even more…..

          Cleavage? Ok – I can do that!

          Mini skirt – nah – gives too much away. Slinky long black with side slit, just showing a little bit of stocking top, maybe even my special garter with its’ little secret pocket….. far more classy and sexy…….

          ]:)

          GG

          oh – one more thing – [B]PAY YOUR OWN AIRFARE!!! [/B]

        • #2585827

          Yup :)

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Hmmm

          Have I been that obvious??

          Everything is good and I can love again 😀

        • #2584182

          Naw!!!

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Hmmm

          You keep trying to convince yourself of that. Delude yourself into the beleif. And many moons from now you will realize that, you still didnt brainwash yourself into that beleif… 😉

        • #2584248

          I have to give you that one

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Tig…you forgot

          And I never do… fry bacon in the nude, that is.

          Come to think on it, I never fry bacon at all. Easier that way.

    • #2585957

      off topic

      by shellbot ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      not a yuk..but didn’t think it was wrth starting a thread..

      bursting to say I passed my first exam for my .Net course!!!

      930 points…how happy am i?? (very)

      Now i know a lot don’t put stock in these MS certs, and frankly neither do I, but these days employers are looking for them so what can ya do..

      happy happy happy 🙂

      • #2585949

        Congrats Shell

        by steffi28 ·

        In reply to off topic

        Knew you could do it! Congratulations dear, now all that hard work has finally paid off how are you going to celebrate?? 🙂

        • #2585894

          well..

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Congrats Shell

          i’ve still more work to do..so not too much celebrating yet
          went for drinks, dinner, then more drinks last night.

          oh, got a manicure..submersing yourself in MS textbooks for weeks doens’t make ya feel too womanly ..so thought i deserved it 🙂
          now my nails all pretty 🙂 (first time i’ve been able to grow them long in ages..haven’t had the time to bite them!)

        • #2586632
          Avatar photo

          Shelly just correcting one of Steffi’s typo’s here

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to Congrats Shell

          She said [i]Knew you could do it! Congratulations dear, now all that hard work has finally paid off how are you going to celebrate??[/i]

          When what she actuality meant to say was [u]Knew you could do it! Congratulations dear, now all that hard work has finally paid off how are you going to remain [b]celebrant?? [/u][/b] :p

          Col ]:)

      • #2585938

        Happy dance time!

        by jdclyde ·

        In reply to off topic

        It never hurts to have a cert, and often helps to show your accomplishments to a non-technical HR person that is doing the hiring.

        Congratulations my dear. It is a cool thing. How many more did you have to go?

        I am looking at going back and going for my CCNA/CCNP and A+ certs as soon as my Stats class is over (and I get my BA).

        Certs don’t REPLACE experience, but they can sure complement it.

        • #2585890

          a few more yet..

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Happy dance time!

          but this was the worst of it..
          most of it was pretty new to me (.net framework , security etc..)

          so the next batch won’t be so bad..
          plus, going to do my DBA certification in the fall (work might pay for most of it!!)..so gonna be busy enough for the next 8 months!

          Once ya start ya just can’t stop 🙂

          Your so right, I’d never hire me cause i had a cert..but with a bit of experience to back it up its not so bad. A lot of employers like you to have them these days..its the difference between getting a job or not in some places.

          (i’ve got the Hampster Dance in my head now..)

        • #2584167

          Congratulations!!! ;) :^0 B-)

          by sleepin’dawg ·

          In reply to a few more yet..

          You deserve this

          http://tinyurl.com/esnx

          [b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

        • #2584136

          :) hahaha :)

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Congratulations!!! ;) :^0 B-)

          haven’t seen that in years !!!!

          Thanks Dawg 🙂

      • #2585937

        Congrats, Shell!

        by gadgetgirl ·

        In reply to off topic

        Keep on proving that us girlies to have brains as well as boobies… :p :p

        Well done!

        GG

        • #2585885

          thanks

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Congrats, Shell!

          i’ll keep at it..

          way i see it..
          more certs = more money
          more money = more shoes
          so..

          more certs = more shoes

          can never have too many shoes!

          (or maybe breast reduction surgery??)

        • #2585859

          now that is just crazy talk

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to thanks

          and I won’t sit here and allow such silly talk to continue. Someone that doesn’t know you might not realize your joking and this would be a step in the wrong direction! B-)

          😡

        • #2585861

          We already KNEW that dear

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Congrats, Shell!

          the boobies are just there so we have something to look at while your talking….. :p

        • #2585804

          Well, only 1 of the 2 really matter anyways.. :p

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Congrats, Shell!

          lol

        • #2586772

          one of the two? ?:|

          by daveo2000 ·

          In reply to Well, only 1 of the 2 really matter anyways.. :p

          The left one or the right one?

        • #2586567

          Oops, a bad comment

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to one of the two? ?:|

          My thinking was off a bit. Sorry, good catch!

          I was thinking of brain vs. breasts (with the s ), but by no means did I mean to intend on only 1 breast, or that brains was the correct answer!!!

      • #2585863

        Many congrats Shell

        by dspeacock ·

        In reply to off topic

        Way to go girl. At least you didn’t have to wait for your results. I’m sweating the results of the CISA I took on saturday 🙁 They say it could be 4-6 weeks until we hear.

        Can I borrow your nails to bite…I have none left.

        • #2585857

          4=6 weeks??

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Many congrats Shell

          ouch..that sucks..
          ah, you’ll be fine, don’t worry! just put it out of your mind..you’ve done the test, so the worst is over..

          umm..i just paid 30 bucks to get em painted up all nice!!!!!..but..if you really need, I guess..be warned, the polish is murder on the teeth.

          on that note..i’m done for that day..it be 5 oclock..

        • #2584179

          4=6 weeks? Is that some strange new math? :^0

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to 4=6 weeks??

          Wow, you are really getting deep into that math of yours. Are you creating a whole new set of standards? 27 hours/day, 4=6 weeks, 21 = 12, etc..

        • #2584133

          Well

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to 4=6 weeks? Is that some strange new math? :^0

          I was personally wondering about all that myself, but I thought I would be nice and not bring up the fact that Shell cant do numbers :p

        • #2584132

          thankfully

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to 4=6 weeks? Is that some strange new math? :^0

          there was no math type of questions on the exam 🙂

          i seen the word arithmetic in 1 question and started having a panic attack untill i realised it was about variable types!!

          phew..could have been dicey

      • #2585806

        So where did you buy the answers from

        by w2ktechman ·

        In reply to off topic

        and how much did they cost… :^0

        Congrats, and stay happy.

        • #2584134

          shhhhh!!

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to So where did you buy the answers from

          w2k..i thought that secret was staying between us???
          I mean, you don’t want everyone to know what you had to do with Bill G to get the answers for me do you??
          It might be embarrassing for you…

          ]:)

        • #2586444

          What, kicking his arse???

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to shhhhh!!

          how would that be embarrasing.

        • #2586823

          you’ve a typo in that post..

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to What, kicking his arse???

          change the k to an l
          ]:)

          ok..the entire office is talking about Simon Cowel and how hot he is..gross..
          he falls in the “wouldn’t touch with an 11 foot pole” category
          these people need lives…

        • #2586806

          Eeew

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to you’ve a typo in that post..

          Makes me feel vomitous 🙁

          My mum fancies him too 🙁 yuk

        • #2586768

          double eewwwwee

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Eeew

          fancies him???

          yar..he not quite my type

        • #2586744

          Yup She Has Weird Taste

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to double eewwwwee

          She also like David Ginola too, he is one of the men she fancies the most!! She does pick alot of ugly men lol

        • #2586573

          wow, that was close Steffi

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Yup She Has Weird Taste

          I had a GREAT line to post until I remembered it was your mum and not shell you were talking about….. :0 Wow, that was a close call! B-)

          [i]~writes down line to save for future use….~

        • #2586738

          well..

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Eeew

          Ginola I could touch with a 5 foot pole..i mean, if it came down to saving the human race an all.. i’d do it like..
          🙂

          i think i AWOL for the day now..our networks being taken down, so might have to sit down and do some work ..
          i’m just waiting for 40 thousand phone calls now, saying the database is down..(even though they all been told 100 times that it will be inaccessible)

        • #2586687

          Then Shell, I’m afraid to say

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to well..

          You’ve got weird taste too! :p

        • #2586615

          How about a 12 foot Ukranian? :^0

          by sleepin’dawg ·

          In reply to you’ve a typo in that post..

          .

        • #2586569

          Dont get them all riled up now!!! :^0

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to How about a 12 foot Ukranian? :^0

          You do not want to see that kind of frenzy from the dirty ones (I mean impure, really I do!)

      • #2586726

        Belated Congrats!

        by captbilly1eye ·

        In reply to off topic

        Way to Go, Shell!

        http://tinyurl.com/3b8k7y

        • #2586723

          Thanks..(icq?)

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Belated Congrats!

          awe that was cute..

          ICQ..holy cow, thats still going??
          Wow..the hours i wasted on that about 9 years ago 🙂

        • #2586697

          I was surprised as well

          by captbilly1eye ·

          In reply to Thanks..(icq?)

          It has been ages since I have heard anyone even mention it. I just had this link in my library… and it still works!
          Glad ya liked it!

          I’m now goin’ for my A+ cert. I never really thought I needed it until I found myself looking for a new job. …here’s ta passin’ it the 1st time around. 🙂

        • #2586691

          ICQ

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Thanks..(icq?)

          My god didnt know that was still going either, me and my mum used to sit up until daft o clock flirting with my uncle who thought we were some hot model ahhh the good old days hee hee.

        • #2585168

          haha

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to ICQ

          used to do the same to a friend..thought he was all that..
          used to almost die laughing

    • #2585942

      Pregnant Italian

      by dadspad ·

      In reply to OK 7.15 am on Friday Yuk time – Hear about the blonds who wanted

      A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write “spaghetti”, on the back. He would
      then arrange for child support payments to begin.

      One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. His wife said, “Honey, you received a very strange post card today.” “Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it,” he said. The wife handed him the card and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and collapsed.

      On the card was written: “Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti, two with meatballs, one without!”” Request Bread……………………..

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