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Ok I haven't seen a Friday Yuk for some time

By HAL 9000 Moderator ·
So I'll add a Monday version and hope no one takes offence.

This is a truly heart warming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough more or less...adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the dollar she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied "I worked all last week with a construction crew building a house." "My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be workinmg on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied..."I will if those useless pricks at Bunnings ever bring us the fucking gyprock"


Or for the International people here

A man meets St Peter at the Pearly gates and sees an enormous pile of clocks behind the wall. Upon asking what the clocks are for he is told that each one represents an individual and every time they tell a lie their clock advances one second.

He then asks have there been any cases of the clock never advancing? St Peter replies only one Mother Teressa!

The man then asks what about Gorge W Bush and St Peter replies OH Jesus is currently using that one for a ceiling fan as it is causing a vast air flow and cools his office quite nicely. Upon hearing this the man is shocked and asks is this usual for politicians? St Peter replies just be glad that you never had anything to do with John Howard the Australian Prime Minister his is moving so fast that it started causing Cyclones so we moved it straight to Hell as it was causing far too many problems here.


Col

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ROFLMAO - Absoluteley priceless. A cat's meow. Was lunch cash or charge??

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Better than a joke, it's ...

It all goes to show life can be stranger than fiction. If it isn't true it ought to be. I loved it. If you here any more like that be sure and post them. This is almost Dave Barry style humour. God woman you have an evil mind. A true sense of the absurd. You have to imagine the scene at the hospital as she tries to explain why she was running around with a dead cat in a bag. With photos it would make a great priceless joke.

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Flying Tips and Observations

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Ok I haven't seen a Frida ...

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I
am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing!
(Sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location Kadena AFB,
Japan.)

You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.
(Paul F. Crickmore - test pilot)

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

From an old carrier sailor -
Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines
in the sky.

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a
helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough
power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

Without ammunition, the airforce would be just another expensive flying club.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a
pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

Never trade luck for skill.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
"Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh Sh*t!"

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

Progress in airline flying; now a flight attendant can get a pilot
pregnant.

Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully
complete the flight.

A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row
is prevarication.

I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we've never left one up there!

Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the
purpose of storing dead batteries

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a
person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about
it.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held
on a sunny day.

Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: When a prang (crash) seems
inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the
vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill
you.
(Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)

A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its
maximum.
(Jon McBride, astronaut)

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash
as possible.
(Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the *******
down.
(Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator)

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.
(Sign over squadron operations desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970.)

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and, a
good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few
opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same
time.
(Author unknown, but someone who's been there)

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

Basic Flying Rules Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near
the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance
of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more
difficult to fly there.

You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power
to taxi to the terminal.(This is truer than you can imagine)

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